July Archives

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July 31st - Have your people call my people... we'll do lunch!

I am thinking about putting together a player luncheon here in Detroit next month. If I can get enough interest I will shoot out a press release to all the major UO pages and drum up some additional support. Anyone from Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, etc etc who would like to attend, drop me a line and let me know what kind of times work for you, as well as any ideas you may have for it. Ideally I think thinking of doing this on the 15th or 16th of August. Contact info like names and phone numbers would also be appreciated. And yes, good guys and bad guys alike are welcome to attend <g> - Greybeard

July 30th - Clarification

I have recieved alot of praise for my July 28th letter, but there have also been some misconceptions. I am all for dastardly things like gating monsters around, murdering, looting, etc. Where I take offense is when I see someone with a noble title doing it and getting away with it, while murderers and thieves cant fucking jaywalk without stat loss or a halberd in their ass. The whole problem here is that you just cant tell who's who. Back in the olden days, you didnt see a dread lord stroll up and wonder "Hmm... Could that guy be a PK perhaps?"  You knew for sure that the shit was going to hit the fan. Nowadays, you have to watch your own back like you were Brad Pitt in a gay nightclub... you never know who's gonna be aiming for your ass but you can bet for sure there's gonna be alot of em'.

Last night in Deceit I was sparring fire elementals and almost on cue, the moment I hit half health some fucko would unhide and start wailing me with e-bolts, hoping to get an easy kill. Happened 3 times within 45 mins by 3 different guys. I hear that tactic is all too common these days. Real Dreads didnt need tactics like that. Sure they would hunt in groups and ambush your ass in a heart beat, but if you were too damn dumb to hit allnames the second you saw 10 people surrounding you then tough nuts.

Like I said before its the "Wolves in Sheeps Clothing" syndrome. The real bad guys are forced underground by these ridiculous penalties and lack of creative role-playing outlets, and every other half-assed wannabe tough guy is hiding in the shadows waiting to pull a cheap shot. This rep system hasnt made the game safer, if anything its made it more dangerous and unpredictable. I think there are many great improvments in this new rep system, and there are also a ton of fuck ups.

Fact is you just cant trust anyone now. In the forests and dungeons you have to be more alert than if you were standing at the bank with 10 guys in death robes surrounding you. Its no longer a question of if you're going to get fucked by a "good" player, its just a question of when and how hard. - Greybeard

Link o' Rama - Added a few new sites today, check em out. - Greybeard

Hitchikers guide to Britannia

You might be a newbie if...

Razoric's UO comics

July 29th - Would anyone care for some tea?

I suggest everyone buy stock in companies that make keyboard covers and disposable coffee cups. If you want to know why, read this. If the trend mentioned in this article continues, we will all  be richer than the guy who invented velcro. - Greybeard

A nip here, a tuck there - I finally got around to fixing the feedback page, I believe its been dead for a week now. I also have added a few new links, be sure to check em out - Greybeard

The Bug Zone

The Directorate

The Edge Variety Show

It almost makes you feel warm and fuzzy - when you hear that todays show is sponsored by the letters B, Y and A, but suddenly those happy childhood memories fade a bit when you realize that The Count is spelling out "Beat Yo' Ass" I guess it all started out with the "Ernie is Evil" website, and now our favorite little puppet is carving up corpses on Napa Valley. Their site is still new and not quite completed, but should prove to be pretty damn funny. - Greybeard

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"Damn, we need feathers for bolts... Look, its Big Bird! Corp Por! Corp Por! Corp Por!..." - Evil Bert

July 28th - Some things never change

Atlantic was down last night so I decided to head to Lake Superior and get Demona, my former GM Mage Dread out of mothballs. All my houses were long gone, the bank account long since cleaned out by the minions of Lord British after slaughtering hundreds of his citizens, and all I had to my name was a nifty death robe, a stack of kindling and 43 gold pieces.

In my best role-playing prose I lingered at the Bank of Britain soliciting the many Famed and Illustrious Lords… "Good sir, I fear I am down on my luck and in need of supplies… could you spare even a small amount of gold or equipment?" only to be ignored or shoved aside. One or two of them paused briefly to hear my plea, and replied "Vendor buy me some bank guards!" then went upon their business and left, paying me no more attention than a discarded pile of furs.

I then went to the mage shop, still being a master mage and adept scribe even after my bout with stat loss and again plead my case "Please milord, I am a well trained scribe in need of supplies, I will gladly use my skills to repay you!" Again, the room filled with nobles went about their business ignoring me as if I was the orphan child Oliver begging for table scraps. Finally I made my way to the smithy, were I happened across a fellow dread who was now reformed. We chatted briefly about the good old days, reminiscing back to when Dread mages ruled the lands, incinerating their prey with 5 or 6 rapidly hurled Vas Flam’s. He supplied me with some equipment, a rune and some recall scrolls, then provided me with transportation to deceit, where we could slay some bone mages and I could reform my now "wicked" persona.

We hunted for all of about 5 minutes when suddenly an Illustrious Lord laden in platemail appeared in the corner of the room. He watched us for about a minute or so them recalled out. Within 30 seconds of his disappearance, a gate opened in the exact same spot where he stood and Daemons, Drakes and the like came pouring out. I immediately hid, and not moments later this Illustrious champion of virtue recalled back and began looting the fallen warriors filling his pack to the brim with ill-gained goods.

I chuckled as I sat hidden. Here I was branded as wicked, unable to buy goods in town, my bank account long since seized, and my former Grandmaster skills reduced to a shadow of their former glory. I sat here thinking this while this Illustrious Lord looted and pillaged the bodies which he had slain not with own skill or ability, but with the assistance of unwilling servants. I watched his title go unchanged, his bank account go untouched, his skills and stats remain fully intact, and nothing more than two minutes of criminal flagging serve as his penalty.

I ask myself, what has really changed? The truly worthy evil citizens of this land, brave enough to display their murderous titles are penalized and driven to the point of near extinction, while the so-called nobles do little to aid their fellow man, ignoring their pleas for help and hiding behind their titles while acting out their villainous desires unpunished.

I found bitter irony in the fact that it took a former and force-reformed dread lord to come to my aid, while the nobles I approached did nothing. That irony is also compounded by these ex-Great Lords with their new and shiny titles, whom still engage in the same dark and dastardly deeds. When will true justice prevail I wonder?

I noticed one fallen warrior whose equipment was still partially intact. I fumbled through his pack and found nothing but a satchel containing about 6 of each reagent, some chain armor and a few healing potions. Quite humorous, the murdering Illustrious Lord enraged that I dare touch "his" loot attacked me, whereupon I recalled out to town.

Now knowing full and well that the reputation patch had really changed nothing, and that all my attempts at reforming my ways were for naught, I made my way back out to my old home away from home, the Britan crossroads. A few unfortunate travelers and a few well placed-ebolts later, and my pack was flowing over with loot. Best of all was my comfort in knowing that my victims were all well aware of whom they fell to. There was no falsely earned title over my head and there were no NPC’s telling me how happy they were to cater to me. It was just like the olden days. As flawed as they were, there was still some room for the true bad guys to be bad. Now it seems like all we have these days is a society laden with wolves in sheep’s clothing. What’s the answer? OSI seems to think that making things like gating monsters impossible, eliminating bank-thieves, and other such restrictions is the sure fire cure all. Never once do they seem to consider a concept such as the Bucs Den proposal I offered which gives more options rather than restrictions, to enlighten our role-playing experience. We evil of the lands are instead forced to deal with a role-playing game that seems to have no role for us. Some things never change - Greybeard

July 27th - A few good thieves...

I have taken tons of feedback about my Greybeards Guide to Thievery and have many updates to add. There are a few issues that I need some additional confirmation on, and would appreciate it if any of you sticky-fingered fiends could test these items out for me.

1. Stealing from the ground: We do know that stealing from the ground lowers karma and criminal flags you, but we arent sure what it does for skill. I have had conflicting reports claiming that it raises skill to a max of about 25 (same as a training dummy) and others that say they made GM doing it. We also know that stealing from the ground is waaay easier than stealing from a person, so you will to experiment with extra heavy items to try it out. I would like to determine if there is indeed a skill cap, how fast you progress, and what weights should be used at what skill level for maximum progress.

2. Stealing from blue players in town: I have been told that you can steal from players with fame equal or less than you without getting criminal flagged. I know there is something to this one since I have had people lift things from my scoundrel character on a few occasions in town, several people saw the theft, and the guards were nowhere to be found. I would like to document exactly what fame or karma levels affect this.

Any insights you can offer will be greatly appreciated. I am also updating the Guide to include advanced tactics such as "gangbang thievery" with methods 2 or more thieves can use to clean out a victims pockets. Feel free to share any suggestions or stories with me on this. - Greybeard

Additions to the Guild War Archive - A couple viewers sent me these shots, 2 were of EiG banging heads with the Pluggers, another was of the chaos just before Pacific went down. Take a look.

EiG vs Pluggers 1

EiG vs Pluggers 2

Server going down on Pacific

Updates Published - I have added the first round of revisions to Greybeards Guide to Thievery. It includes a new strength raising method as well as a a thieves tactics and strategy area. - Greybeard

July 25th - My first stalker

I was lounging in Deceit the other day looking to earn a little loot. Suddenly this chap came up and began chatting with me. I moved on, and he followed. This continued until finally I was sprinting throughout the dungeon with this guy behind me all the way. Finally I stopped and said "Well fuck man, just what do you want!?" It turned out that all he was seeking was just a little fame, and yearned to have his picture on my page.  I guess it turns out that those people who hang out in dark alleys watching you with binoculars arent all bad guys after all. ( I do suggest you use some caution if you find them in your closet wielding a butcher knife)

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"Hi Mom!" - Condemn, the Deceit Stalker

July 23rd - Thank you for the suggestion, now go fuck yourself...

Thats pretty much been the response from OSI on my Buc's Den suggestion. I have had TONS of players e-mail me saying how much the idea rocked and how great it would be for the game, but all any one us have gotten back is a typical bullshit form letter. All of us got the exact same letter BTW.

I can say however, that there has been ONE shining moment. A loyal viewer with at least a casual relationship with Designer Dragon sent me his e-mail address. I mailed him with the concept, and he replied that he thought it was a pretty good idea that he would see if he could make it happen. Hopefully thats a step in the right direction. In the meantime, I am going to try and get a ballot added to UHOC about it and see if a public voting forum can rally some more support.

Oh yeah, one thing though in defense of OSI. I also got a mail from Blade today. As he told it, the guys in support are only capable of so much in-game accomplishment, and even if they wanted to (which he didnt say one way or the other) they cant just take it among themselves to plop a badguy bank and a shrine on the island. Ultimately it is up to us (the players) to make as much in-game stink as possible about the idea. This means that every badguy, murderer, thief, etc needs to get off their collective butts and take over the island. If we badguys start hanging there, so will the good guys, then more crap hits the fan, then maybe we get noticed.

Now that I am uncoupled from my guild related duties I plan on heavily campaigning for this on Atlantic, and I hope you all do the same on other shards. I also advocate that any and all evil guilds start making Bucs Den your home (PoDW, where are ya baby? Whats an island without some freakin' pirates? arrr!)- Greybeard

Speaking of ballots and badguys - There is one other area that is a hot topic these days, stat loss. Right now there is a petetion over at PK-HQ speaking out against it which I reccomend everyone go sign, there is also a vote on the UHOC section of Stratics. If you havent been to both there forums and spoke out, I encourage you to do so. - Greybeard

July 21st - Show your support for UO's first "Evil Player Town"

Something I have realized is that Evil in UO is by all means NOT a small issue. There are more badguys running around than you can shake a stick at, the problem is just that its hard for us to all get together and unify since there is no forum to do so. In light of that, I have wrote OSI today requesting that they either make some modifications to Buc's Den, or give us a furniture lock-down for a "Evil Player Ran Tavern" I would ask that all of you read the mail I submitted to OSI, and also send your own show of support for this concept.  - Greybeard

Here is a copy of the letter I sent them.

Here is an address to contact the OSI staff and voice your support.

And just when ya thought I was bad... Muhahaha! - I am very pleased to announce the addition of a new member to the staff here at UOEVIL. An infamous bastard in his own right, Wrexsoul formerly of the UO Newsline will be contributing to our content. There aren't many folks out there who I feel can rival me for sheer dark humor, but Wrex is the man. Today Wrexsoul sends us a piece detailing sexual abuse by GM's as well as a fabulous review of the roleplaying mecca "PAWS" on Pacific.Check it out - Greybeard

New feature coming soon - I am going to put together a guild war photo section soon, illustrating some of the most entertaining moments in group PvP combat. Feel free to sumbit any good guildwar stories or screenshots that you have and we will be sure to get them posted. Check out a sample - Greybeard

Hemmingway he aint - but a viewer read Wrexsoul's review of PAWS and wanted to throw his own two cents in. Personally, I found the concept of four Illustrious Lords "ass-doinking" a GM funny enough to warrant publishing his letter. Read on.

Now, I am no journalist and I am definitely no Cari (And I keep my butt-rapes to a sesquicentennial rate, thankya Wile E.) but, to rip off Greybeard, this is how I woulda written this bag o feces:

For those who could care a whole bloody loot less, Paws was bounced into horrifying reality by a group of bored, curious thieves, who had nothing better to do since OSI totally screwed Thievery and evil-oriented things,
which was the only fun stuff to do in the first place.

It is astonishing that GMs had enough to go around after all the sucky-sucky that the whining, in-adequate, rejected and lonely social freaks gave them, and that people in the community would think twice about having a elk-shit barbecue on the porches of these wimps. We all hope that OSI will wake up and smell the rotting top-ramen dinner-in-a-dishes and give us something worth 10 bucks a month, and that some exploit causes a guard to massacre 37 paws residents and stick their loot in a guarded chest so if a GM tries to open it, he will be flagged and prominently ass doinked by 4 Illustrious Lord GM archer/warrior/mages and have his GM robe looted so we can dye it jet black and sell it for 100k, and then screw people out of their money.

Bobo The Clam, Pacifc/Sonoma/Chesapeake

Want to host or check out a player ran event?- If so, be sure to check out Tricks of the Trade. They have a new player event calander where you can keep tabs on all the latest happenenings. - Greybeard

July 20th - Editorial ranting of the month

The subject is guildwars and mergers. I think it is a pertinent topic because several guilds have taken part in this trend, including my own. What sparked my rant was a message I came across on the Merc message board, obviously looking down on the trend. Here is the original post, as well as my reply to it.

: ok..what is with all these guilds allying? Does it really take the combined force of 4 or more guilds to kills plugs? Eig, Dos, Bas, CC, and a few mercs? It takes all you guys to win a battle? *Remembers a quote of a merc* " IT TOOK THREE GUILDS TO BEAT US! 10 vs 2!!!" ok...now there are 4 guilds... now what are the odds?

Not at all, but when the Plugs start gating into our neck of the woods along with XH and RTA backing em (Count em, that makes a total of 7 guilds when you count the RTA mergers) yer damn straight were going to bring some mojo right back at em. Besides, what’s the point of complaining? Thats like the Iraqi's complaining "Boohoo! you need laser guided missiles to win!"

Lets get real guys, its "Guild War" not "Guild Tea Parties" or "Guild Potato Sack Races". Tactics have to evolve to keep up with the pace of the game, and alliances and mergers are just part of the program.

Complaining about mergers is just as bad as these idiots who say "Waah! You had to use archery to win! If you had a sword I'd kick your ass!" Its a weak fucking excuse to compensate for the fact that you just had your ass handed to you. That plus the fact that I guarantee you, that the Pluggers, XH and RTA who banged heads with us this weekend had a shitload of fun. These were some of the biggest and most badass battles to date, and I know our people had a blast.

Personally, if I had to fight someone I would much rather go toe to toe with a huge crew of people who die just like anyone else, than a handful of fuck-monkeys with hacked stats, 1 hit weapons and thermonuclear magic resist. You couple that with the fact that I pride myself in admitting we bleed just as red as the next guy, and that we have had our share of ass-kickings along with everyone else. The day you see me running around talking about what hard-ass invincibile ass fuckers from hell we are, you can throw EiG into the same category with the rest of these mega guild lamers. Until then, at least give us some points for not writing checks with our mouths that our ass cant cash.

"Better living through superior firepower" -Greybeard

The inside scoop revealed - Before I get to to actual info, I thought I would take a moment to explain the history here so that you would get the joke. There is a guild on Atlantic known as "The Pluggers" a skilled and well known group of former antis who in their opinion, make Britain a better place to be. In our opinion, they are a band of self-rightous assholes typical of the two faced, do-gooder mentality. In other words, they are completely full of shit. Based on that, it is our duty to ridicule them every chance we get. Many people on Atlantic jest that due to their name..."Pluggers" there is some question about their sexuality (either that or they are plumbers) and since we havent seen any of them running around repairing leaky pipes... you figure it out. Anyways, an insider recently sent me the a Top Ten list of names that they were considering before settling with "The Pluggers". Have a look.

10 .The Rump Rangers

9. Order of the Limp Wrists

8. Ye ol’ Packers of Fudge

7. The Defenders of the Blue Oyster

6. Knights of the Brown Eye

5. The Droppers of Soap

4. The Vibrators

3. The Guardians of Sodomy

2. The Penetrators

1. The Pluggers

While they are known to be excellent fighters, they also have a flair for interior decorating that is unmatched in all of Sosaria. I hear they have quite a collection of antiques and leather goods also. - Greybeard

July 17th - Time for the daily beating

I love getting hatemail. I love it the most because 9 out of 10 times the person sending it talks more shit than a Marine Corp drill sergeant then doesnt have the balls to leave a name, ICQ or return e-maill address. Once again, I must publicly flog one of these morons...

Name: Locksmith
Referred by:

Time: 1998-07-17 10:44:23
hehe, i guess you have deleted all the bad messeges in your guestbook. But lets see if this one can stay. Tell Harkonnen that i think he is a newbie motherfucker. and the EiG and AOD will suffer big time if i get my hand in your asses.

Well first of all Harkonnen isn't invincible nor are any other EiG members. I have fought with him enough to know that he would probably turn you into his bitch and have you walking around in high heels and lipstick before you you could say "Kal Ort Por". I cannot speak for AoD, but quite frankly we dont go for that hand up the ass business. I might let you buy me a drink and some flowers, but thats as kinky as it's gonna get cowboy. For freakie-deke action like that you might want to call on The Pluggers, just be careful what you ask em' to plug for you. - Greybeard

Let the truth be known - I found this little article written on The UO Vault today.

 July 17, 1998

GM Wile E Leaves Ultima Online
I was told that GM Wile E will no longer be involved in Ultima Online. On behalf of everyone here at the UO Vault, I'd like to wish him the best of luck. You will indeed be missed.

3:49 pm EDT -Gasper

If Gasper didnt have his head jammed completely up OSI's ass, maybe he could print something a little more probable. Here's how I would have done it...

 July 17, 1998

GM Wile E Fired For PKing Newbies With His God Client
I was told that GM Wile E will no longer be involved in Ultima Online. He was a worthless prick who like all GM's never responded to anyones call for help. We will miss him about as much as foot fungus
3:49 pm EDT -Greybeard

Now which one would YOU believe? - Greybeard

July 16th - All ye' asskickers unite!

The call to unite a PvP fighting force on Atlantic still exists. (see the "Call to Evil Guilds" message from the 13th) I would love nothing more than to band together  several of the greatest badboy guilds out there under a single guildstone to bust some heads. For clarification purposes I would take a moment and point out the guilds whom we either like or dislike.

The guilds we would love to kick ass with:

The Mercs, Black Knights, Trinsic Borrowers, S*D, DoS (and a few more)

The guilds who can blow on the business end of my Meat Puppet.

Obsidian Order, The Empire, The Pluggers, Royal Trinsic Alliance, Brotherhood of Immortals (and a SHITLOAD more)

I'm sure there are many others out there whom I have forgotten, but these are the first cool guys and pathetic ass-pirates who come to mind. If anyone out there is interested in pooling some resources do dispatch some common foes, drop me a line! - Greybeard

New feature added to Cool Stuff - It's Greybeards Guide to Thievery. It should provide some insight for all you rookie thieves looking to become kick-ass catburglers. It also has some nice tips on raising and mantaining strength.

July 14th - Whip me, beat me, make me write bad checks!

And just when you thought the Spanish Inquisition was merely an inspiration for those freaky bondage films, now they've spread their influence to UO. If you play on Nappa Valley, break out the cat o' nine tails and the leather gimp mask and go party with these guys. Here is a snippet of mail I recieved from Roman.

The Spanish Inquisition (SI) is a guild on Napa dedicated to the arduous task of keeping Heaven full.

There are many sinners in the world that need to have their souls cleansed and to have the burden of their earthly possessions lifted. Interested parties can ICQ the following: Roman (Cardinal Bigles) 8114365 or Kryx (Cardinal Kryx) 7969243

Just when you thought Exodus was bad - Once again a dreaded source of evil has invaded the fair lands of Sosaria. If you are brave enough to face this fiend, click here (mad props to Lost in UO for this one) - Greybeard

Evil guild links added - I have been getting more and more evil guilds wanting a shout-out on our page, so I decided to make a new links section just for them. Check it out. - Greybeard

July 13th - Shakespere for Dreads 101

I have to admit that poetry isnt my stong suit, but I recieved this little bit of prose from a Shadow Spawn today which made the bad guy in me feel all warm and fuzzy. Kind of makes me miss the old Dread Lord days :) - Greybeard

2 Score and 8 years past, I came upon a felled adventurer. After 2 moons and wist his wounds I lay to rest this Noble man.  The Story he told in those nights past changed me towards Dishonorable and Dast. I became Vile and Dread till once again I found my head.  I tried for 2 score more to be true and Just, but this new world of UO is a Bust. To all Ye who hear read now i'm back and I shall make The World BLEED...IM GOING DREAD AGAIN!

A call to all evil guilds on Atlantic - I have had several people speak to me regarding guild alliances in recent weeks and had not given it much thought until now. After seeing the results of various guilds all allying on the same stone, I now realize the tremendous amount of firepower to be had by such an arrangement. With that being said, I would like to extend an invitation to all the hardasses, badasses, and just general evil motherfuckers of Atlantic to create a alliance of Evil, and band together under a single guildstone to kick some ass.

"KeWeL DooDZ" need not apply. If you do not agree with the general ethics as outlined on the EiG guild page, then this isnt for you. I dont want to create a 150+ member stong crew to robe kill newbie thieves or run around trapping chests. We are looking to make a hard-assed PvP wrecking crew here to dominate the shard and terrorize the do-gooder guilds.

We want ONLY established self-sufficent guilds. This isnt going to be a safe haven for weak guilds who cannot protect themselves. I expect us to see some major PvP combat, and everyone needs to be a self contained fighting machine. Each guild will retain its own membership, guildmasters, rank and structure. The way you run your guild will essentially go unchanged. We will simply create a council of all the guild GM's to create general policy and strategy. We will also purchase a new guildstone specifically for alliance guilds to join. All guilds will keep their exsiting guildstones as a backup.

If you are a Guildmaster who prides yourself in performing acts of villany and want to be a part of this coalition of Evil, drop me a line. Please include an ICQ where you can be contacted, specefic info on your guild (number of members, location, skills, etc) and a brief explanation of why you want to be a part of this killing machine.

I am also accepting suggestions for creative and desriptive names that represent what this grouping is all about, so if you have a good idea for some titles feel free to send them along also. - Greybeard

New addition - UOEVIL.COM now features a chat board. Flame to your hearts content :) I also had alot of complaints about slow load times with those glow-buttons, so I have scrapped em in favor for plain old fashioned hypertext. Hopefully that speeds the page up a bit. - Greybeard

July 11th - If only OSI worked as hard as our viewers

You may recall last month we listed the new spell, Summon Beer. Well, one of our loyal viewers put together an icon for the spell. Now all we need is a scribe who can knock off a few scrolls and we are ready to party. - Greybeard

castbeer.jpg (3571 bytes) "And on the 7th day, God created Beer" - A little known biblical passage

New page added to the links section,Tha Doomshack Be sure to check it out.

Nothing like some good head - My chum Terminus sent me this shot of him cashing in some chumps noggin at the local guard station. Let this stand as a reminder to keep a sharp butcher knife on ya at all times :) - Greybeard

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"Wow, with head this good, I wonder if this guy has a sister?" - Terminus

July 10th - On the long list of people who can kiss my ass...

I add yet another member, America Online. After being a member for 4 years they decide they want to try and screw me with an outrageous bill. Now the bill itself I can deal with, snotty ass minimum wage customer service reps I cannot. The downside is that if anyone has sent me e-mail, feedback or applications within the last 72 hours, they are gone. Please resend them to my new address. Thanks. - Greybeard

The old look is back - Several people replied and said that the new look was nice, but it just wasnt us. Since I do what I do for the sheer purpose of annoying the shit out of most people and making my viewers happy, the ol' look is now back.

July 9th - Classic moments

Man, what a week. I have been buried at work, and my e-mail is now dead. I should have a new address up and running by tomorrow night. While digging through the old archives, I came up with some photos from the last EiG fight night. One that still strikes me as a classic is this shot of Belial getting laid to rest with some class. - Greybeard

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"If you've gotta go, go with a smile!" - The Joker

July 6th - Kicking ass and taking names

Normally I don't see anything quite so exciting in the course of a guild war that warrants mention, but tonight was an exception. Earlier in the evening, some chaps from RTA came up to the EiG guildhouse and gave us a good ass-kicking. Looking to return the favor, we all assembed at the Sweet Dreams inn in Britain to regroup and resupply, as well as call in every EiG member who was online. A lone RTA member entered the inn and we promptly slew him, he then no doubt called his boys to tell them where we were. Not 5 minutes later, hoards of RTA started pouring in. The fight was massive and the inn floor was covered with lots of dead RTA, and a few EiG. Everyone of em we didnt kill, ran like hell. We had succesfully defended the inn.

Round 1 pictures      Round 1 pictures      Round 1 pictures

About 10 minutes later in came another wave, this one even larger. Pumped up from their earlier victory, EiG smashed RTA once again and the few survirors they had were forced to run. Somene said it looked like an old time western shootout in there with all carnage.

Round 2 pictures      Round 2 pictures

The third wave, RTA came back with their steel-toed ass kicking boots on and proceded to beat us like bastard step children. Only 2 or 3 EiG managed to escape, the rest fought till the death. All in all, it was an awesome battle and both sides fought well. One of the RTA guys said "Holy shit, you guys are even tougher than the Mercs!" which I thought was a nice compliment. Maybe next time we can hold the fort all 3 times in a row :) - Greybeard

Round 3, RTA succesfully takes the Inn

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll hurl - Actually these guys have the makings of a pretty darn good UO page, be sure to pop in and check em at out at J&J's UO Brickhouse - Greybeard

And while I'm at it - Here is another new page, The PK Palace. It's well worth a look-see also

July 4th - We are proud to award the "Golden Sparky Award" for July

I have to admit I see some incredibly stupid people from day to day, but these two take the cake. I am pleased to present this months "Golden Sparky®" to...

Holy Crusader and Victory, both of the guild AoD!

Never before have a I seen such a display of cowardice, ignorance, and just plain old fashoned homosexuality all in once place. Here is their story...

This afternoon I noticed a crowd of idiots camped at the healer killing newly ressed gray's. I decided to throw on my death robe,  flag myself criminal, then recall into the healers shop. Bingo! took all of about 2 seconds before I was attacked, so I pull out the ol' heavy crossbow of whoopass and go to work. I repeat this process several times, gathering tons of loot and leaving tons of dead noto-killing slime in my wake. Then on one of my final passes, I notice Holy Crusader and Victory, both of AoD start attacking me, along  with an archer, a fencer, and a chap with a halberd. They box me in and start pounding away. Fortunately I have gobs of strength and a pack full of greater heals, so I began putting the smack down on their ass. Victory is the first to turn tail and run. I get him to about 5 health left with a few shots, so he decides to get outta dodge. Holy Crusader soon follows suit and runs like a bitch after I pump some bolts into his ass. After they flee, I dispatched the fencer while the other archer and guy with the halberd run like hell themselves. I chase down Victory and almost finish him off when Holy Crusader runs back and heals him.

Then (and heres the best part) they begin yelling "You suck potion boy! You need potions to win!" At this point I think to myself "Well no shit Sherlock... wearing only a death robe, I  just faced down 5 of you idiots, killed one, and made the other 4 of you run for your lives. WTF am I supposed to do, put on my Superman pajamas and start flying through the air? At that point the criminal flag had worn off, so these two lamers headed back to the healers to kill some more 1 HP newly ressed gray folk. That my friends, makes these AoD homos this months "Golden Sparky" recepients. Enjoy it guys.

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"Wow, this is more fun than a good ass-fisting!" - Holy Crusader of AoD

July 3rd - Holy Oasis-bashing Batman!

When I looked at my e-mail this morning, first thing I had to do was check my shorts. I had 197, count em 197 e-mails since yesterday with "Oasis" in the header. About 185 of em' were from people wanting to join the cause and go beat some ass. 12 of em claimed to know my mother, threatened to kill my dog, gave detailed descriptions of what part of their anatomy I should explore, etc etc. With that being said, it looks like there is a substantial community out there who detests Oasis and would love nothing more than to put the smack down on their ass.

Initially, I thought it might just be fun to send a flurry of newbie rogues running around in there ganking whatever they can, while trying to keep their heads attached to their shoulders. Now it seems we are going to need some firepower. This being that case, I am sending out the call to ALL friends of evil on Sonoma to donate to the cause. We will need as much gold, armor and weapons as we can get our hands on in order to pull this thing off. A fellow villian on Atlantic (Nija of The Mercs®) suggested we find a good alchemist willing to knock off a few hundred purple potions for us, so that we can play "Pin the grenade on the Oasis guard" and I thought that was a mighty fine idea.

Anyone interested in either joining the fray, or dontating supplies, please e-mail me with your ICQ and info on what you can contribute. As I get more feedback from our viewers I will keep everyone posted. - Greybeard

The Mercs 1, BCK 0 - Now I am not the kinda guy to get all warm and fuzzy about any other guild, but I gotta make an exception for The Mercs. These fuckers are just too hilarious. I have seen them dispense some whoopass in Occlo and I visit their chat board often and I gotta say that they rock. A few days ago I found a post on their chat board about Ares of BCK. Apparently someone got ahold of this guys RL photo and "altered" it to reflect Ares true nature, Check it out here.

July 2nd - Next week is "Fuck With Oasis Week"

Although I personally play on Atlantic, I have grown tired of the news from this "roleplaying" asshole collective. After recieving an e-mail from Corwin of Magincia (a Sonoma based evil-bastard) detailing how the GM's go to such great lengths to aid these pricks, I have decided to declare the week of July 6 through July 12th to be "Fuck With Oasis Week" I earnestly encourage all you evil dooers from all shards to coverge upon this overinflated haven of bullshit, and loot, steal and kill to your hearts content. I plan on macroing up a decent rogue myself and spending some time putting the smack down on these Oasis bozo's. I hope to see many of you there. - Greybeard

July 1st - Dammit, I guess I need to repent

Seems like all my evil ways are coming back to haunt me in real life. I wrote about the incident a few weeks back when some jagoff slammed into the rear end of my Seville, prompting a visit to the body shop. Well last friday I traded in my Caddy for a new Mountaineer. Lo and behold I am getting ready to go to work this morning and see that my shiny new truck is sitting in my driveway with a flat tire. I'm late already, and it's raining. JOY!. Maybe some external force is trying to tell me to start being nice to people? Naah. fuck those losers, I love flaming these idiots too much to change :)

Kicking ass on Catskills - I get mail daily from viewers wanting to know if we have branches of our guild on their shard and sadly I have to reply that we dont. Now it seems that a fellow purveyor of chaos has started up an EiG-like group on Catskills called The Devils Advocates. If you enjoy the kind of devious crap that we promote here and want to be a part of a like-minded group over on Cat, go check em out. - Greybeard

Another product of public schools - I recieved an e-mail today from a guy looking to make a point. Wasn't much of a point, and typical of his breed he left no return e-mail address so I have chosen to show him a little love publicly.

Name: Whammy Mo Jammy



In response to your continueing bashing of the gray attacking community I have this to say. You go on about how you deathrobe, steal, even ruin peoples characters on purpose yet you say how the actual combat of a person flagged is so horriable. Why is this? Would it be because they're helpless to fight back in the same way a mage is who has just lost his pearl?

Umm... First thing I will do here is suggest you invest in a spellchecker, or perhaps a few "English as a Second Language" home study tapes, as you spell about as well as old people fuck, and that’s not very good at all. Second thing I will say is that I don’t openly bash EVERYONE who attacks flagged people. There are a lot of flagged people out there who need a good ass-kicking, and I personally make a nice living killing people who attack me while flagged. "Viva la’ Criminal Flag Killers!" as far as I am concerned. Where I DO speak out, is when morons do crap like camp out at the healers whacking newly ressed grey’s. These are the same butt-pirates who probably liked to camp out at the Chaos shrine killing newly ressed dreads. They have nothing even remotely resembling a nutsack and deserve to be ass-fucked with a flaming porcupine.

Think about it it's obvious the reason for this hate is that since you were theives these people attacked you. Stop whining and complaining about it...it's all part of the evil game as is the conning people into thinking the person your attacking is the true bad guy and just because it isn't convenient to you doesn't make it sad or cheap or whatever you drum up to help you sleep at night. If you have a problem with this maybe you should change your name to Evil is Good when it's convenient for us.

I will be the first to say that "Evil" and "Asshole" are not synonymous with one another. A guy steals your house key, kills your pet goat, loots your pad and runs off with your wife, now that’s evil (applause). Someone who does crap like I mentioned above, is an asshole. Do you see a pattern here?

Evil people do the kind of shit that no one else has the balls to do, then beat your ass when you protest. Assholes do shit they think they can get away with because no one else is watching, then run like a roach with the light on the second someone begins to dispense some industrial strength whoopass on em.

Just because some people are too stupid to know there is a difference doesn’t mean that there isnt one. - Greybeard

Want to see more mayhem from months past?

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