Jesus H.

I should have stayed home from work today to sit on the can with a laptop and an ashtray.

For once, this isn't Visa / Mastercard and Lifeminders Today.

Guess I can answer those of you however with positive response right now with a simple "glad you enjoyed." We put a lot of work in the past week+ into it, so I am glad you got your free 3 minutes out of it. For those 2 of you who wrote to tell me how bad I sucked, remember your admission was free.

Fortunately, I have the general outline for the sequel (hence, the "to be continued"), but I wouldn't expect it within the next few days or anything. I am not sure if you've attempted to make a shitty UO guy slit throats or anything before, but it takes a bit of (tedious) time. None that I can give up at the moment.

Anyway, thanks for the solid support. I'm like, all choked up and shit, you know. I'm sensitive to your needs.
- Ron

For once in a lifetime...

I have beaten a deadline.

New movie is up, feel free to view here or on the menu.

Enjoy. Or don't. If you have any problems, let us know.
- Ron


And Christmas came early this year...

As luck would have it, we have the newest flash feature movie completed ahead of schedule. It will be released here at WTFMan tonight at midnight, EST. Be sure to tune in and enjoy the beatdowns.
- Greybeard


Coming soon...

Ron and I (well, mostly Ron, I dream up silly shit and he actually makes it happen) have been working on what is truly the best flash movie that the WTFmen have ever produced. While this next movie isnt due to be completed and released till next Wednesday, we feel that its time to start winding the PR machine up to speed now.

Ultima Online, Lum the Mad, Tom Cruise and Slimfast will never be the same again. Brace yourself for:

See Above

Be sure not to forget the popcorn.
- Greybeard


Oh yeah and before I forget...

The Cygnus UO shard is back in operation. Also, Lewt had his accounts unbanned and is now free to play nicely with the AzN's again. Who says we arent a news site?
- Greybeard

For once, I have no comment... sort of.

I recieved a couple e-mails today from viewers pointing out a silly-assed bit of commentary from Lietgardis over at Lum's site, and they wondered if I planned on posting a scathing comment or two about her.

I am deeply sorry, but for once I feel I have nothing more to add here. I believe that anyone with even half a brain could figure out that Lietgardis is one of the stupidest, most ignorant and overly sensitive fucking cunts on the face of the planet. That is a fact that she makes painfully clear, and requires no elaboration whatsoever from me. I trust you all to do your own math on this one.
- Greybeard


Top 10 Ways to be the "Funny Guy" in your Office

Had this forwarded to me by the local damnable Mets fan, Eric, who also shares a toilet with and runs "the definitive metal site" with Joe (shameless plug - damned good reading material), and so I figured I'd share what I found to be pretty fucking funny.

10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't, and then punch them in the face.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you're just kidding and tell them that they are all a bunch of fucking queers.

8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard. Then during the meeting, put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a big loogie. Then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say, "Beat That."

7. Inform a male co-worker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker." Then piss in his coffee and tell him that he needs a good ass fucking.

6. Always walk around with a big smile on your face and keep one hand down your pants.

5. Answer every question asked to you with "Fuck if I know" then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.

4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts. Get them really sweaty, and then walk around shaking everyone's hand.

3. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them it's the fake plastic kind. When they try to pick it up, and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.

2. Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over and yell, "It won't stop! God help me! It won't stop!" Then when it stops, look down and say, "Oh."

1. Ask to borrow someone's pen. Bring it to the bathroom and stick it in your ass. Return it and tell the person to smell it. When they tell you it smells bad, be like, "It should! I had it in my ass!"

If the Cardinals lose tonight in New York, I'll cry like a little bitch. Some things never change.
- Ron


Greybeard vs. Gamers.Com

Tonight I happened across a link over at Lum's to an article written by Sandy Brundage over at Gamers.Com which I felt was way off base. You can find her story here. After reading that nonsense, I felt compelled to send her this e-mail...

-----Original Message-----
From: Bob Selby [mailto:bselby@mediaone.net]
To: *Editorial Feedback
Subject: Article on Verants banning and a serious inaccuracy with it

I recently read your piece about Verants banning of a EQ player and found the line: "Microsoft's Asheron's Call (AC) and Origin's Ultima Online (UO), the other heavy hitters in the MMORPG arena, should thank Verant as players continue to defect from EQ. The UO player's guide only defines acceptable in-game behavior." And I had to laugh. You apparently do not realize that Origin in particular has actively been banning people's accounts for out-of-game behavior for a long time now, and has if anything picked up the pace in recent months.

I myself have been banned for comments made in an IRC room, entire guilds have been banned on more than one occasion for the content of their web pages (you can read some details about LoD and LuT at my site, http://www.wtfman.com) and they have even gone so far as to track peoples IP addresses and ban those whose have made posts on message boards which traditionally deal in bugs and exploit discussion.

If anything, Origin has been resorting to modern day Naziism in order to remove those from the game whose opinions differ from theirs, and they in fact make Verant look downright pleasant. Hell, with Verant this person who was banned got the CEO of the company on the line. Best you can hope for with Origin is a "Sorry, I cannot help you with that" form letter. Though I disagree with what Verant did, I don’t think the comparison to Origin was even remotely fair nor accurate. There are a heckuva lot more "thought police" at Origin than Verant will ever see.

aka. Bob Selby

And this was the gracious reply I recieved...


Thanks for the info. However, I did contact Origin for comment prior to posting the story, and the guidelines were what they used to support their statement. Upon reading the guidelines, as I'm sure you have seen, there is nothing in there about off-game behavior. Players have left EQ for UO. Those were the two points my story made about UO, and those were accurate.


Sandy Brundage
News Editor, Gamers.com

ICQ# 44893563
(510) 307-4922
(510) 376-5537 (cel)
(510) 215-8098 fax

Needless to say, this chick is IMO seriously way too delusional and arrogant for her own good. Here is my typically friendly Greybeard-esque reply...

-----Original Message-----
From: Bob Selby [mailto:bselby@mediaone.net]
To: *Editorial Feedback
Subject: re: Article on Verants banning and a serious inaccuracy with it

If you were to meet a guy on the corner, and he told you that alien lesbian accountants from Uranus were invading earth at midnight tonight and planned to kidnap Gary Coleman, would you rush home and write a story about it and classify it as “news?” That’s the feeling I get from your self-confident reply. It never fails to amaze me when the responsibility for delivering accurate, on-point news gets so horrifically abused and twisted in the manner that you have done. While you are busy sitting back comfortably thinking what a brilliant reporter you are, let me point out just how wrong you really are:

In reviewing Origins “guidelines” as you call them, you apparently missed this little gem straight from their “Terms and Agreements” page.. and I quote: “Origin Systems reserves the right to terminate your Membership if it determines in its sole discretion that you have engaged in any impermissible conduct whether or not such conduct violates the Rules of Conduct.”

Basically that’s a very similar clause to what Verant publishes. In a nutshell, they can terminate your account for whatever reason they see fit, than includes both IN and OUT of game conduct. Maybe next time you should actually do more research on what the fuck you are writing about.

With respect to your comment that “People have left EQ for UO” I’m sure that they have, and all 3 of them are very happy. Not that there is anything wrong with UO, it’s a great game and I still play it today, but anyone with half an ounce of sense in the MMORPG community will tell you that the defections from UO to EQ have been far greater than those who have left EQ for UO. Hell, the age of the games in comparison to one another should make that clear enough. How many people do you think leave Diablo 2 to play PONG?

Furthermore, your attempt to paint Verant as the bad guys for this one banishment is laughable, especially in light of the fact that Origin, whom you attempt to portray as the “good guys” have a long history of cracking down on people for out of game behavior, another tidbit of information you overlooked. Let me direct you to the following…

http://galad.drtwister.com (Lewts banning for a racist website)
http://www.lumthemad.net (see Oct 6th news, more on LuT’s banning)
http://www.uo-underground.com/uougly/ (see 10/5 news for more on LuT’s bannings)
http://www.lumthemad.net/news/969631458,3691,.shtml (bannings of those posting on a UO related message board)
http://www.lumthemad.net/news/969550657,54333,.shtml (more on the message board bannings)
http://www.lod4life.com (a UO guild which was banned for their website content)
http://www.wtfman.com/uoevil (my personal banishment for activity in an IRC chat room)
http://www.lumthemad.net/cgi/newspro/viewnews.cgi?search (see Oct 14th and 15th news on the IRC banning)

Those are just a FEW stories which point out Origins long standing history of banning people for out-of-game activity. Had you taken a moment to do your homework, it would be clear that Verant isn’t the group of iron-fisted rat bastards you portray them to be. If nothing else, they are in good company and this is hardly a new issue.

In conclusion, your story couldn’t of missed the mark more had it been written by a dyslexic crackwhore with Parkinson’s disease. Your staunch defense of it and refusal to consider any other facts makes it clear that you must have an incredible set of tits, as noone in their right mind would hire you based on your accuracy or objectivity. As Dennis Miller would say “That’s just my opinion, but I could be wrong”

- Greybeard


Yes, even Greybeard has his heroes...

I have linked both of these guys before, but tonight I was doing some web surfing and popped by to visit their pages again and felt I should do a brief write up on them as sadly, not everyone has seen their fabulous work.

First, mad props to Midas over at UO Parody Songs. I would be lying if I didnt tell you that "rOxxOr" wasnt one of the funniest fucking things I've heard in my life. Just about every one of the songs he has done is hilarious and the production value is top knotch. If you havent heard them yet, definately check it out.

Secondly my hat is off to Scott Kurtz, author of PvP comics. I remember back when this guy first started out doing skits based on his UO experiences with his Samwise strip. Scott's work is nothing short of awesome and he now even has a monthly strip appearing in PC Gamer magazine. You should kiss his ass now while you can, as in time I suspect he is destined to be huge... rightfully so I might add. (BTW, go buy yourself a PvP Fez while they are still available, you will be the l33test guy at your next LAN party. Chicks will dig you, men will want to frag you)

One of my favorite strips from Scott

In any event, both these guys make the games we play that much more entertaining and in time I am sure we will see more of their work. I have seen several other sites link them both, but I dont feel they have been given due credit for the outstanding talent they have shared with us. Personally, they have both made me laugh out loud and I for one am thankful they do what they do.
- Greybeard


I'm sorry, but I cannot help you with that ^ ^ keke

When will it end? You may recall our earlier story on the banning of several LoD members based on their web page content. Now, it has happened again. 2 members (possibly more to come, we don’t know yet) of the LuT guild have been banned due strictly to the content of their web site for being “racist”

Here are my questions to you:

#1 Do you consider this web site to be racist, or simply funny as hell?

#2 Should members of LuT be banned for their web page? (vote here)

Personally, I think it’s a load of shit that’s typical of the lack of a sense of humor at Origin. Just look at the kind of ass-backward brain dead logic they used to justify this...

'"Player has bad character name on Drachenfels, Kenneth Biotchi. He also has a guild title "Daito-Rooter", and has given people guild titles "The Rooterus Maximus", and "ImaRooter." The use of Rooter makes fun of Asian players that have trouble pronouncing "L"s. Rooter=Looter. The content on their webpage is very anti-Asian, and the use of these titles in game is clearly meant to make fun of Asians in nature"

Hell, you may remember that they banned me once before for my foray into their IRC room (see the September 16th post) You may also remember that a public outcry with a valid point can indeed cause OSI to change their minds, which is what happened with me.

I strongly encourage everyone to read the full story here, vote, then head over to the LuT forum and share your opinion on the matter. If you feel as I do that this was a poor decision on behalf of Origin and needs to be reconsidered, mail them and tell them how you feel.

Long live Galad
- Greybeard


MMORPG Overload

Just when you thought that we had seen enough massively multiplayer gaming, here comes a new contender into the ring. Dawn is scheduled to go into beta next spring and it looks promising, you can find the official site here. I plan on keeping an eye on it since it seems to offer up some solid features, but one thing really brings a bit of doubt to my mind. They claim on their main page that:

"Unlike its predecessors (Everquest, Asheron's Call, Ultima Online...) Dawn will be a well balanced haven for both hardcore role players and gamers."

And frankly I think they are full of shit there. That is an impossible task for anyone to pull off. Thats like saying you are going to build a community center for jews and neo-nazi's to gather in harmomy and sip tea while exchanging meatloaf recipes.

The harsh reality is that so long as there are people looking to enjoy themselves in a fantasy adventure world and socialize with other like-minded people, there will also be those would like nothing better than to loot their home, steal their horse and skull-fuck their rotting corpse. This is a lesson we all learned well in Ultima Online. Why game developers keep trying to sell us on this utopian world where everyone can co-exist is beyond me.

Just turn on your evening news. Human beings cant get along in the real world without robbing, raping, murdering and ass-fisting one another on a daily basis, so how the hell are we supposed to do it in a virtual one?
- Greybeard


Interesting link of the day

Got a request from Will a few days back to toss up a link to his site, GodYoureGay.com so check it out. Be warned, its not for the squeamish, pregnant women or those under 48' tall. I am also working on a new feature to be named "Greybeards Picks." Essentially it is a collection of all my favorite links and web oddities, as well as my favorite classic WTFMan bits. It should be up in some form by the weekend, I can tell you are all holding your breath for it now.

Also, the Cygnus UO shard is going to be back online soon, check back over the next few days for info.
- Greybeard


You no PK me ok la? ^ ^

I consider myself a pretty open minded guy. I try not to let racial stereotypes interfere with my perceptions of people and give everyone a fair shake. That being said however, I gotta tell you... some of these Koreans and assorted Asians (herto referred to azn's) on the Battle.net servers make me want to bitchslap someone.

Even in a game like Diablo II where the level of social interaction is relatively low, the language and cultural divide between them and us couldnt be greater. Even the simple act of trading items with an azn is a mindnumbing event. "I GIVE YOU CHIPPED SKULL FOR FROSTBURN. TRADE OK?" What the fuck kind of rice-paper wrapped blunts are these bastards smoking? And dont EVEN let an azn get ahold of a halfway decent item. "YOU GIVE ME 10 SILKS FOR FROSTBURN. TRADE OK?"

Whats even worse, is that I play on USEAST. A name one would likely assume means a east coast US server. Apparently, USEAST in Korean must mean "FREE SEX HERE" or some other equally attractive thing, since there are more Koreans on that server at any given time than anyone else, this despite the fact that there is a server clearly marked ASIAN.

Am I advocating segregation? of course not, only questioning the rationale of this azn invasion onto our virtual shores. I think another important aspect of this issue is what kind of affect these virtual conflicts have between real people. I personally have seen tons of racist sentiment tossed back and forth over this sort of thing, and surely peoples thoughts of one another on each side of the ocean has to be adversely affected by this. Hell, Galad and company have killed and looted enough azn's in UO alone that im surprised Korea and Japan havent declared war on the US.

I guess the bottom line is that groups of people with no real firm understanding of each others language, customs and traditions interacting with one another is pretty risky, kind of like trying to pick up chicks at the free clinic. While a condom might come in handy in the latter situation, wearing one unfortunately does very little to help me speak Korean any better.
- Greybeard