01.26.04

The 100 IQ Theory

I've long had a plan that I would love to put into action that I figured I would share with you folx.

Put simply, I am in favor of thinning the proverbial herd. The 100 IQ Theory basically calls for everyone who is below average intelligence (100 IQ is "average", kids) gets a bullet between the eyes. I have recently amended this so that people who are over the average and yet act like idiots should also be given blissful release. Why? Simple. We need to add some chlorine to the gene pool, so to speak.

Now mind you I realize that this will call for automating or streamlining positions in fast-food jobs among others, but such a sacrifice must be made. What it comes down to is that there are far too many stupid people.

I've dealt with people as customers for some years now, unfortunately. I try to find myself in positions where I minimize my exposure to people because such a great number of them are as smart as a box of rocks, but often times it can't be helped. For example, being an admin on IPY and especially being in the IPY IRC room when the server is down really gives me way too much time with many less-than-smart people. It amazes me when 400+ people get into a chat room and every one of them thinks that whatever they type is worth reading.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think everyone is a moron. Some days it sure feels like an overwhelming majority tho...

- Nighthawk

01.21.04

Are You Doing Our Job For Us?

Maybe they just didn't want my ass in San Fran?

My thoughts are pretty much summed up in the WT.O thread at this point. Sad, gay, get some vision of your own, hire someone who has one, etc.

- Azaroth

01.11.04

Run Ins With THE MAN

Since I've been ranting about the virtues of a Pre-UO:R shard since the beginning of time, when I was directed to a post on Stratics about the population of IPY and how it'd probably be a good idea for OSI to put up a shard, I replied to it. Quoting some stuff from Fear (Remember BattleVortex?) when I had talked to him a few years ago about an OSI-run Pre-UO:R shard, I happened to plop down something he said about how Siege came to life and how something like that could never happen again.

Basically, Siege was Runesabre's baby. He sacrificed his ass off for it, ultimately, unfortunately, only to have it ruined beyond repair. Point being, however, that Siege came to be because Runesabre was there to oversee the project completely on his own time. Siege had no other backing from OSI to speak of. One guy on his spare time, and probably the spare time of a couple programmers. The relevance of this would be that Fear mentioned this to be the main reason a Pre-UO:R shard would never come into existance. There's no one around like Runesabre to bust his ass on his own time for a Pre-UO:R shard. It was a pretty good Fear TM quote, and I ended up mentioning that, since I had a little experience in doing this and that, if OSI were ever to do something like that, I'm here to be a midnight monkey, and thus what some who are in the know consider to be a major obstacle could be overturned. Of course, all of that was shooting off at the mouth, even though I meant it, I never, ever expected to be contacted by anyone from OSI.

Strangely enough, and to my complete surprise, I received a little email, some ICQ fun, and got cornered in IRC by several people. Talk was, of course, centered around how Origin may be interested in putting up a Pre-UO:R shard in the near future due to the success of IPY. As an aside, the names of none of these people will be mentioned. That may be a let down to you gossip queers, but apparently they were told to talk to no one about this, and if they did their jobs would be in danger. I personally have no idea if that was the truth or just a line to appeal to the decent human being buried deep inside of me and make sure I kept my mouth shut. However, I have no intention of putting anyone's job in any kind of danger, so no names will be mentioned in this post. The names of the people involved will not be made public, so don't even ask.

I thought this was all pretty great at the beginning. Holy shit, I mean, they actually took notice, and instead of trying to sue or shut us down, they might actually go in a positive direction for a change.

It was mentioned that they'd like my help with this and that, rulesets and the like. That, I was fine with. However, conversation quickly turned to how I was wanted to email the big cheese at Origin and sell him on the idea of a shard. Then, they wanted me to use WTFMan to drum up support for their shard. Not only put together a huge email campaign to convince the big wigs that people really wanted to play something like this (Are they so out of touch? Should I even ask at this point?), but to pimp the fucking thing when it came out and, essentially, sell them accounts. Conversation turned to how we'd fail if we tried to continue with IPY. In fact, the main man went so far as to ramble for fourty five minutes about how we'd fail miserably if we continued. A couple times.

This didn't sit so well. This is when I started having concerns. This is when I began to realize what everything meant on a larger scale than "OMFG A PRE-UO:R SHARD!!11".

They quickly got real tired of talking to me, since I would tend to bitch more than anything.

A shard from OSI, put up only after I went ahead and had proven to them that there was potentially quite a bit of cash involved for their efforts, would mean some bad shit for IPY. IPY being the only reason Origin even considered putting this together after years of telling us to take our money and cram it up our asses. Now IPY would get completely cornholed. Not only does it fuck the shard I put together and have been dreaming about for years, but it fucks the players, and it fucks my staff who do nothing but put in hours and hours every day for the better of the shard.

Now they want me to sell one for them. They want me to shake all of the players out of IPY, and tell them to go pay OSI money again. Just because OSI has been such a great company over the years, especially to the players on this shard.

Well, I decided that no, that's probably just not going to happen. I mean, if they wanted to put up a shard two or three years ago, they probably could have expected 100% backing from this internet shitbrick. However, at this point in time, they simply can't expect me to shut down what I've started and tell everyone to throw $10 ($13?) at EA.

However, even through all my annoying bitching, these boys still really wanted a promotion for "coming up" with such a great idea. But, it's only a great idea if they max out the server, so, obviously, they still need that pain in the ass named Azaroth. It then became "Nah, Az, you don't need to shut down dude", "Nah, Az, we just really want your input" - "But hey, uh, Az.. we'd still REALLY like you to sell us a few thousand accounts if you could.. fuck that'd rock". "By the way, uh, you'll still totally fail if you try to keep IPY up... just saying, not trying to get you to shut down or anything".

And god damn, the "Hey, Az, y'know people have gotten jobs here at OSI before for helping us out with projects" strung me along for a bit. I'll admit it. I was still as bitchy as ever, but the idea of a nice job doing what you really enjoy is enough to make any unemployed jackass listen to just about anything. Greybeard told me it was bad juju from day one, and Cript advised me that people were only using me to try to wrangle promotions. I was, however, deafened by my own thoughts of "MAN, THAT JOB WOULD BE SO _AWESOME_".

So at this point, I'm sitting on a pretty fat dilemma. An Origin shard would not only rock for even more players than IPY can handle, but chances are they'd end up having to throw up three of the damn things, and even more people would take notice, leading to some decent games in the future. Hell, maybe they'd have to put up ten servers and we'd stop getting EQ clones pumped up our asses. Anything is possible, and the desire for a decent game, even one that existed several years ago and is horribly outdated like UO '98/'99, has never ceased to amaze me at this point. That and, of course, my desire for not only decent work, but work like that. Which is purely selfish, but who can blame me.

On the other hand, an Origin shard means IPY gets fucked directly up the ass by most of the players leaving for the "real thing", and possibly even shut down if EA Legal feels like they have grounds now that it's actually possible to claim that we're costing them sales. Since, you know, they decided to make a shard of their own that was exactly the same as ours after we had proven it'd actually garner them some sales and accounts to begin with. Don't put a damn thing past them, though. If you can't see the full possibility of a C&D landing on someones doorstep after that shard of theirs goes up, you need to get a pair of glasses, grandpa.

So, our players either get fucked into a shard with way less players, or no shard at all. The staff gets fucked, the shard gets fucked, I get fucked. Someone else takes credit, and EA makes money. Our ball gets stolen by the playground bully because they decided that the game of kickaround we were letting everyone in on for free would be better off if he charged people to play. Problem is, he's been telling us that he hates us and that he'd rather play with the other kids for so long that I hope no one gives him a damn cent, even though I know they will.

So, in the end, I guess the best I can do is not let myself be used as a pawn, not whore out WTFMan to sell OSI accounts, not sell anything to any big wigs with my knowledge of the community, and not let myself be strung along with stupid talk about phantom jobs. That, of course, may make this one hell of an expensive post, but so be it. Integrity > money.

Fuck, I think.

However, no matter what I do or don't do (short of maybe straight up posting IRC/email logs, giving out names, and possibly getting the people who are working on it shitcanned), this shard is slated for the public in the relatively near future. If, after being told to shove it for so long and being told that your business was not wanted ever again, you decide you want to, once again, pay Origin and EA money - you go ahead and be my guest. I hear it'll be IPY right down to the no mounts rule. I will, however, be sitting on the sidelines making that gay little 'shame on you' motion with my fingers. You know the one.

I will also be playing IPY, and showing my support for the guys who would step up and do this for free, for you, while Origin was still going "What? Pre-UO:R? Ne pas comprende, seniorita", whether I'm an integral part of the staff or not.

Long live IPY.

Fuck you OSI.

There is a fly in my pie.

Holy fuck, I'm really high.

I think I will eat that pie.

With fly or no fly.

As a side note, in a perfect world, my scenario of choice would be that, if they put up this shard, it's very popular, and maybe that they have to put up a few more. I'm all for forcing game companies to consider making decent games. However, I'd like to see the popularity coming mainly from people moving over from the trammie shards, maybe even getting one or two shut down. Overall making their Pre-UO:R shard a success, but only at the expense of their GayOS shards and making a strong point for real games intead of fluffy pink faggot lands full of neon dildos and vibrating horses. Obviously word will reach plenty of vets who would play Pre-UO:R Ultima Online again, but, again, in a perfect scenario, our vets stick with us.

- Azaroth

01.03.04

Strange Year

Now that the holiday hysteria has died down, I have a minute to breathe and toss up a quick post.

Well, 2003 has come and gone I look back on it and just shake my head. A lot of weird shit happened to me and the site last year.

The site went from nearly dead, to me masterfully bringing on new posters *coughs*, and then to a bit of a blowout between co-founders. We capped off the year with Azaroth starting up the most populated RunUO server in history only for it to be compromised by Rixus - then it's wiped and Greybeard takes the helm. All that plus December our site was visited the most of any month since WTFMan's inception (by almost 20k hits).

My strange year was in both gaming and irl. From quitting the game that I'd been playing for 4 years (Asheron's Call) to my strange employment situations.

All in all I'm happy to put it behind me. God knows I drank to 2004 more than my share of times on new years eve, so maybe that'll help. Anyhow, here's hoping your year (and ours) is a good one.

- Nighthawk

12.24.03

Curb your enthusiasm

Well boys and girls, it's time for me to move on.

IPY was a great thing, and brought something to the community that was wanted badly. Needed, even. Still is, I think, even though there have been some bumps in the road.

That being said, I know the current staff that I'm leaving you with is fully capable of doing your bidding. Cript is a trustworthy, honourable man, and Greybeard wants nothing but the best for you guys. So try not to give them a rough time.

Leaving isn't easy, because I've been dreaming about this shard for years, and preaching about how great it would be. And while I'm not physically going anywhere, and I'll still be around here updating WTFMan (probably on the boards a whole lot less - I hate you all), but I just can't continue to stress myself day in and day out with this thing. Some people are capable of providing ongoing support to thousands of people. Some people can take all kinds of shit from fourteen year olds. I am not one of those people. Especially when the majority of the playerbase is made up of people who read this site.

IPY isn't dead, and I'm not going to start crying and spout some kind of sendoff to my project. IPY is very much alive, and I'll still be playing. In fact, a fresh start may be really good for it.

For those who are interested in what I'm up to, all is not lost. I still feel how I feel about games. I plan on getting back on the wagon and updating WTFMan.com again. I plan to start putting together ideas for my own game, which I've been advised to do by some people I respect. I also plan to be involved in a project that can't be announced at this time, so watch for that. Because it'll probably rock, and happen pretty soon.

No, it's not a RunUO shard.

Contact me through email if you're a programmer or an artist and are interested in possibly helping me out at some point.

DO NOT contact me through email if you have questions or problems with IPY. If I'm in IRC, don't PM me asking me to change your password or get your character unstuck. Direct all of that crap firmly toward Greybeard and Cript.

I think I'll get on IPY and try to PK people with lightning bolt.

- Azaroth

12.21.03

Red vs Blue

I can't believe I haven't mentioned this site before, but I wanted to direct your attention to a great gaming video site : RedvsBlue.com. This horrible oversight has been corrected and a link has been added for your convenience in the lefthand menu.

They have recently completed their first season of videos that takes place in the X-Box FPS game Halo. The low-res versions are available for download free and I highly recommend taking the time to go through them all if you have a decent connection. Hell, they even came out with a DVD of Season 1 (which I plan on purchasing) and they are premiering Season 2 at Lincoln Center in New York on Jan 3.

Not bad for some guys making humorous vids in a video game.

- Nighthawk

12.19.03

Possible New WTFMan

Aztek is a good friend of mine irl and in my guild. He used to write for DNN (Darktide News Network) and moderated for CoD's DT forum. I've asked him on several occassions if he was interested in submitting a post or two to see how they were received and possibly come onboard permanently. Well, he finally did... below is his post.

- Nighthawk

Asheron's Call Saved?

I have decided to take up Nighthawk on his offer to write a few spots here for WTFMan. Although I may not have the razor sharp wit of some of the guys who post here I have got drunk with many of them and they have seen me dance shitfaced in a Canadian nightclub while trying to hook up with an Asian chick who spoke French.

That makes for a pretty tight bonding experience and if it helped me in my quest to obtain internet fame and fortune by weaseling my way onto WTFMan then I am strangely comfortable with that...


Aztek (right) dances like a fool in Toronto

Here is my first post. A bit more "newsy" then you may see from me in the future but quite frankly with it being my first post I am taking the pussy way out as the last thing I want is to make a spelling error and have Nighthawk ridicule me in IRC for months.

Turbine Entertainment is bringing Asheron's Call home.

This letter was also sent out to several folks.

An expansion pack, freedom from their Microsoft masters and 18 million in venture capital recently obtained for game development.

Folks this could be very good news for us long time AC lovers and somewhat fair weather fans of Turbine Games. It can also be great news for MMORPGs in general. I recently returned to Asheron's Call after a 5 month run of dealing death in Planetside (which I will post about later) and I have found the game to be as addictive as ever. My initial run at the game lasted well over 3 years. Granted it is not as fun as the old school days of 2000/2001 but it is still a pretty solid game.

Oh and BTW I did swap spit with her and hope to god it wasn't this chick, err dude.

ERRRRR WTF

- Aztek

12.18.03

Greatest Movie Review Ever

Sadly, I didn't write it. It's a review of LotR3 called HOBBIT-MAN: THE KING RETURNS. He very well sums up how trilogies quite often end on a pretty shitty note.

Good stuff.

- Nighthawk

12.14.03

That turd looks like the Loch Ness Monster

With the amount of crap I have to do right now, very little can squeeze an update out of me and plop it on to the front page of WTFMan.com (mmm..).

This, however, forced me to grunt and clutch the side of th...

What the fuck.

Recently I responded to a few questions via email to a fellow who runs a site called GameMethod.com. Being the no-time-faggot that I am, it really is just the same dribble I poop out of my mouth constantly about games. But, this time, it's in interview form. Along with an article. And it got FARKed, which I guess is pretty cool. Or so I'm told.

Go along, check it out. It's long, it's windy, and it's the same old shit that I've said a million times - just with less time put into it and more run-on sentences to make you gasp desperately for breath while trying to read it. Hopefully I'll kill those of you who can't read very fast.

Damn, when the fuck is someone going to offer me a job?

As soon as I get over my fecal fixation, I bet.

*plays a log like a harmonica*

- Azaroth

12.14.03

Saddam Nabbed

"We got him", says L. Paul Bremer of the coalition. The coalition forces can't help but be thrilled with that accomplishment... God knows the Iraqi people are happy to know he won't be coming back and rising to power somehow.

Looking good there, buddy. And did you see the hole he was hid out in? This is the same guy that has made people scrub themselves before seeing him because he was so paranoid of germs. Quite a change to the palaces he was used to. lol

Almost woulda been better to let him live like that. God knows whatever prision he ends up in will be infitinely nicer. And after he's killed hundreds of thousands of Iraqis (some say up to a million) on top of all the torture and whatnot, I betcha the international community won't let us put the fucker to death.

Go figure.

- Nighthawk

12.13.03

Oh My God...

So today, after trying desperately to try and recover from Ron forcing me to drink far too much alchohol, my wife decides we should go Christmas shopping. I think I've discussed the fact that I hate humanity as a genral rule before, and this is no exception. So here I am hungover, and just genuinely in a shitty mood, and on top of all that it's like 25 degrees and there are 4 billion people at the Easton Mall. Kill me. So in honor of my total misery, I've decided to share with you today my absolute hatred for the multiple different types of humanity I encountered today. These people come mostly in the form of holiday shoppers.

The first type, is the A-typical white trash family. You know what I'm talking about here. The fat-assed dirty lady with 47 kids in tight stretchy pants and the Mickey Mouse shirt. She is usually the one with 7 carts sitting the middle of the isle so you cannot possibly make it around her fat ass and her little munchkin mob. At any particular moment a father-type figure may show up, likely sporting a mullet and possibly chewing tobacco. Upon arrival of the male figure at least 4 of the kids will begin screaming about they want this and that. It's likely that he'll then backhand the fuck out of one of them and it will be funny. All the while they will STILL be standing in the middle of the isle making it impossible for me to look at the things that are on that isle, or even get around them so I can continue on my un-merry way. So what have we learned here? White trash people are stupid, fat, have lots of children, possibly a mullet and are sometimes funny. Ok, on to the next.

The next contestant is the over-aggressive Soccer Mom. You've all run into these before, they're the ones driving minivans at breakneck speeds on the highway trying to make it from one sale to the next so that they can save $1.50 on the latest and greatest toy for their demon children. What really sucks about these bitches is that usually their insane and erratic driving behavior usually carries right over into the shopping cart realm. They're the ones who will run with the cart, usually banging into other people and such. They are also prone to cutting you off when you're trying to turn a corner, they'll just zoom right on by without so much as an excuse me, all the while their demon children are screaming and kicking in fear. Usually they will tackle you if you get the last sale item off the rack, or at the very least give you a dirty look and mutter under their breath. What I'd really like to do with all these stupid cunts is place them into one giant minivan and blow it straight to fucking hell.

Next up we have the completely overwhelmed and generally clueless father. These poor bastards are usually tricked somehow by their significant other that little Johnny needs another $9,000 toy and they should be the ones to go purchase it. Usually on the drive to the store this guy thinks to himself, "eh, this won't be so bad, just get in and get out". Stupid fucker, you should know better than that. So what will happen is that Dad and little Johnny will get out of the car and go into the store only to walk in and become completely and irreversably retarded. See what Soccer Moms, and White Trash and the assortment of other people in this world can do to a normal man. Today for example, there was some guy walking around aimlessly in Wal-Mart, looking very lost and confused. His son is standing next to him playing with some sort of electronic gizmo that was on display for all the demon children to play with. This is a good thing because it usually keeps the little fuckers quiet. But Dad, not really paying attention to what's going on reaches down and picks up his son. Well I think you can see what's coming next, the little fucker starts screaming and kicking his legs wildly in the air. The best part about it was the little bastard manages to kick Dad square in the nuts and BAM down Daddy goes. Taking the Demon child with him. That was one of those situations where you just cannot help but laugh out loud even though that poor guy was on the ground drooling on himself. That will teach him not to have children.

These are just some of the shining examples of the type of person you share a planet with. Join me now while I weep for our future.

- Joe

12.12.03

You Fucking People...

You know, humans, especially a good many of the humans that read this site, fucking suck. Not all of you mind you, but a damn good portion of you. Some of you even have your own website where apparently you feel it's absolutely necessary to bitch incessantly about a free service being offered by the members of this site. Apparently it's not enough to just ban you from our message boards for acting like retards. You go off and piss and moan elsewhere. It is truly unbelievable how much bitching I've witnessed over the last 3 weeks about this shard. Guys, seriously, IT'S FREE! We don't owe you shit, you're not entitled to ANYTHING. Quit your fucking pussy 4th grade whining already. Either that or I'll make you do Azaroth's job for one day and watch you go completely insane.

So Surly Bob, you think you're some kind of Microsoft Engineer now? Please, I invite you to prove it. Think you know everything that goes on behind the scenes with our shard? Once again I invite you to prove it. See, what usually happens before smart people shoot off at the mouth is that they do a little research. You know, try and get some FACTS. They don't just make up shit willy nilly and run with it. Is it that you're jealous of how popular the site has become recently? Are you upset that our shard has more players on it every day than 2 of the next most popular shards combined? Are you upset because an interview with Azaroth got "FARKed"? Or are you upset that we have our own original site design, and not one that's entirely ripped of from Lum the Mad's glory days? Or is it that you seriously have NOTHING better to do whatsoever?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sick to death of the constant bitching and whining. Azaroth and Rixus and crew are doing their absolute best to try and bring you some good old fashioned UO-type fun. For FREE I might add. Just sit back, shut the fuck up, and enjoy the ride. The end result will be more than worth it. Then you can say to your friends in a few years, "dude I was fucking there when the server went down just about every night", and your friends can worship you in awe and say, "wow that guy is so old school, this thing NEVER crashes anymore".

- Joe

12.08.03

IPY Phone Calls

For some reason, some IPY players have been calling my house in regards to the IPY UO shard. Let's get something straight here you moronic children. I don't even play on IPY (yet), nevermind have any control of the server at all and I've gotten two calls about it. One call said they wanted me to put the server back up and I got another one tonight from Calgary, AB Canada where they were snickering and giggling like little girls so much I couldn't understand anything they said after "I'm calling in regards to IPY".

I know I'm listed on the whois for wtfman.com, but seriously... if you're so addicted to a game that you want to call someone you mistakenly think controls the server you play on - you may need to step the fuck away from the computer for a little while.

If you're going to call me, at least try to keep the retardation to a minimum. I know... it's probably too much to hope for...

- Nighthawk

12.07.03

Strange Referrals v2.0

07 Dec, Sun, 15:39:34 Google: houston fuck
07 Dec, Sun, 15:51:07 Google: fuck no
07 Dec, Sun, 15:59:36 Google: children fucking older men
07 Dec, Sun, 16:02:17 Google: fuck
07 Dec, Sun, 16:21:56 Google: stupid ronald mcdonald
07 Dec, Sun, 16:32:34 Yahoo: son fuck mom
07 Dec, Sun, 16:34:37 Google: wtf
07 Dec, Sun, 16:35:43 Google: fuck in ass
07 Dec, Sun, 16:36:21 Google: wtf
07 Dec, Sun, 16:48:26 Google: wtfman
07 Dec, Sun, 16:52:17 Google: dog fucking movies
07 Dec, Sun, 17:00:48 Google: wtf
07 Dec, Sun, 17:07:49 Google: wife+fuck+dog
07 Dec, Sun, 17:11:01 Google: big ass fuck
07 Dec, Sun, 17:12:27 Google: wtf
07 Dec, Sun, 17:14:23 Google: fuck man fuck
07 Dec, Sun, 17:22:39 Google: fuck me
07 Dec, Sun, 17:22:52 Google: mom fuck her son
07 Dec, Sun, 17:26:18 Google: ass fuck
07 Dec, Sun, 17:34:54 Google: free fucking games

- Azaroth

12.06.03

Strange Referrals

While I've had little to post recently, I still occassionally look at the site hits and referrals. Now mind you I've seen some strange searches that have led people to this fine website, but none as disturbing as this one :

06 Dec, Sat, 18:35:27 http://aolsearch.aol.com/aol/search?query=men+fucking+boys

Seriously, if you came here looking for men fucking boys... leave. Go back to the NAMBLA site and get back in the goddamn closet.

*shivers*

- Nighthawk