The Weekend in Review

FridayAs I am sure you know or have heard, we were "hacked" by some cox0r at some point Friday. Found this out courtesy of numerous sites and many an e-mail while taking a 5 minute break from my work groove Monday morning. Joy. I couldn't do anything from work, and Rich and Bob weren't answering their www.wtfman.com Beepers or Cellphones they were supposed to be using in the event of such a catastrophy, and I had accidentally sold mine on eBay. So that explains why everything was more fubar than normal ,for so much longer than normal, on Friday. I am sure you coped. We didn't have anything to say that day anyway.

If you missed it, you didn't miss much. If our esteemed hacker boy possessed a brain whatsoever, he sure as hell didn't know how to use it. I believe the only damage he did (that he actually followed up on) was cracking the update script and posting shit dumber than even I post. Due to our host possessing some kind of security hole, he was able to pretty much just read the password, so it's not like he really "cracked" much or even really "hacked" anything at all. However, in the blessed Ktalk over at Lum's, and the little tandy gram he left on the site when he first dicked with us, that Bob posted over there, he seemed to think he was a pretty fucking elite hacking schnazzy guy. Since the word "schnazzy" is fairly "gay" (that one's for you Jinx), it shouldn't be too hard to realize just the caliber of wanker we're talking about here.

Regardless, thanks to Digiweb Tech Support and of course Perl Lord Warik, Grandmaster Inscripter, all problems seem to be ironed out. Warik of course will be around in the near future to give you a more detailed description of our friendly neighborhood wanker's r337 h4ck1n6 5k1LLZ.

Saturday I am back in AC after a 3 week Hi-Ate-Us. The Visa that AC was charging on was maxed (which makes me 3 for 3 in Credit Card Maxes....Batting 100% baby. Time to get a new one.), so I just didn't bother re- subscribing as my payment to Visa isn't due until February. Er. Tomorrow. Plus I was pretty bored.

Since I had helped drag Rich into the hopelessness that is AC, he naturally felt compelled to drag my dumb ass back into the game by putting the Ronster's account onto his own maxed Credit Card. Friends don't let friends not play AC. Either way, a "fat shout out" goes to Nighthawk for forcing me to have fun at his expense.

The game sure changed in my absence. The shard has over 900 people and all of the ones I haven't seen before are already higher level than I. More people to fight, which has kind of owned. Had many a good PK run with Nighthawk and Vapor, as well as another great run with Alice ta-Katwhatever and crew. Many dead people, which is always nice.

However, Saturday also turned out to possess one of the funniest PKing experiences of my gaming life. Too bad it was caused by complete and utter stupidity at the hands of myself, Alice, and some guy named Ghost a fino or something.

We had just raided Arwic, and killed the whole god damned town, when this level 45 guy named Necron appears. He promptly vacates the premesis, and us 3 pursue him.

While we are pursuing him, which is for quite a long time, the shit talking begins of course. Alice, in an Azile-Like furor lays in with the "My god you suck," "What kind of fucking bitch panzy are you" "Suck it Bitch" talk to Necron, I follow up by laying into him with my superiority to him in the game of Pong, and to remind him of the horrible deaths many a level 10 has suffered at my level 31 bloodied hands, hoping to scare him into submission. Ghost went on about his mother.

After 10 minutes of chasing Necron, he stops, turns around, kicks the shit out of all 3 of us, killing Alice and Ghost in a single shot and thumping my frozen ear for 112 damage. I promptly stopped to run the opposite direction of our victim, and I only got away because he stopped, literally, to "Ah haha, ROFL, ROFLMAO" to himself in admiration of his ownership demonstration.

In our fervor we had completely forgotten that while we were discussing our Super Bowl pics for Sunday, all of our protection buffs had worn off. Either way, I laughed my ass off for quite some time at our combined stupidity.

Alice has asked that when I tell you all of our heroics, to make sure I make her look good, someway, somehow. So, I just wanted to let you know that she DID at least have good loot for Necron to confiscate from her corpse. Necron tells me as well that her dead body was simply ravishing.

Sunday Well, it was the Super Bowl obviously. We kicked it over at Joe's for quite a good time. One hell of a game it turned out to be. Myself being from St. Louis, I am glad St. Louis got to take something home for the first time since the Cards won the Series in 82'.

As an aside, I don't understand what Kurt Warner sees in his wife.

Commercials sucked ass this year. While like 3 were good, the majority were terrible. I think the best one by far though was the E*Trade one with the monkey. Couldn't beat that "We just wasted 2 million bucks" punchline. I was thinking the same thing.

Kinda like I just wasted 15 minutes.

- Ron

AC Screenshots

Nothing spectacular, but a few that I liked for one reason or another.

Encouraging someone to leave

Some people don't learn


Waiting for spawn by the camp fire

As I said, nothing really noteworthy except maybe the Alice picture. Just some screenshots of day to day activities. I have a pic of Ron in his super sexy blue plate, but after seeing what one of my greater lightning arrows did to plate - it didn't seem so sexy. =)
- Nighthawk


Hacking, AC, Alice, yadda yadda...

I missed my own site being hacked. I heard the guy made a lot of homosexual references and such on the main page. Kinda makes you wonder about people who talk about gayness all the time... Thanks to LumCorp for the heads up and the news item about our hacking. Kinda disappointed that GreatBob referred to me as "and crew" in his "Ron, Grey and crew" comment, but I guess my ego will get past it. Anyhow, all is apparently well in the world of WTFMan.

Onto gaming news... Asheron's Call was really interesting last week. Ron started playing again thanks to a great friend putting Ron's account on his credit card (ain't I great?). Unfortunately he missed the massive war at Stonehold where the Azilites moved in and ravaged the people who live there. It was wholesome entertainment for the whole family. Being one of the very few archers in the Azile army, I got to take advatage of our mage's debuffings for many an easy kill. Thank God for mages - what an advatage to have a mage standing next to you. On the downside, Azile is going through a re-org, so we're not warring right now. I guess I have a minute to level up a bit.

I also got to meet the baddest female player on Darktide - Alice-te-Katrina. Female or not, she's a hardass - but the fact that she's a chick makes her that much more rare. She's also apparently a 19 year old volleyball hottie at some southern california college. Hmm... athletic, young, plays online games AND loves pvp... I've already asked her to marry me (no answer yet =P).

I have some good screenshots of Alice and other misc encounters in AC, but they're at home and since I'm posting - I'm obviously at work. I'll get a few of them posted here soon.
- Nighthawk


Miscellaneous Ramblings

I've been away from the whole internet/online game scene for a couple weeks, so just to let you know I am still alive and shivering in this blasted snowy frigid shitty frozen ass Ohio air, I have decided to take it upon myself to bless thee with random garble.

First, Snow. Snow sucks. Other than when I was but a wee 8 years old, I haven't lived in snow before. I always remembered snow as something I wanted to see every year so I could frolic in it, make snowmen, and make it yellow with my wee-wee. After being forced to live in it these past few weeks, and worse yet, drive in it, I have reached a whole new conclusion of what snow has to offer. And it isn't fun and good times. From scraping my windshields daily, to having my ears capable of breaking off of my head if thumped, losing the use of my hands, sliding around in my pathetic little bitch car when making a turn at greater than 10 mph speeds, losing control of snot flow from nostrils from frozen numb-nose...list goes on and on. To make my winter hatred 100% complete, all I need are some of Dennis Leary's snowpants to pull up.

And yes, I am whining like a little bitch. Matter of fact...I am shivering and whining like a little bitch. My heater seems to have frozen up, as it no longer emits anything remotely close to hot air. Only thing keeping me warm in my apartment right now is my Marlboros' cherries. And since it's too damned cold to open my screendoor or windows, my apartment is a big sauna, but of cigarette smoke, not vapor. Worse than Atlanta's airport smoking area. Step foot into my place, and not only do you get insta-cancer, but you freeze to death, too.

I am just a barrel full of joy.

One good thing has come from all the snow, though. Cruel as it might seem, I had the joy of watching some Ford truck driving assrammer get PK'd by a concrete guardrail. Picture yourself on the interstate with me for a second. Imagine all of the snow all over everything fucking up everyone's driving speed, then imagine this fuckin idiot in his big ugly fuckin truck thinking he can just own us all with his big bad tires. This guy is riding all up on everyone's asses, being a completely shithead driver. He was on my ass for a good fifteen minutes, completely ignoring the fact that I couldn't go any faster, and I had no fucking way of getting over safely to let his dumbass by me even if he could go anywhere. Well, finally I got sick of it and took the first oppurtunity I got to let his dumb ass over.

So he flew on by me when traffic eased a bit, and lo and behold, me and the rest of the highway get stuck in another traffic jam in the middle of the snowstorm. What was causing the holdup? His dumb ass, totalled and hogging up the god damned road in his now flattened twisted fucked up piece of shit ugly ass truck. I guess that's what you get for being a just plain stupid driver. I wanted to loot his body, but it wasn't my kill.

That bastard made me yet another 25 minutes late. It took me 1 hour and 20 minutes to get to my office, which is only 15 minutes away. If he corpsed off, I hope hell freezes over just so he can be cold for all eternity.

Snow and stupidity, a ferocious team.

Do us all a favor if you are a moronic driver who likes to ride on people's asses for no good reason : Go ahead and shove a gun barrel back to your tonsils, and squeeze your friend The Trigger today, so that I don't have to be stuck in traffic you cause tomorrow, in the cold.

Help make the world a better place for all.

Last but not least, everyone's favorite ranting Turbine developer guy Mr. Letoile, made a series of updates on the 20th that make a weekday at Lum's seem slow. If you haven't read in awhile, do so. It's interesting stuff, if interesting stuff interests you.

Damn you if you are warm right now.
- Ron


Fuck Bone Yard

For those of you who don't play AC on Darktide, Bone Yard is the monarch of a pretty fucking big guild. I saw him last night (why will come later) and apparently he has 187 vassals in his monarchy. The reason he has so many followers is because he power-leveled when the game first came out and kites his followers twinked equip from camping the olthoi and such spawns.

Well, since I didn't start the second the beta ended, I'm trying to play catch-up with these such people guarding the prime leveling spots. Teritory is certainly something to fight over and obviously the great leveling spots is prime real estate. I can understand this.

So, since I liked to hang out in Zaikhal, I made an arrangement with BY since his folx hung out there - I didn't kill in Zaikhal because it was most likely a mule or vassal of mine or Bone's. Mind you, my highest level character is 24, while the average BY person I see is 31-40. So, I'm in Zai a couple of days ago, say hi to a BY guy and he starts attacking. I hit him with my standard tagline of "wtfman?" and start evading while typing. Suddenly, high level Bone Yard guys are coming out of the woodwork to kill me... including BY himself.

I get out of Dodge and /tell Bone to find out wtf. He tells me that I killed Punisher-Razor and so I was KOS (kill on sight, duh). I have a couple of problems here.

- I didn't kill P-R
- If I killed one of his other characters, he should have either sent me a /tell or come and killed me himself
- Needing to call your whole guild to kill one guy is blatant whining and borderline homosexual

So, I deal with it and don't hang out in Zai anymore. No big loss. However, a friend of a friend /tells me that a couple of guys are on the ridge pking people. Fuck it - I'm a wanted man anyhow and since I don't hang out in Zai, I might as well kill there now. So, I run up there and see four people I don't know. I ask who I'm there to kill and head in with Vap. We kill one that's laying down and then his mage friend. Turns out the mage was Bone Yard and the guy laying down was afk like an idiot.

So, now Bone is super pissed because I killed his mage and his afk friend. I was already KOS (for a gay reason to begin with) and you can't handle a little bite in the ass. I can't count the times that BY's crew has killed me or my vassals, but he dies once and it's the end of the world.

Maybe if he'd stop putting his head up his ass and /squelching people, he'd learn to have an intelligent conversation. Doubtful, but maybe. Anyhow, pretty much all this was to say, "Bone Yard, you're a fucking tool and you can suck my sweaty nut sack."

Oh yeah, if you're a vassal of Crum's, I'd suggest either quitting the allegiance or leveling up quick. BY is the type of ass pirate to take his aggression out on people's vassals since he won't be getting anywhere near me in the near future.

If only 24th level didn't suck so bad...
- Nighthawk


Another Non-gaming Post

Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the equipment delay and thank-you for choosing to fly with Mandarin Airlines. As we taxi out to the runway please make yourself comfortable. And for those of you sitting on the right side of the plane, please ignore our other...... um.... airliner.......

Let me off.

- Nighthawk


Hello Kitty Vibrators

Ok folx. After I posted the little amazon.com thing, about 14 or 15 of you sent me emails about various sites with Hello Kitty vibrators being sold or auctioned. It's not news, its not original, and it's honestly kinda freaky that so many of you would find that interesting AND send it in to me.

I've seen such links floating around for a couple of months now and I've yet to find any humor in it. I'm not 100% on what Hello Kitty is, but I'm going on the asumption that it's some kids cartoon. So, I'm having a hard time grasping what so many people find interesting about a plastic penis named after/resembling such a thing.

If you find that funny, you're a fuckhead.
- Nighthawk



I really don't know what to say about this link someone sent me except WTFMan?

Amazon.com is apparently selling some crazy shit. For further amusement, check the "Customers who bought this book also bought:" section. Scary...
- Nighthawk


Portal Logging

I never thought I would have to point out the obvious, but here goes. If you portal log to escape being killed, you lost the fight. If I run around in circles, behind buildings, or whatever just because going in and out of war-mode as an archer takes 5 seconds and I need to heal, at least I'm sticking around for the fight.

Yes, this obviously stemmed from some idiot who I beat the piss out of yesterday portal logging. Since I had a guest over to talk to, I decided to wait until this guy logged back in. 15 minutes later he logs in, sees he's about to die, and runs into the adjacent portal to log out AGAIN. He then gets on his other character and /tells me that portal logging is not losing, dishonorable or whatever because I ran around to heal. He compared portal logging to not standing still to get filled full of holes while healing.

People, if you think portal logging from someone means that you didn't lose or if that's an acceptable way to end a fight with someone YOU attacked, do me this favor. Get a gun... in real life... put it under your chin and keep sqeezing the trigger until you see God. I don't need insipid people like yourself in our gene pool.

If you think the portal logging is homosexual, then we're on the same page. No need to follow the above routine, but feel free to contact Turbine to let them know how you feel.
- Nighthawk


Allow me to assume the position

Go ahead, flame the shit out of me about Miami's 62 - 7 loss. However, you should know it was most likely OSI's fault.

I am sorry for all of you fucknuts out there whom I offended in the past Dolphins update. Strike my genitals with a toffee hammer.

- Ron

Shit Happens

MADRID, Jan 12 (Reuters) - A Spanish man narrowly escaped injury when a four-kg (nine-pound) ball of ice -- thought to be frozen human excrement ejected from a passing aircraft -- fell on his car near the southern city of Seville, authorities said.
The man was about to enter the vehicle when a friend stopped him for a chat. The ball of ice, measuring 20 centimetres (eight inches) in diameter, then plummeted out of a cloudless sky and crushed the car's bonnet.

An official at Spain's Meteorology Institute said investigators were examining a fragment of the iceball which was collected by police at the scene.

- Greybeard


AC Character Building Guide

Just made a few alterations to the AC Character Building Guide. If you're looking for how to start out or if you're thinking about re-rolling your character, take a look at the tips therein.
- Nighthawk


What the hell is with all these new Fat Blocker commercials?

Anyone watched T.V. lately? I swear I have seen at least 11 different commercials for products that make you lose weight with an easy to swallow, little, yellow, different, pill.

But I swear to god, the shit the Surgeon General or whoever that smart-sounding guy is at the end of the commercials (that definitely isn't the same guy that was walking aorund his kitchen with his receding hair and shit in his pants sitting down to a healthy looking entree on the table) warning you about it's side effects, is always longer than the commercial itself.

The commercials always go as so :

"Take this wonderful new pill and it actually blocks the fat by um, blocking it. And you can eat some fatass meals, too. Depending on your height and weight."

(Enter new voice, who tries to speak as rapidly as the guy on those "order now" 1-800 Buy Our Shit Cause It's Only Available on T.V. commercials for that product you saw at Wal-Mart that said "As Seen On T.V." when he talks about Visa is accepted, and no C.O.D.s, you must be 18 or older to purchase. You know the guy I think.)

Warning, this product is prone to causing impotency in young teenage males. After taking this pill and consuming any beverage or food whatsoever, you will feel the urge to shit like a parade horse in your dining room. You will also not be able to control your bowel movements, depending on the size of the meal consumed. If you are pregnant, do not even touch this fucking pill you fat fuck. If you are a female between the ages of 13 and 82, opening the prescription bottle in a room at room temperature can result in burning the skin off of your body and transforming you into a quivering pool of vomit upon your bathroom floor right beside your fatass husband's last anal movement. Fat Blocker is known to cause your head to up and explode from neck from severe migraine pain, and can cause you to sweat oily discharge uncontrollably during Staff Meetings. If you have high cholesterol or blood pressure, our shit will fuck your shit up.

Ask your doctor about Zinnetek today"

I don't get it. A Fat Person, or anyone else who might need to use the wonders of Fat Blocker, without high cholesterol? I didn't think such a person existed. Basically the commercial is a big contradiction. "Buy our shit, and die."

I almost wonder if all of these new Products were old Saturday Night Live commercials like The Lung Brush and The Love Toilet.

Are these commercials for real? I wish they'd make a Fat-Keeper-Inner. I can't gain weight to save my ass, literally. It's just so..where's my ass.

Are the Surgeon General and U.S. Goverment working in cahootz on a diabolical plot to rid the world of Fat Asses? - Ron

Ron vs. um, Part 71

I bet you thought I was going to update about Lum the Mad and give him a link or three in the process, but no, I said "um" not Lum.

I am smooth like that. Did you see how I confused you with my clever ruse?

We took a caravan up to the release of Next Friday tonight. As would be obvious by the lack of Chris Tucker, it was not even close to as classic as Friday. It had it's moments though. I swear, there's just always this "thing" about Part II movies that sucks my middle nut. It's that they seem to always take all the best parts of the original, and redo them again, in a slightly different way, pointing out to the audience that whatever part they are doing "is that same part they laughed so hard at in the original." Ace Ventura 2 is a fine example. Though it too had its moments, it was basically the first one in different scenery.
I hate that shit.

Of course, I own Ace Ventura II on tape. But I think I only own that for that whole copter scene at the beginning of the movie. The whole "if you were me then I'd be you" bit. Oh yeah, and the "There's something on the wing." Those were original.

An example from Next Friday would be the whole "You got knocked the fuck out," but this time it was the Dad saying it to some Latino Si Mon' S.A. Martinez 311 guy. Part II's just never figure out that they are supposed to be new and original classics, not replicas of the first. It had its good moments though. But they could have probably squeezed all of them into the previews to save me the five bucks I generously donated to AMC and Ice Cube's fee from Kinko's.

At least our theatre serves beer and chicken fingers, and Ice Cube gets no royalties from that donation at least.

I had a good time though, and I will say there was certainly some great material in the new one...but it's r33tness wasn't as r33t as the first. The first was somewhat of a shrine to my "click" of fuckheads. Hell, it still is. Even after viewing it at least 167 times. That part where they were smoking that joint was SO FUNNY.


- Ron


Regarding Post 4185

On our blessed non-fuckheaded board.

Mercy asks the question :

What do you think about the new shard/level limit on pking? Maybe if you mentioned something the people at Turbine might raise an eyebrow towards Darktide and player versus player in general.

I haven't been around the AC lately due to being busy with work/life, and I actually had no idea a PK-level limit was even being considered. Hopefully not on Darktide. But I guess I can give my views on it.

Pros : It might stop players from being in such a hurry to get to infinityithith level. Perhaps it would stop power-leveling altogether, which could be a good thing. We could all spend more time beating each other's asses than lolly-gagging around looking for experience spawns. The everyday player who doesn't play 8 hours a day, can still enjoy his PvPing career with others who play as much or little as he does, as no one would be in a hurry to get to an insane level to anally dominate him for the rest of his life. He can quit for a week, and come back and play and still have many other level 10's to attempt to PK. Without fear of having to worry about the other people who didn't stop playing that week, who are now level 70 from lame creature exploitation and spend their time completely annihilating the continent.

Personally, I wouldn't mind a level-limit to PKing in AC. Not saying I prefer it, but it wouldn't ruin the game to me. Would ruin Darktide, but not AC. One of the main reasons I powerlevel so much when playing, is because most of the other players in my level range (or should I say, who were in my level range), are shooting off to far higher levels, leaving me with slimmer odds at winning in PvP situations with them or the groups of people I am used to fighting against. It's like..... to stay competitive against the higher levels, you have to um, gain levels.

A level limit would stop forcing me to be in such a hurry. However, I think the bad outweighs the good, with a PK-level limit.


It's one of the basic freedoms that existed in UO for example, that made Pking and PvP that much better. No limits, no boundaries. Kill who you want. It's what Darktide is all about. A truly murderous bastard cannot be a truly murderous bastard on a truly murderous bastard shard, when they take out the ability to be a truly murderous bastard. OSI made the mistake of tampering with the PK-utopia. Turbine doesn't need to.

Now, if they implemented a PKing level limit on Darktide let's say, tomorrow, all of the people who were such high levels, would be fucked over. They'd be so high of level that with a limit (if set low enough), they might end up having no one to PvP whatsoever. And since they are such higher level than everyone, they don't need to level even more, and they'd pretty much end up having no reason to continue playing. No one likes having their characters completely dicked with. Need I remind you of several UO patches that did such things? How about 4 of them? I don't recall many people being happy. One actually forced me to quit. I didn't want to start a new character.

Moving on..... a world where the guy who spends 800 hours a day playing a game, should have the advantage over the rest of us. It's only logical. You can even put it in a roleplaying perspective. All of those hardass mages, the Elminsters, the Raistlins, etc. etc., they studied all the fuckin time and honed their skills. They had no friends, but they were hardasses. They could dominate anyone they wanted if I am not mistaken. (I am referring to the one's in the novels, so if your name on whatever shard in whatever game is Elminster or Raistlin, no, I am not talking about you. You are a fuckhead.) It's nice to have a world where there's a few motherfuckers out there who can just come through and own whoever they want. They earned it. Sure, it sucks you and I aren't those people, and we're the one's who get demolished by the everyday fat kid with no social life, but it's neat to have those fuckers you hate so much existing with you, just to be revered for how truly powerful they are. That and to hate because they have no lives. Either way, you need people there to despise, and being level 3 and fighting with other level 3's against some mackass level 12 and winning, brings with it a certain feel of victory, the same as when you group together on a non-PK shard and defeat some extraordinarily powerful Monster.

Another reason a level limit would be bad, is that all of these exploitatious ( is that a word?) areas in the game, would be overwhelmed with people under a certain groups' level limit and would you know, hog the spawn, be a nuisance, basically the same old shit as in EQ. Makes the camping that does exist, turn to more hell than it already is. A gnarly group of little 7 newbies decide to come hog your olthoi spawn and your level 30 ass can't do shit about it. That would suck. AC doesn't need that crap. Territory wars would basically go bye bye with a level limit. Territory wars are a necessity in Darktide.

I guess overall, I think if AC is going to implement a PK-level limit, they need to begin that rule on a 2nd PK shard. Not on Darktide. Darktide is perfect as is.

I'd possibly even start a character there to play occassionally that I knew didn't matter if I raised or not. If I bored of playing Darktide as a 31 and owning level 20's, and getting owned by level 40's, I could just log in my level 8 on a new PK- shard with a level limit, and find some people to wax that were my level without being sent back through the purple anus by a level 50 while in the process of my search.

Or something. Grimlock also summed up what I think I just stated, but in less words, on the board. I guess he, "had something to say about that."

- Ron

Ron vs. Lum the Mad Part 70

Actually this has nothing to do with Lum either, but more to Myschyf and his take on the patented Ktalk, and other readers of The Rantings of Lum the Mad (and friends). I think they call you Lummies now, at least that's what Jinx likes to refer to you as. I like to think of you as fuckheads.

First off, Myschyf, on the topic of Ktalk - how is it useless? Now I know I don't consider myself an extremely dumb human being, but I just figured out what Ktalk was today while skimming Lum's site. After finally figuring out what the hell Lum and yourself have been talking about all of this time, I hardly see how it is useless. I think the reason you consider it as such is because you realize, with a grimace, that a larger chunk of your reading base than you had realized, also belong in that category of scum known as "the fuckhead."

It scares you and you don't know how to deal with it.

You'd prefer to label all of those who "Got something to say about your story" as "Twisties" and people whom have not a trace of logic in their skull. IE, Fuckheads. The sad part about your label of them, is that they are in fact...."Lummies". Sucks to know, but your audience has just as many retards in it as the rest of ours', and the people who read your updates and actually are moved enough by your ever-so-logical update to tell you what they think of it publicly, usually give you the finger. Because of this, you think it is useless? Remember Myschyf, you are the same one who used the blessed Ktalk for such logic as "Poor Ron. One wonders why he doesn't get bored masturbating and stop before he climaxes -- or maybe he does and that's the reason he's having an existential crisis. Poor guy. One could almost feel sorry for him. Almost," in response to an update of Lum's that actually had some meaning behind it.

Of course, that was in your Pre-Lum updating career. You're in the golf-club now. Sweater around neck. Wisdom shining. Lum updaters are only speaking to the better half of civilization, not the Twisties or the Fuckheads. How dare they read your work. They aren't worthy.

Perhaps you should embrace the fuckheads, be one with them. They are your readers after all. We don't get the 7,000 hits a day you do at Lum's (6500+ fuckhead population), we only average 1,700, but I have learned to embrace our 1,500+ a day fuckhead population, because it has dawned on me that the fuckheads won't go away no matter what you try to do to stop them. Just look at UO. After all of these ignorant patches, the fuckheads are fighting hard, they just won't go away. And everyone is mad at each other rather than having a wonderfully fucked coexistence. Death to the fuckhead is OSI's motto, yet, the fuckhead population grows at an even more alarming rate. In time, just like me, you might even realize that you yourself, are a fuckhead. Just like OSI. Fuckheads of the world should unite. Fuckheads should walk the walk, and talk the Ktalk, in harmony. Sure some of the fuckheads will just use a larger variety of words and vocabulary than the other like-headed fucks when Ktalking, but it all boils down to the same thing. Dan Marino owns you, and you're a fuckhead.

Soundgarden summed it up with The Day I Tried to Live. Here's my editted version :

"The Day I tried to not be a fuckhead, I wallowed in the shitty updates with all the other fuckheads.

I woke the same as any other fuckhead, you know I should have stayed in bed.

The Day I tried to win (over the fuckheads), I wallowed in the shitty updates with all the other fuckheads.

And I learned than I was a fuckhead. Just like you."

God I am deep. - Ron

WTFMan vs Lum, Part III

Well, it's not us verses him, but it's another difference of opinion. Today Lum posted his opinions of the pre-casting in UO issue. One of my biggest problem is that Lum said, "I have never 'dueled' in UO... The whole thing just seems artificial." Well, right away Lum's opinion is diminished because he's not part of the group that is going to be directly and irrevocably damaged or destroyed by this change by OSI.

The only other point that he really made was :

"If the tank mage archetype requires a free hit to be competitive, that is a problem with the tank mage archetype."

I disagree completely. Some people like to wear armor, haul around potions and bandages while others prefer the armorless, combo-casting ways. Dex monkeys and tank mages are balanced quite well right now. I mean, they're balanced to the point that I'm amazed that OSI got it that close to balanced. Well, now that things are so close to even, they want to fuck it up. Removing pre-casting is a horrible disadvantage which will end up making mage on mage duels never-ending and mage on melee duels laughable.

You can't just discount the group of people that like to duel. It's direct competition pitting your skills against another person with no outside interference. Sure, it's artificial (how weird for such a term to be used when describing something in a virtual world to begin with). The point is that 1on1 duels are quite common and popular. PvP isn't just about gangbanging or mass wars.

The whole point is that there is no reason TO remove pre-casting. It's not a bug, it's been part of UO for 2 1/2 years now. If it were a bug, it'd have been gone long ago. OSI is slow as shit, but I think a bug that's used by nearly every mage in nearly every pvp match on every server would have been addressed as a bug before now. I hate to make the move from bug to feature, but it honestly isn't hurting the game. As I've pointed out, it's the only thing keeping the playing field level. Removing it is stupid.

Then again, OSI is stupid. Fuck 'em. Cocksuckers.
- Nighthawk


Over the past 6 months or so I've been asked a few questions about Scargen. I'm kinda over hearing about this, so I'm gonna make this ONE public post about it and be done with it.

Scargen has claimed to be me. He's not. Scargen has claimed to be some big (founding) member of the Baja JoV pk guild. He's not nor was he ever. He's claimed all kinds of things related to me and JoV - most likely all are false.

Here's the deal. Scargen was in JoV long enough for me to figure out that he was an immature and annoying child, so I booted him out of the guild. I never once went pking with him and the only fight I ever saw him in was when Darkness, he and I had a fight with 7 newbies in T2A - he recalled in the first 15 seconds of the fight.

Now please, stop asking me if I am this guy or if I give a flying fuck about what he's claiming. He's a pissant and I'm amazed I had this much to say about someone so insignificant.
- Nighthawk


Just a Few Words

To all of you Miami-dissin' fucknuts out there:

Trace Armstrong, Tony Martin, Dan Marino.

Got another foot to put in your mouth? - Ron

I love you man!

What can I say, GreatBob has gracefully and tactfully brought our little escapade to a close. I enjoy a little feces slinging as well as the next guy but in light of Bob's well spoken life lesson the feces in my hand simply felt too heavy to hurl, and I decided that I must embrace him. Can you feel the love?

I thought I would take a moment and simply acknowledge that yes, I did get the joke. I mean, who would have envisoned me of all people in a GM robe in the first place? Scary is it not? Now all I need is presidential control over a few tactical nuclear weapons and the world would be a better place. - Greybeard

This, That and the Other

Lots going on recently, so sit back, this may be a Ronald McDonald Sized Rant©.

Firstly, dsl has finally been installed in the NH household. Thank god. Since Lisa still plays UO on Baja, I figured I'd check my pings there - 100ms from across the country. Gawd, the beatdowns I could have given with that... Anyhow, dsl being installed encouraged me to further upgrade my already relatively buff computer with a new 3d card. My POS Orchid 3d card shit when I tried to run AC through it. I don't know if I mentioned it already, but I'll mention it again - AC looks goddamn good. I took screenshots and sent them to Ron and he ooooh'd and ahh'd appropriately since he uses the software powered graphics only. The clowds, the ele weapons, the landscape textures... just delicious.

Second, I had a very humorous experience with a Sentinal yesterday. I was helping Vapor level up his (our) new alchemist/fletcher when Boba Fett comes up and kills him. Note : Boba was a level 21 archer while Vapor's newbie char was level 2. I was on as my mage, Patryn (lvl 16), and was very low mana from buffing/debuffing, but this guy was so skilless that I still killed him even though archers chronically own mages in the lower levels.

After I killed him, Boba Fett decided that he would squelch Vapor and I, but continuously send us /tells of "u homo". I don't mean one or two, I mean like 20. Vapor had enough and paged a Sentinal. One immediately responded asking for background on what happened yadda yadda. Vapor had to leave and he referred the Sentinal to talk to me if he needed more details. Strangely enough, Sentinal Keenan did exactly that. When was the last time you hear a GM in UO continue a call with a character other than the one who paged him? Customer service... gotta love it.

Moving on, Sentinal Keenan told me that pretty much anything said in private tells is fair game :

Not only did the guy explain their policy on harassment in /tells (because you can /squelch), but he also was talking to me while keeping an eye on the guy jic action was needed. Also, he obviously had a sense of humor. OMG - a support staff that not only doesn't push off it's customers, but seems to be jovial? God help us. =)

What impressed me further is that he agreed to be in a screenshot for the site. Since I've never seen a picture of a Sentinal, this is the only one posted to my knowledge.

What a guy. Thanks Keenan.

An important side note is that Kynn has joined Darktide and is being buffed and tanked for as he rockets through the levels. Was nice to hang out with someone as funny as this guy... glad he finally made the change from the yawn inducing, portal storm having, non-pk shards.
- Nighthawk

Macro this - Part II

Here is my response to Lumís ďpoint by pointĒ post:

1. Anyone who tries to draw parallels between the rules of a major multi-million dollar corporation and a small homegrown game server is as I said before, a fucking retard that doesnít know what they are talking about. I donít think he would know a CPU cycle from a bicycle even if it ran over his head. If you insist that I am a hypocrite, I insist that you are moron.

2. Your damn right about posting solo, I was getting 40,000 hits a month on UOEVIL back before you even knew how to use a recall scroll. Did it for over a year and a half too. I mean, you think I couldnít have given a handful of retards a login and pass to my FTP and gotten updaters also? People donít come to my page to read drivel from some douchebag that can barely spell his name properly, more or less be entertaining. They come to read my commentary, just like your fans come to read yours. My major complaint (which you casually overlooked, go figure) was that the updater in question you hired was an untalented idiot who plagiarized a story that was pretty ignorant in the first place.

3. Your attempt to take the high ground and write me off as not comprehending ďadulthoodĒ is as ridiculous as the rest of your retort. I fully understand cause and effect, I also understand that I have little respect for people who generate a particular facade only to knuckle under and kiss ass the moment they are placed in position to ask responsible questions. What the hell kind of self interest were you fulfilling by spending 5 minutes talking to Lady MOI about her shoes... her fucking shoes for Gods sake. You got some kind of fetish?

Ill end by saying yaí know Lum, I like you too. I watched you rise from complete obscurity and put together a nicely laid out and entertaining page. But please, spare me the holier than thou routine. Your attempts to counter my legitimate although somewhat flaming post with rhetorical bullshit doesnít impress me. If you havenít figured it out by now, I donít take any shit either. But youíre right about one thing, I probably would have told Runesabre to go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut, but not before he got me my beer.
- Greybeard


Macro this

*Grey rolls up his sleeves*

First boot-to-the-head goes to Fear over at Battle Vortex.

After over 2 years of poking and prodding with Origin to get their heads out of their asses and take some productive steps with their game, I finally took matters into my own hands and got into the world of private UO shards. Granted they can lack the luster of the real thing in some areas, but with enough effort can be made pretty fun to play on. Recently I found myself on the receiving end of some prodding by Fear for one of the rules I put in place on my shard against macroing and how ironic it was that I donít allow it on my shard. To that, let me say this:

Number one, this is a private shard, not OSI. I donít have a budget of over a million dollars a month, I donít have SUN hardware, I donít have groovy monogrammed coffee mugs and I donít have Lady MOI face down under my desk polishing my tool. Now despite their wonderful assets (though Iím sure I could consider MOI an asset if she drags her teeth, you ever seen that smile of hers?), OSI lied their asses off to us about why they stopped letting us macro there and jammed us all squarely in the ass for their own personal profit.

Now Honor Bound on the other hand is in no position to support people who macro. It's not about profit, its that something as simple as a few dozen people hanging around every night macroing can take pretty heavy toll on our hardware, as a dual celeron 400 is just a tad bit slower than your average SUN system. Not to mention the fact that the people generous enough to donate our internet connectivity to us have their limits. Now, take into the account the following:

1. All players on HB start with 80/70/70 stats and 5x75 skills minimum
2. Skill gain on HB is 2 to 3x the rate of OSI shards (can GM Eval Int in a single day for instance)
3. We have player races that start out with seriously beefed stats and skills also

Now in light of those three things, macroing here, unlike on an OSI shard, really isnít necessary. For someone to post how ďironicĒ it is by comparing my stance on macroing with Origin vs macroing on a small privately run shard, is frankly, a fucking retard who hasnít the first clue what the hell they are talking about.

Last but not least, here's a hearty ďHey, why dont you go play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself to Lum and one of his new flunkies, GreatBob over at Lum the Mad. Iím not sure what part of their equation I find the most distasteful. That Lumís penis envy of Dr.Twister has so overcome him that he felt it necessary to add on a handful of retards to throw some idiotic commentary on his page in absence of any real entertainment (Whatís next, The Lum Network? Lum Wear? PokeíLum trading cards?), or that he would hire people so fucking ignorant and unoriginal that that basically cut and paste stories from other peoples web sites and claim them as their own (not to mention, retarded and poorly thought out ones at that, see comments on Fear above).

I guess the funny thing about the whole deal immediately after reading Great Bobís brilliant reporting, I tooled around a bit in Lumís archives then headed over and listened to a couple old interviews Fear did. I couldnt help but chuckle at the sheer amount of unbridled asskissing they have done in the past to various OSI staffers. If you want irony Bob, do some plagiarizing of material on your own site. You guys are the only people I know who talk incredible amounts of shit about Origin, only to give them a slobbery handjob the first time the opportunity presents itself. Next time you guys find yourself face down in his lap, do me a favor and give Tyrant my regards. Then bite down.
- Greybeard



Thanks to E-Mail from Zaketh, and our wonderful site tracker pointing me to this thread, it has come to my attention that most took my mention of Zaketh's Robed Fury Movie as bashing it, which I would like to smother now before you get the wrong idea.

When I mentioned cheesy script it wasn't an insult, and when I mentioned mouse-drawn graphics it was not an insult, As Beau has stated on that thread, "cheese" is an art form, and yes, I did get the point of the movie. No need to assume that I didn't. It's not as if Cheese is not the theme of about everything I partake in.

Anyway, I was in no means bashing his little AC flick, so get your panties out of a wad about it. When I used it as an example of what something I would make might turn out like, it was just being used as an example because it's the only "AC movie" I have seen that I thought you might have seen as well, so that you might understand how anything Flash oriented I vomit out might end up being like if I use AC as a platform.

I never stated I didn't like it. I have seen at least 50 Flash movies by others that were online gaming related, and if you search our archives you'll see I have yet to ever bash one - if I was to ever bash one, it certainly wouldn't be that one. It's not as if I consider myself some sort of Flash Demi-God, and Zaketh, no, I don't take my flash crap any more seriously than you do - just look at what mine are about, nothing pretty much. Except blowing up Game Masters. It's not as if I have a whole hell of a lot of substance, myself, so why would I go off on someone else. Because of the fact I realize all Flash crap out there is done in all of our spare times, I don't bother ripping anyone for however "cheesy" their movie turns out to me or anyone else. We're not famed producers, and we're certainly not Balthaser or Pulp Phantom.

And I don't think any of us pretend to be.

Also, Beau, you mentioned the eliteness of Redneck Zombies, which totally owned me. I had no idea there were others out there with such terrible taste in movies such as myself and what I grew up laughing my balls off at. I have to highly recommend the movie Bad Taste to you as well, as it kicks the shit out of Redneck Zombies in the "King of Cheese" department. It's British, and the British know cheese better than Wisconsins do in the movie business. Bad Taste....rent it, or die.

Long Live Cheese

- Ron

Recent Entertainment

Been up to the movie theatre the past two nights with Little Joey, checked out Any Given Sunday and Man on the Moon. I have to say they were both worth the six bucks - both damn good movies. Plus if you want butter on your popcorn they let you squirt it yourself, so your popcorn is always buttered evenly, and never too soggy.

Any Given Sunday provided more entertainment of the two, probably because I didn't follow much of Andy Kaufman's life in my spare time. Matter of fact, I am not sure when he died or if I was alive during his era anyway. Maybe I am dumb. But the movie was damn good, and touching even, without knowing the guy. I'm pretty sure those a bit older than I would enjoy it for what it's meant to be worth, and a whole lot more.

I hope the Miami Dolphins watched that football flick for it's inspiration value, and I am hoping that on Any Given Sunday on January 9th of 2000, our lord and saviour Dan Marino's squad can pull off a Play-Off victory and stop jerking around with this losing bullshit. He hasn't been himself lately. 5 weeks lately. Where is he. Pray for his return.

Back to movies, but speaking now about Flash. Saw a post on the board questioning if I'd make an AC movie. If I were to do such a thing for your 30-60 second entertainment, it would definitely not be animated (much), and would most likely end up looking like This Movie. The Robed Fury thing gave me an idea or two on doing something AC-ish cinematographically or something, but it would still take awhile as I would want to use art from AC rather than mouse-drawn figures and goofy script. Might be worth a try. Depends on how bored making one makes me. I'll fool around here in the near future.

A major problem though is I have no access to AC *.wavs (plus no idea if it even has wav files), and an ACish movie without AC sound effects would kind of take away all feel of being ACish, especially when many of the graphics, though ACish, are not acting as they do in AC. I am sure it would all be very EQish. Who knows though, maybe I can hassle Letoile to point me to some guy with infinite power and a small pee pee over at Turbine who would grant me some AC sounds. But, due to the final section of his site disclaimer, E-Mailing him about something such as that would probably not be in his best interests.

Letoile, if you are reading this, give me sound files. Or die.

Other than tooling around the town, that's it for what's been entertaining me lately. AC has hit it's dry stage to me for awhile, as has the computer in general. I am waiting for Darktide to stop being so power-leveling oriented. Everyone's in a hurry....to get....somewhere, dunno where. But I do know I can't find anyone to fight these days (besides people I outlevel 10 levels, or people who outlevel me 10 levels). And I am tired of running around across Dereth's Half Acre trying to find someone to fight just to get to a destination and find no one there. Perhaps I am not searching the proper cliff full of retarded creatures running into walls to find anyone to fight. That or maybe I am scared of the 10-20 member +35 level cockknocker mob who will be waiting for me at that cliff if I ever find it. Anyway, I have been breaking from AC. As it stands I prefer sleep. Now hear me snore.

Oh yeah, Al Pacino owns you. - Ron


AC Character Building Guide

Creating a character in AC is kinda a pain because if you don't do it right to start with, you can't easily change your mind down the road. I posted my "GM Character Building Guide" to the Newbie section of Joy of Villainy. To save you having to click around looking for it, you can just click here.

If you benefit from this guide and want to return the favor by becoming a vassal on Darktide, just send me a /tell as Crum' or Patryn.
- Nighthawk


He lives?

Despite rumors to the contrary I am still alive and kicking. My tiny amount of free time has been spent maintaining a private UO shard. While fun to do, I find myself kicking puppies on a regular basis and spouting off random profanity more so than ever.

So if you are curious what the ol Butt-Naked Avenger has been up to, drop by our site at http://wtfman.com/hb for a look see. Be sure to read my January 3rd rant entitled "Why Greybeard is insane" it will be sure to remind everyone why you quit UO in the first place - Greybeard


AC Tech Support

I just wanted to take a quick moment and say that I'm not tech support for Asheron's Call. It sucks a nut if you're having problems connecting, getting graphic problems, get sent to the lifestone a lot or whatever your problem is. However, just because I talk about AC, doesn't mean that I know or care to know a damn thing about troubleshooting problems in/with the game.

Check The Zone or TurbineGames.com and maybe someone there can help you out. Clicking on my email link will just end up in a "you're shit out of luck" type response from me.
- Nighthawk


Richard is dumb.

Richard, I have no idea what you are talking about. Your claims are false and uncalled for. I am VERY disappointed in you. I hope that the purple bunghole swallows you multiple times this week thanks to the aid of a man named "Binky." Oh, and my e-mail address has not been warik@adelphia.net for probably more than a year. Your lack of intelligence is surpassed only your desire to see me naked.

You are truly sick. - Warik

Y2K Fucks the WTFMen!

Ok, maybe not that bad, but after looking at how our update script sees the new year as the year "100" - I'm amused. Gives me a reason to bug Warik since he coded our until-now-great update script.

- Nighthawk

Win98 Codes, Y2K, Etc

I have all the Win98 codes I could ever need. Thanks and please stop sending them. =)

I hope all of you had a safe new years. I personally had an outstanding evening with close friends and a superb party where I drank enough to get drunk for the first time in 12 years. I hope all of you had as good of a time laughing at people who were worried about Y2K being some big disaster.

On an AC note, I wish that starting over wasn't so damn hard. I keep figuring out better and better ways to make a great AC character. After much research, experimentation, discussion with hardasses Darktide and Kynn, the man who owns Frostfell - I'm pissed to think that I know the "perfect" way to start a character without being able to use it myself.

I'm thinking about posting a GM Character Builder for AC, except that where to level is nearly as important as what to start with. And since I'm not as traveled as I would like to be, I would only be able to give part guidance. Dunno... maybe I'll still post a new section when I get a chance.

- Nighthawk