Oh yeah, a quick note..

I wanted to clarify that my comments about whiny fuckheads was in no way directed at LoD, only to the candy asses whining on various msg boards. LoD in fact are my role models. I hope someday I will grow up big and strong and be just like them... only not banned - Greybeard

Deep Thoughts from Beard'

I’ve not played any UO since my last Pking runs on test center a few months ago, but wanted to take a moment to express a few opinions about some recent goings on there.

First to the “volunteers” who decided to bring a lawsuit against OSI. You all can go eat a bowl of dick as far as I am concerned, you are nothing but a bunch of ungrateful rat bastards who are just pissed because GM Clyde didn’t offer to let you blow him in exchange for a placed keep. I mean come on, to volunteer for a job then turn around and try to sue for pay (contrary to the term “volunteer” itself) makes it clear that you are a fucking moron. I hope you all get a festering case of crabs.

Next, to those who cry that their account was banned because they posted bugs and promoted exploitation, you can partake of that same piping hot bowl of dick mentioned earlier. Sure I was a grief player… sure on more than one occasion I made some poor sap oOOOOOooO me for 20 minutes because I stole his mandrake then made him “feel the shaft of love” with my heavy crossbow of vanq, but I never had to resort to goofy shit like marking runes under peoples doors, hacking my stats or duping castle deeds. Taking such shortcuts is merely a cover for the fact that you suck, and cant get ahead in the game without resorting to gimpy assed tactics.

Some might call me a hypocrite because I used UOE for a long time and promoted it, but fuck them in the ear. Aside from the clearly gay features like show hidden people (which didn’t last long) all of the features it offered were things that should have been legal anyways (many of which actually ARE legal today). People who cried about fastwalk were the biggest morons of all who didn’t really know how useless it was.

Has Origin made more mistakes than Ron Jeremy has made porno flicks? Sure they have. If you want to sue them, at least do it over something useful like lag, Lady Moi or all those fucking rats and snakes that ran rampant in Despise. I can appreciate a good rant as well as the next guy but please, this latest round of sissyfied pissing and moaning makes me want to smack someone.

BTW, if you havent been there yet, go check out Azaroth. Im not sure if porn clips and hentai actually qualify as good UO commentary, but he does tell the occasional GM to blow him which is good enough for me.
- Greybeard


LoD Gets Dicked by OSI

I was going to do a quick writeup of the spiffy gathering we had in Toronto, but this has precedence for the moment. Our good friends in LoD have been utterly ravaged by the ass rammers at OSI. Their entire guild was banned (12 permanently), the LoD stone was deleted, all their tamed dragons/drakes/nightmares/etc were deleted, and now most recently their keep locked and friends/co-owners lists cleared - left to decay.

Why? Well, aside from the fact that OSI obviously doesn't give a fuck about its long term customers, here's what started it. A link to UOE. More specificially a BROKEN link to UOE that led to a "page could not be found". Did we mention that UOE hasn't worked for almost a year now? How is that promoting exploiting again? Oh... right.... it's not because it was a fucking broken link, moron. But I digress.

Here's a quick list of the bullshit that LoD has had to put up with :

8/30 - All of LoD is 72 hour banned no reason yet given.

9/1 - Several, not all, were given an email stating "Your account was closed for being a member of the guild LoD whose webpage is linked through the guild charter to our wegbpage. On the LOD webpage is information concerning exploiting and advocating their use." and "The Guild stone on Baja has the link to the LOD web page that offers downloads for illegal 3rd party programs such as UOE and others". Uoe hasnt worked in a bout 8 months, it was the only "exploiting" program on their site.

9/7 - accounts of 12 LoD members are perma banned, not for the web page incident itself, but because OSI counted the "web page" as a flag, and counted it against any previous violations. So, if you 1 or more previous flags over the 3 years you played uo, you are perma'd.

9/10 - Guildstone deleted for having offense guild titles. OSI claims they had numerous people complain about them such as "disciple biatch".

9/11 - All guild tamers have their dragons, drakes, mares, etc deleted.

9/19 - LoD keep is locked up, all friends removed.

9/20 - Email is sent from osi to the owner of the keep, who wasnt even on the LoD stone, that his account was now perma banned. He had 0 previous flags. When he asked osi why they would ban him for one flag over 3 years of playing they responded,"

One violation can indeed result in the termination of an account. The UO Player Relations team has decided that the offense on this account does warrant termination.

UO Account Admin

What a crock of shit. All that over a fucking broken link. And people wonder why I absolutely will never give my money to EA/OSI again.

Come back to AC guys - I'll twink ya up. Playing a game by Turbine will be like waking up from a 3 year nightmare...
- Nighthawk

Bowing to the Man

Papa John's forced me to remove their (my) logo.

That's about as exciting as news gets around here. I'd elaborate, but the jist of it is : When a legal guy wants his (your) shit down, he'll confuse you with 6+ letter words and many e-mails with more than 5 paragraphs that I think involve reading.

I simply cannot have that in my life right now.

In other related news, St. Louis clenched the NL Central tonight. You care.

After our trip to Toronto to soak some suds with the likes of Azile and others not worth mentioning (Devestate, Aztek, Azash, Icerazor, Stumpy, Mettle, Joe, Rich, Me), and after much pleading, insisting, and too many god damned pitchers of Honey Brown.....I was somehow deceived into playing AC again. I, being my usual self, haven't played much, but that's because all I am doing, will be doing, (probably won't be doing) for awhile on the character is leveling. However, I have been twinked to a sufficient soloing level by Joe, Azile, and Rich, so soon I suppose I'll rebegin assassinating pixels.

Important thing to note is I am not playing Ronald McDonald, the character, anymore, as he is about as useful as an empty roll of toilet paper after chili. I'll maintain my femininity until the time is right.

As far as pictures of Toronto excursions go, I'll have the film developed as soon as I am brave enough to co-exist with Wal Mart shoppers. Should be really soon.

See you next month.

- Ron


Turbine's Monthly AC Update

Yet again, the monthly Asheron's Call update from Turbine is impressive.

- Entire towns have been destroyed and left with shadow spires hovering above and craters where the town was
- One almost destroyed town with remenants of battle and a mangled shadow spire nearby
- New quest items - orb, bow and shield. All major classess get something this month (mage, archer, and meleer)
- Dye armor? You betcha.
- Missing skill point at 32 is back - thank God
- New monsters. And I don't mean same old monsters with different coloring and higher stats. I mean, 3 new species of monsters, new art, etc.
- Probably new dungeons and several new quests that have yet to be discovered

Cost for all of this for Asheron's Call players? $25 expansion pack? $10 addon cd? No - free. *yawn* Enjoy playing UO. I'll be in a real game....
- Nighthawk


And Bob Vila wept...

This little tidbit is hardly gaming related, but I thought I would share it with you regardless. As some of you may know, I am in the real estate business buying, renovating and selling houses. Anyway, I am at this house in east Detroit yesterday that I just bought and I have a crew of my guys there doing various repairs.

I'm standing in the front yard talking to my partner, when suddenly I hear this scream, followed by insane laughter. Moments later my workers come running out of the house, some with a look of terror on their face, some retching, others vomiting violently. "WTF?" is the first thing that crosses my mind as I run over to see whats going on.

After speaking with the guys for a few minutes, I discover what happened. While knocking down a wall in the bathroom, apparently this fellow swung his sledgehammer a little wide and landed a blow squarely on the toilet. Unfortunately for him, this toilet had a gorilla sized load of shit floating in it for an undetermined amount of time, possibly weeks or months. I am sure you can imagine what effects the summer heat can have on a massive load of shit floating around in putrid water for weeks on end.

The force of the sledgehammer caused the toilet to explode with tremendous force, sending shards of porcelin and shit flying over the entire room, covering the poor guy from head to toe. The scream apparently Came once he realized what this sticky substance covering his clothes, face and hair was. The laughter was from my other workers who ran to the door to find him standing there next to this exploded toilet with shit everywhere, and the violent heaving and vomiting came from everyone once the putrid and horrifying aroma of this festering gorilla load wafted out of the room.

I laughed till I cried, then retched a bit myself as shit demon-odor came creeping out of the house. Ultimately we had to soak both the room and the affected worker with pine-sol and hose em down, and we had to draw straws to determine who would don the face mask and rubber gloves, and head into the room of stank for cleanup duty.

I guess the moral of the story is always be sure to flush. The lunch you lose, may be your own.
- Greybeard