Repent ye Villian
After recieving several mails from viewers as well as sleeping on it, I decided to pull Corn Pops banner ad down. Like I said when I posted it, I thought it was pretty damn demented and only did so at his insistance. Finally decided that it was just too over the top and offensive to be associated with (and if you know me, thats saying alot)
Now I am never one to blatently gank good material from anyone else (well, and admit to it anyways) but I found Nighthawks latest Pic of the Day over at the JOV just awesomely funny. Here we see him teaching the finer art of administering a beatdown to some would-be toughguys he just dropped.
Pic courtesy of Nighthawk
Link O Rama Part II
Had a few more links submitted to me so here they are for your viewing pleasure.
The Battle Vortex Real Audio interviews as well as UO news and commentary.
Damien Squire's Server Down A PvP players home page, not much there yet though.
Forward Artillery A guild page, but has some Real Audio material as well.
Odorous Colon Squared Scary name, but great shockwave work here.
Morty the Retarded Energy Vortex Kind of a gimpy layout, but good potential once he gets the HTML down.
Bannings R Us
If you visit Dr. Twisters site, you have undoubtedly heard about the mass bannings of the MDK guild. While I have no doubt they were indeed assholes (there are 50 guilds just like them on every shard) is it a just reason to terminate all of their accounts in such a fashion? On his webpage Karnage gives his side of the story. And in all fairness I have to bitchslap him a little bit. He says that OSI's claims of "virtual rape" and harrasment are merely "alleged". Dude, put the pipe down for a sec and go to your guilds homepage. There are multiple screen shots on your guild page of Batlin doing his little "ass raping" macro. It's not a matter of alleging squat, your crew not only did it, but were so proud of it they took screenshots and published em on their site.
Now myself, I can see it as being funny because I realize the context it was meant it. I highly doubt that Batlin is in front of his monitor, penis in his hand excitedly *ass raping* the corpse you see here for sexual pleasure. The phrase *ass rape* is used to empasize the fact that someone just got beat down horribly. Granted he could of said anything ranging from *Laying the smack down* to *Droppin' B's on yo ass* etc etc, but the whole *Ass Rape* thing seemed to hold the best comical value. Angel Storm who isnt only the corpse you see here, but the crusader who inspired their banishment (see her side of the story) apperently doesnt appreciate their sense of humor. The heart of the issue as I see it, is the fact that in response to this incident OSI not only banned the character in question, but other members of the guild simply for being members.
As you and I know, OSI is totally out of touch with their public. They have no idea what the people want, and even less of an idea of how to give it to them. They seem to know even less about how people actually interact within the game. I took a moment a wrote them expressing my displeasure with their actions, I encourage you to all do the same.
The moral of the story here kiddies?
For MDK, you need to realize that you can only be an asshole for so long before it catches up to you. You must learn to balance your desire to do mean and hateful things to people with a little bit of class and style. Not beling liked is one thing, not being liked OR respected is quite another. To not have the respect of your enemy makes you unworthy of them.
For Angel, you need to lighten up. Realize that the game nor its players are here to cater to your every whim and ensure your comfort. Dont want to die? Fight back. Dont want to listen to profanity? Use your filter. Dont want to see a particular player? Recall. If someone uses bugs or exploits to best you thats one thing, by all means involve the Game Masters. If however all they do is offend your delicate sensibilites, deal with it. Justice should be dispensed by the players for the players, NOT by the GM's
Link O Rama
Added several new UO links today, check em out.
The Bastards Den New site, but shows potential.
The Domain of Hytek Get in depth and personal with a Chesapeke PK.
Jebu da Bastard The life and times of the afforentioned bastard.
Nukers Domain Formerly a PvP info page recently back from the dead.
Evil Incarnation General evil news and info.
Ait's Lair An up and coming UO humor page.
Fun with Teletubbies
Matt sent me this pic, which I felt nicely accomidated an anti Teletubbie web site I found awhile back. If you are like me and these things annoy you to no end, you will love the site. With influences like this, no wonder kids today are out blowing up shit.
Youre in our world now
Ever wondered what would happen when the KewL DoodZ moved from UO to EQ? Well wonder no more....
Pic courtesy of Bitenose
Words of wisdom
This was posted on the HaN message board by one of my Lake Superior guildmates in regards to OSI's latest idiotic comments on macroing:
To honest gamers like us, this
policy release is something to be read only while wearing hip-waders. If OSI agreed with
the player base, PvP would be consentual. If they were empathetic, their game support
wouldn't be near as open about their nepotism to the power-gaming Player Killer-- in fact,
it wouldn't exist. If they cared, they'd humbly take what game improving suggestions we
offer and give them the light they deserve as opposed to mocking the suggester outright.
Been there, done that
Snowman sent me this wav. file of a ghosts response right after being killed. I am sure most of you can relate as being either the ghost, or the person with the screen full of ooOOoOOoooO. Check it out here.
Hey, where does that
Sure, great idea. While youre at it, be sure to go play in traffic too... Word to the wise. When playing on abyss (or any other shard for that matter) and a gate appears, never assume that it is somewhere you wanna be. Here you see the outcome of 4 or 5 murderers running into a gate (your brilliant host included) only to find ourselves in front of the Britain bank. "Thou wilt regret thine!..." Fuck.
Today I found this lovely letter in my mailbox, apparently from Sparky himself.
So,have fun readin what nubee Demona posts =) later.
The former TaxCollecta
And of course you KNOW I just had to reply....
Hey man, you ever hear of a spellchecker? Jesus, dont they at least teach you guys basic punctuation in junior high school? After that illiterate mail of yours I can only presume you to be 12 or 13 years old at best, or a card carrying member of the "Dipshit of the Month" club. Bottom line is you (and your friend) got ganked like the ass-pirates you are. I was there, I read the book and I saw the movie, so I dont need you to repeat your dimwitted side of the story. I realize that twisting the facts in your favor helps you to cope with your severe case of penis envy, but it doesnt impress me a bit. Idiots like you should stick to racking up frags in Quake II, since you obviously lack the social skills to do anything other than masturbate to your Pamela Lee posters.
And as much as it pains you to admit it, I still have that lovely boat (and its contents) Whether its yours or Alice's matters not to me, the fact that we took it from idiots of your caliber makes it all worthwhile.
As far as "hunting" you, I wouldnt waste so much as the sweat from my hairy sack on your worthless hide. What, UO now suddenly has a moron shortage and I actually have to hunt for them? I think not. 90% or more of the people that play this game are clones of you, so I dont think I will have much trouble finding one. Besides, if I decide to make looking for assholes my stock and trade, i'll become a proctologist.
Your daddy Greybeard
It's Sparky Time
I am pleased to announce that we have a tie for this months Golden Sparky award. The honors go toTax Collector and AliceNWonderland of Lake Superior!
What did these two do to earn the honor of my favorite sphincter boys this month? Read on!
Day before yesterday I was on LS with my mage Demona, and went dungeon diving in Shame with a few guildmates and friends. A few minutes into the run one of our members who had fell behind came running up yelling "Help, PKs!" Now normally I get nervous when hearing that since I am usually the PK in question, but this time I was the good guy (or gal, as in this case). Anyways, hot on his tail runs in Tax Collector.. right into a whole crowd of us that is. He had just enough time to say "Oh shit, there is a lot of them" or something to that effect before we applied the Smackus Maximus to his ass.
We happened to find a rune and key on his corpse. After fighting off a few air elentals, evil mages, etc, I decided to go investigate. I gated in to find myself in front of a large brick house, and 3 or 4 mofos running out to play "smack my bitch up". Seeing the potential for a good old fashioned beat down party, I went back and got some of my pals.
We gated back in just in time to hear Alice say "I wish that Demona bitch would come back. Id kick her ass" after seeing me, the best a startled Alice could mutter was ":)"
There were 3 of them present, and 3 of us (we had more come through, but they wandered off to explore was me, Coopazo and one other fellow. One of their three said "Im Tax Collector" which seemed appropriate, since the actual Tax Collectiors corpse was still busy feeding the worms in Shame. A few words were exchanged, and Tax Collector made a move on Coop. Needless to say the Taxmans mule was soon cooling on the ground. Alice (the one who was going to kick my ass) went for me. Upon receiving a soothing Flamestrike massage, Alice realized that my ass was a bit more durable than she first imagined, and ran like hell after I dropped her to about 10 hp. Of course Tax Collector also had to come back and tell us how much we sucked, that I was a whore, had no skill etc etc.
Alice, being the brave soul that she was did not pass Go, and chose to run directly to her front porch and log out.
It was then that we found yet another rune on the Tax Collectors mule corpse. A few moments later apparently anxious to see if we had left, Alice logged back in. Seeing her I smiled and said "Corp Por" to which Alice replied "ugghhnn!". After looting Alice, we recalled off of their other rune into Skara Brae and found their boat (which the key fit), nicely stocked with weapons, armor, and a few hundred of each reagent.
As my party sailed away we concluded that there was a moral to this story:
Back in black
Got this in the mail from my main main Morax over at the PK-HQ.
Before you mail me about it..
Got assigned a new IP address, so the server has moved. Login and password are still the same, but you can now find the server at 18.104.22.168
He's a very kinky girl
A good thing about UO is that you have all sorts of freedom of expression. That can also be a bad thing as well.
"Does this deer mask make my butt look too big?" - Smokey of Atlantic
IRS agents make great PK's
I have to admit my ass still tingles. After visiting my accountant this morning and finding out that I owe the fed's $6100 for tax year 1998 (above and beyond the $22,000 I already paid em throughout the year), I felt like I had been rectally invaded by a herd of stampeding water buffalo. After finishing this update I reluctantly have to head to the post office to drop my return along with a check in the mail. All I can say folks is macro the hell out of your "tax shelter" skills lest you end up like me.
Greybeard at the movies
If you have not yet been to see "The Matrix" I stongly encourage you to do so. This is by far one of the most kick ass, action packed, badass films of the decade. Excellent scripting, acting and special effects make this mofo a must see. Odds are I will hit the theatre again this weekend to see it for the second time. (Well, if I can still afford a ticket after the above mentioned incident :P)
I must have been psychic
While digging around looking for old archive material I came across this piece that I wrote back in June of 98, right after the new reuptation patch went in. I found it especially ironic that most of what I wrote then still holds true today. Since thieving was nerfed a few months back the only real time I have spent in UO has been on Lake Superior with this same mage. Believe it or not I dont go around kicking puppies or flamestriking newbies.
I actually try to roleplay the character and lead a decent and just existence with her. You think it's tough trying to win a PvP match when the odds are 5 to 1 against you? Try being a decent person in UO. It is about 10 times harder. With all the assholes, pricks, jerks, morons, etc running around it's all to easy to be the bad guy and just start kicking peoples asses. Maintaining some composure about yourself and being a true "noble" in this game in light of the afforementioned opposition is about the toughest quest in the game (kudos to the House al Nassir by the way on that one) . Anyways, enough mushy sentiment from me... read on.Atlantic was down last night so I decided to head to Lake Superior and get Demona, my former GM Mage Dread out of mothballs. My houses were long gone, the bank account long since cleaned out by the minions of Lord British after slaughtering hundreds of his citizens, and all I had to my name was a nifty death robe, a stack of kindling and 43 gold pieces.
In my best role-playing prose I lingered at the Bank of Britain soliciting the many Famed and Illustrious Lords "Good sir, I fear I am down on my luck and in need of supplies could you spare even a small amount of gold or equipment?" only to be ignored or shoved aside. One or two of them paused briefly to hear my plea, and replied "Vendor buy me some bank guards!" then went upon their business and left, paying me no more attention than a discarded pile of furs.
I then went to the mage shop, still being a master mage and adept scribe even after my bout with stat loss and again plead my case "Please milord, I am a well trained scribe in need of supplies, I will gladly use my skills to repay you!" Again, the room filled with nobles went about their business ignoring me as if I was the orphan child Oliver begging for table scraps. Finally I made my way to the smithy, were I happened across a fellow dread who was now reformed. We chatted briefly about the good old days, reminiscing back to when Dread mages ruled the lands, incinerating their prey with 5 or 6 rapidly hurled Vas Flams. He supplied me with some equipment, a rune and some recall scrolls, then provided me with transportation to deceit, where we could slay some bone mages and I could reform my now "wicked" persona.
We hunted for all of about 5 minutes when suddenly an Illustrious Lord laden in platemail appeared in the corner of the room. He watched us for about a minute or so them recalled out. Within 30 seconds of his disappearance, a gate opened in the exact same spot where he stood and Daemons, Drakes and the like came pouring out. I immediately hid, and not moments later this Illustrious champion of virtue recalled back and began looting the fallen warriors filling his pack to the brim with ill-gained goods.
I chuckled as I sat hidden. Here I was branded as wicked, unable to buy goods in town, my bank account long since seized, and my former Grandmaster skills reduced to a shadow of their former glory. I sat here thinking this while this Illustrious Lord looted and pillaged the bodies which he had slain not with own skill or ability, but with the assistance of unwilling servants. I watched his title go unchanged, his bank account go untouched, his skills and stats remain fully intact, and nothing more than two minutes of criminal flagging serve as his penalty.
I ask myself, what has really changed? The truly worthy evil citizens of this land, brave enough to display their murderous titles are penalized and driven to the point of near extinction, while the so-called nobles do little to aid their fellow man, ignoring their pleas for help and hiding behind their titles while acting out their villainous desires unpunished.
I found bitter irony in the fact that it took a former and force-reformed dread lord to come to my aid, while the nobles I approached did nothing. That irony is also compounded by these ex-Great Lords with their new and shiny titles, whom still engage in the same dark and dastardly deeds. When will true justice prevail I wonder?
I noticed one fallen warrior whose equipment was still partially intact. I fumbled through his pack and found nothing but a satchel containing about 6 of each reagent, some chain armor and a few healing potions. Quite humorous, the murdering Illustrious Lord enraged that I dare touch "his" loot attacked me, whereupon I recalled out to town.
Now knowing full and well that the reputation patch had really changed nothing, and that all my attempts at reforming my ways were for naught, I made my way back out to my old home away from home, the Britan crossroads. A few unfortunate travelers and a few well placed-ebolts later, and my pack was flowing over with loot. Best of all was my comfort in knowing that my victims were all well aware of whom they fell to. There was no falsely earned title over my head and there were no NPCs telling me how happy they were to cater to me. It was just like the olden days. As flawed as they were, there was still some room for the true bad guys to be bad. Now it seems like all we have these days is a society laden with wolves in sheeps clothing. Whats the answer? OSI seems to think that making things like gating monsters impossible, eliminating bank-thieves, and other such restrictions is the sure fire cure all. Never once do they seem to consider a concept such as the Bucs Den proposal I offered which gives more options rather than restrictions, to enlighten our role-playing experience. We evil of the lands are instead forced to deal with a role-playing game that seems to have no role for us. Some things never change - Greybeard
More shockwave fun
This one is a parody of those cutesy VW commercials that Omar sent me awhile back, and its a very well made piece. It's pretty big (2 meg) but well worth it. You can download it here.
It appears that from the feedback I have gotten so far, that meditation has not been changed. The reason that other fellow noticed a difference is probably because he wasnt well fed.
Have we been cornholed once
Mike sent me this... check it out and lemme know if you find the same kind of results...It seems as though the sneaky bastards at OSI are up to it again. They didnt enjoy their nut long on nerfing fishing, now they want mages, what perverts they are. I have recently run a uoa macro working on resisting. A simple string that included, flame strike, gr heal, meditate, with a 25000 pause built in which allowed full restoration of mana. (I have gm meditate) Well after the server shutdown today (4/8), I start my macro back up to find that my mana will only regenerate to 84 with the 25000 pause. No ar changes, nothing different. I find that I had to increase the pause to 35000 to allow full regeneration. Only answer is that meditation rate has been tweaked. Checked the owo site, and found no mention of it, strange, but predictable! This occurred on the Atlantic shard, but I would think others may have noticed the change as well. Keep up the good work, love the entertainment you provide.
Go stuff it.
Well, the MP3 server is back up. Hopefully it will take you awhile to upload 17 gig's worth :P If you mailed me for access and still havent gotten word back, its probable that your request got lost. Resend it to me and I will get it handled.
It's was just a matter
Sooner or later I figured someone would take my Beavis and Butthead wav. and make a movie out of it and sure enough, the Pugster did. It's a wee bit rough but I think it gets the idea across.
In case you were wondering...
Problem is that I cannot handle any more uploads. I only alloted 3 gig of HD space for MP3's on my system and now I have over 1000 tunes and 3.5 gig jammed in there. Over the course of this week I will be adding a 13 gig HD and when I do, I will be responsing to all of you who mailed me for access and giving out the login info. Didnt want you guys to think I forgot about you :)
Damn, my sides still
Just when I thougt Ron was the king of shockwave, these fellows come along and this is a must-see. Check out UOLAMERZ
Oh God, not more Monica
I think this one speaks for itself...
Pic courtesy of Griffyn of Sonoma
Its really bad when...
Q sent me this pic of a NPC thief's response after someone had yelled for the guards. Seems like they think that the thievery patch sucks ass too.
Sucks to be us eh?
Step One - open mouth. Step
Two - insert foot.
This was entirely too funny. For those of you out there who dislike GM Iron Will for some boneheaded thing he did or said to you in the past will piss yourself with laughter at this thread. The rest of you may not have the same reaction, but at least you will get a kick out of seeing the Ironman eating a healthy portion of crow.
Quick, somebody pinch
Today I read the details of the proposed Evil system and I have to say, it appears to be the shit. Granted, what OSI proposes and what we get (and then manage to keep) arent always one and the same but I see some great potential here. It seems to be a much improved version of the old great/dread lord system with many new and kickass twists. I only hope that it works out as it is proposed and mishaps on OSI's parts and player created loopholes dont screw it up. The system is up on TC now so I encourage everyone to check it out then mail me with their thoughts and opinions.
Evil characters and heroes
No unemployment offices in
Without a doubt many people went through a fair amount of time and trouble making a fisherman, only to have the skill gimped by OSI just a few days later. Here we see a fellow that decided to make a career change right away.
"Well whaddya know, dead people have even better loot than sunken ships!" - Heretic
I know you get alot of mail. This was the first time I have ever visited your site, I am very impressed. You write with flair and panache. (is that right?) Anyway, your work is good. I just have a question. I am Elendil from the pacific, old time dread lord and leader of the bounty board for a long while. I just got back into the game with a new character after a 5-month absence. Answer these questions for me:
What is MP3? And how come all the cool stuff that happens on other shards is pretty much absent on the pacific shard? Seems like nothing goes on there???
1. An MP3 is a file format that allows you to record a CD quality song in about a 3 meg file. People then trade them via the net. You can record them onto tape or CD and make home-grown recordings. They are a very cool (and illegal) way to enjoy the songs you want.
2. Pacific sucks.
***Disclaimer*** I do not play on Pacific so I have no idea whether it sucks or not, it just seemed to be the right thing to say at the time. All I can assume is that the Pacific GM's are too busy watching Shockwave movies at Ron's site to be bothered with trivial things like servicing players, creaing quests, etc.
It appears that OSI has added yet another skill to the game and failed to inform us of it.. Proctology. Maybe this will help you better deal with all the in-game assholes you encounter.
Pic courtesy of Myrkul of Sonoma