Previous Quotes

"About the only people I might quibble with are bisexuals, because I think we all agree at some point that these people are just incredibly greedy motherfuckers." - Dennis Miller

"Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die." - a men's room in Champaign, IL

"Do I know how fast I was going officer? Yeah, I do. I was doing a hundred and fifteen fuckin miles an hour because I have a huge red pepper of rage lodged into my sphincter muscle." - Dennis Miller

"Hard work has a future. Laziness pays off now." - Bumper Sticker

"If a man builds 1000 bridges and sucks 1 dick, no one calls him a bridge builder - they call him a cocksucker." - Play It to the Bone

"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs." - David Daye

"Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him." - Unknown

"I need to kill NH and Grey off quick so I don't have to animate so much in M:WTF2" - Ronald McDonald

"Valentine's day doesn't mean anything to me." - The perfect girlfriend

"This puts the exchange rate at around 15,000 to 25,000 Ultima Online gold units to the U.S. dollar, making a unit of Ultima gold nearly equal in value to the Vietnamese dong." -Dell News (page 2)

"What do you mean I can't sell castle deeds I create on Ebay?" - GM Darwin circa 1999

"The more I deal with women, the more I realize that masturbation is king." - Nighthawk

"If you get to be thirty-five and your job still involves wearing a name tag, you've probably made a serious vocational error." - Dennis Miller

"Canada is a place for prostitutes and their chlamydia-infected clients and it's a damn good thing they have nationalized health care." - Bastard test

"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love." - Woody Allen

"Women do not snore, burp, sweat or fart. Therefore, they must bitch or they will blow up." - anon

"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten." - George Carlin

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!" - Ralph Wiggum (The Simpsons)

"Some people should die... that's just unconscious knowledge." - Jane's Addiction - Pig's In Zen

"They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem." - George Carlin

"I'm going to get a racing stripe tatoo'd on my cock." - Ainvar (at the JoV Gathering)

"Don't say anything bad about someone until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, when you say something bad, you're a mile away, and you've got his shoes." - Jack Handey - Deep Thoughts (SNL)

"<@Logan> I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident.
<@Logan> I was thinking "What the hell is this guy doing?""
- Some random IRC guy

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright

"I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks." - Jack Handey - Deep Thoughts (SNL)

"Sure, its class based gayness, but at least I get to kill people." - Joe - Speaking about DAoC

"<NyseriA> Things I've learned about war from videogames: If you find yourself mortally wounded by an enemy sniper be sure to let him know that he is a faggot." - IRC Quote

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

"When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider dating outside the family." - Unknown

"They say a smile is a gift that is free to the giver and precious to the recipient. But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere." - Unknown

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black." - Chris Rock

[While discussing his career mistakes] "All of the younger actors keep coming up to me and asking me where all of the land mines are because they know I've stepped on them all." - Burt Reynolds

"'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

[speaking of someone who's Internet-brave] "If he spoke to me like that irl, I'd be seeing if I could fit him inside a Wendy's biggie-size cup." - IRC Quote

"Only two things are infinite.. the universe, and human stupidity. And I''m not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

"That's enough of that shit." - Clint Eastwood (directing) after a take, instead of "Cut!"

"Everyone has two cents, but it's only worth taking from very few people. Most people just swallowed a couple pennies and expect you not to mind when they come out covered in shit." - Azaroth in his interview

"I plan to live forever. So far so good." - Steven Wright

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." - Oscar Wilde

"Men are like cement... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard."
"Women are like a carpet... lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever."
- Both Unknown

"The U.S. Government today changed its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. Condoms stand up to inflation, halt production, destroy the next generation, protect pricks, and give a sense of security while actually screwing you!" - Unknown

"I am trying to see things from your perspective but I just can't get my head that far up my ass." - Mike Adams

"The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence has its limits." - Unknown

"Stephen Hawking wasn't even smart enough to dodge my pee." - Joe (slightly drunk)

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." - Douglas Adams

"Beer... the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you." - Arthur McAuliff

"You're about as useful as a poopie-flavored lollipop." - Rip Torn (in Dodgeball)

"Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them." - Unknown

"Hurricanes are like women - when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car." - Unknown

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

"I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can buy." - Steve Martin

"Having sex with two girls at once is so hot, even gay men fantasize about it." - Phil from

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde

"Intelligence is alcohol soluble." - Unknown

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." - Robin Williams

"We're hoping for penises here!" - Joe's greatest out-of-context quote

"Unbounded hope is a dangerous thing. It causes you to do things that don't make sense, take risks that are completely unwarranted, make foolish interpretations, and see things that aren't really there." - - Brian Katz