Baja Woes

After Baja has been down for over 10 hours, some information aside from vague statements "unexpected delays" and "problems" was finally posted to the Dev Board

Date: October 30, 1999 at 9:02 pm (CST)
Subject: Hail Britannia. Baja status.

Baja will be back up within a couple hours and will be reverted back to early morning Wednesday. Additionally, I am turning the ticket system back on when Baja comes up, though, of course, the ticket system is finished for all other shards.

Lead Programmer
Ultima Online

After the fun crash last night that reverted us back two days and the other hardware failure today, the theory that Baja is the bastard shard seems to be holding up...

- Nighthawk

Burn baby burn.. Disco inferno!

Here in the midwest, particularly in Detroit, the inner city natives have an odd ritual that indeed makes you say "WTF?!?" For years on the night before Halloween, "Devils Night" as we call it, many of them take to the streets with the express purpose of raising as much hell as possible and in the process, burning down vacant homes (some occupied also) businesses, cars, etc and whatever else they can get their hands on.

Granted in recent years the efforts of the Detroit police and community volunteers has cut back on the fires tremendously, but year after year it still happens. Now, as a white kid growing up in suburbia we went out and egged cars, toilet paper'd the neighbors trees, and indeed ignited the occasional bag of dog poo on someones porch, but thats as far as our pyromania went.

Why someone would go out into their own neighborhoods which are already fucked up enough and stomp them even further into the ground is beyond me. I dont think its a black thing, as I know plenty of blacks who live in the burbs who dont toss molotov cocktails through the window of their $200,000 home for kicks. I guess its just a "poor stupid and/or pissed off people" thing as they happen to be the majority of individuals who reside in the ghetto.

In any event, I just bought two houses yesterday at an auction that are right smack in the middle of the hood. Guess where I get to spend my night tonight? heh. Unfortunately my insurance agent isnt going to have my coverage in place till monday, so I get to spend "Devils Night" chasing off all the ghetto goblins and their 5 gallon cans of gasoline off my my property. Life in the big city... dont you love it? - Greybeard


Know Your Enemy

The newest shockwave from my warped mind has been posted, you can view it here or from the menu on the left.

I guess this is my version of a much needed phase of the whole "Clean Up Britannia" act that I feel Origin left out. That or I just wanted to mesh an F-16 with UO graphics. Either way, it has been posted. Don't view without sound. Enjoy. - Ron

New Movie This Evening

Just putting the finishing touches on a new flick, so after a few more outside opinions and tweaks, it'll be posted.

In my opinion this is my best one yet, but that's just me. Opinions are like assholes. Check back for it later. - Ron


Last Run Questions Answered

No, the last run hasn't started yet.

Yes, I'm still going to do it.

Yes, I'm still quitting.

No, I don't know when it'll happen - that's up to my gf.

Yes, I'm going to be looting people.

Yes, if I know you I'll probably accidentally (try to) kill you because I'll be attacking blues without looking at names. Just icq me and I'll res and get yer shit back to you.

Yes, you can hunt with me if you want to. No, I still don't know when.

Yes, I still think the game is fun to a certain extent. Aside from pking, I have little want/reason to play the game.

No, I'm not a sellout. However, since I'm quitting anyhow, I'm sure going to sell my real estate and gold for rl cash since the opportunity is there.

Yes, I have a lot more going in my life than UO and I'm surprised I've ever had to explain that.

The long and short of it is this. My last run is me doing something in game that I've always wanted to do, but never did because it's a career ending thing to do. It took me a long time to build that character just the way I wanted him and I would never risk him with stat loss unless I was planning on quitting. Unless some miracle happens and I get my stuff back, I'm quitting, and I might as well do it right.

To expand on the sellout idea, let me offer this. If I was a sellout, why would I rape my characters with stat loss instead of selling the account for hundreds of dollars? The answer, obviously, is because my last run in game is worth more than money to me. If someone offered me $500 for my characters, I would still turn it down to have my last run. Why anyone would call me a sellout is beyond me.

Anyhow, whining mode is obviously off and was thankfully only on briefly. I'm just anxious to get started on my last run. Hopefully, it'll be a good long run that ends with me being killed by a person. With my three pks since the rep patch (mid 1998), I think I've had a total of 18 pk deaths, but only two were from other players. If my last run ends in a lag death to a skel knight, that will just be sad.

- Nighthawk


The New Kid on the Block

Finally starting to get settled in here in the new homefront. I hooked up with Joe Valdez, kid-sister of that Columbian coffee guy, and his fiance' here in town, and he had the pleasure of kicking the ever-livin' dogshit out of me with his compadres at Soul Calibur (that Dreamcast game, and as a sidenote, that game kicks large assortments of ass). I am of the opinion that the Dreamcast has some of the most homosexual controllers, however, so that's most assuredly the reason I never won a match against him. Oh yeah, I had smoke in my left eye, too. The no-ashtray-havin motherfucker that he is. Damn I hate that.

He then introduced me to the undisputed master of NFL Game Day, who goes by the name of Eric, who persisted to pulverize me 147-6 before the 2 minute warning at half-time. This guy never had to have 2nd down. It reminded me of the old days of Tecmo Bowl on the regular Nintendo, remember that? Take your quarterback, run backwards about 60 yards, then toss the ball end-zone to end-zone for an easy touchdown. He was a cheater. Cheaters never win, as you know, so I quit and wouldn't let him. He was using UOE.

On another note, I'd like to give all of you dildos on the board telling me my EQ account wouldn't sell, a large enlongated middle finger, for as of this update it's sitting at $1,025.00. Granted, how much of that $1025.00 I'll see is a good question, but I'll be sure to let you know. Regardless, I am getting the 400.00 I wanted, so you can all blow me. Twice.

Been out of the online scene here recently, I accidentaly exposed myself to my Playstation again, and in between playing Romance of the Three Kingdoms, crying, and jerking-off in my new apartment 24 hours a day, I have been attempting to polish off an updated resume'. I hate working on resumes'. I could bitch for years about it. But I'll spare you.

I don't know much else, I am thinking we need to get a new updated Links page up and running, as there are certainly scads of great sites out there to view these days. I'll have to get the fellas together and accomplish that. Also have to get those Bio's done as well. I bet you have been wondering how long those buttons as well as the Links button were going to sit there and be link-less. I'll try to get mine done anyway. But you know how I am with finishing things. Expect it by 2003. The same year I'll complete Metal Gear Solid. God damn that game is hard. But I digress.

I'm of to figure out that Tears for Fears riff on my tambourine. Have fun kids. - Ron


It's still as good as it gets

For all the bitching and griping we all do about UO, the reality is that it is still the best online RPG there is. Hate to admit it but its true. Case in point, I am playing Asherons Call a couple days ago when some retard pops up and starts stealing my kills. I am getting the snot beaten out of my little level 15 archer fighting Great Mattekars and this dildo pops in at the last minute and whacks it while its near death, several times in a row. All I could do because I was “not a player killer” according to their PvP switch, was make a few choice comments about his mother.

Now meanwhile in UO, the assholes as we all know are equally as abundant. However, while in the Terrathan keep, some chap kept running up and looting my kills. After he did this 3 or 4 times, I told him “listen pal, do that again and you are going to be very sad.” Surprise surprise, he did it again. Being that my character is a master bard, I decided to send two Avengers to play with him. He them proceeded to let out a lovely death moan as my two friendly Avengers chased him headfirst into a Matriarch. I was then forced to listen to about 5 minutes of angry “ooOOoOOo’s” as I recovered my loot from his corpse and went about my business.

Now, this little example is hardly the only one that defines why UO is still the best of the best in its genre, it is one of the reasons why I put up with all the other crap that comes along with it. While we as players have a tremendous amount of ability to be assholes, we also have the power to reciprocate in turn. It sure as hell isnt perfect, but its as good as there is out there.
- Greybeard


Back in the Saddle

Finally completed the move and all that jive. It's been a long ass week and a half. Just as I was about to keel over from internet deprivation, the phone guy appeared at my doorstep with the smelling salts.

At any rate, I am back, so look forward to more news that doesn't affect you in any meaningful way.

Kind of like the following:

My EverQuest account is for sale up on eBay, and I want those of you with fatass wallets to come forth and buy my shit. So far the bids are just coming in nonstop, that's for damn sure. Maybe I put it in the wrong category, that or everyone has finally realized that EQ is lame and my account is worth jack shit. Either way, it's a 40 troll shaman with full rubicite, so if interested go buy the damn thing so I can get money that I sorely need. Think of it as lending your good friend Ron a helping hand to his lager needs. Do it for the children.

I haven't been around other than skimming the messageboard and having a lover's quarrel with J. while on my madre's wonderfully shitty computer, so I don't know much else at the moment. Come to think of it, I don't really know anything anyway, which is cool. I have to go Christen my new porcelain god now. Bye. - Ron


Ticket System and the Last Run

No big news. However, I did see one thing that did surprise posted by one of the development group. As I hope most of you know from experience, if you go red and die (even without stat loss) you lose everything you have on you except your spellbook. Murderers do not keep newbie items/clothing when they die. With that in mind, Calandryll posted this to the Dev Board :

Well, even with the looting, I still had enough stuff for 89k tickets. My gf and 5 other rl/uo friends said they are planning something before I start my pk run (thus, why it's been delayed), so I may try for the newbie ticket just so no one can get the vanq hally when I eventually die. Does anyone know if a "blessed" item is given to someone else, is it newbiefied to them too if they don't have a blessed item already?

- Nighthawk


Greybeard goes ballistic

If you want to see sex, drama and deception, go watch Melrose Place. If you want to see a sickening display of incompetance and general screwing-of-the-pooch by OSI, then go here:


This is my biggest rant to date, and after reading it you will know why. - Greybeard

Stuff to Know

A few things to mention before I embark on this 2600 mile ball-busting drive:

- I am on my way across the country moving. Needless to say I won't be around for awhile. Fortunately for you, Greybeard and Nighthawk have informed me that they are sure to be updating the page at least 3 times, daily, just as their mentor Ron does. I won't be around for a week or more. You won't miss me.

- The Ohio Drinkfest - Definite dates of the 20th and 21st of November. That's the weekend just before Turkey Day, and definitely in Columbus. Me and Bobby decided we wanted Rich to drive an extra 2 hours, because we are sympathetic to his current UO losses. We're friends like that. This way we figure he'll have an extra 2 hours to dwell on just how fucking terrible that game is. As far as to particulars on where we'll all be at, or whatever - it doesn't really matter at this point in time. Just know Columbus. Particulars can be decided the day before.

- Problems you are having with Flash on the site - I have no clue what it is, but it's on your end. I checked the site after getting the latest shockwave updates on two extraordinarily ass computers at work, on IE 4 as well as Netscape, and I had no problems whatsoever. No clue what to tell you, but no, my shit doesn't suck and I am not changing it. Fuck the user.

- If you are a reader of The Warcouncil, I spoke with Zander today for awhile, and I am just wanting to let you know he is not dead, just busy as hell. Give him slack for his slacking ways. If you are pissed off about the Warcouncil being down - forward your hatemail to Rich. Just because.

Off I go, wearing my tight pajamas. See you when I see you. - Ron


Talking Shit Through Email

I love getting emails from stupid people :

From: "Eric Hansen"
Subject: Looting
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1999 06:24:14 -0700

Poor baby got looted. Just call it a payback for all those people you pk. You deserved it.

My reply was somewhat more lengthy :

LOL! You think that killing another player is the ultimate crime? Exploiting a bug to destroy what 3 people (my roommates included) worked for for 2 years? Lemme guess, you're one of these idiots that think that stat loss isn't harsh enough. Losing everything that I've ever done is not only acceptable, but I deserved it?

Well, I got bad bad bad news for you.

1> I did a LOT for this community. Weekly I would pick a random person at the Brit bank (city of newbies) and give them 10-30k. I helped more people learn how to play the game (you see my tutorials on my site?), walk them through things, help them get back on their feet, etc. I helped with tournaments both by donating items/gold, but also by participating. I ran a website and guild that was known on every shard in the game.

I'm much more to this game than a simple pk, but since your so short sighted and ignorant, that's all you see.You are part of the problem with the game. You see in only black and white, good or bad. Without evil in the game, you have a one player game with a chat feature - ooooooooooh, monsters! Real challenging!

2> If you think I killed a lot with my gimp pk that only had three skills over 60 (and none over 95), wait until you see what happens since I lost my stuff to an EXPLOIT and I take my main 7x out on the hunt. Such a person as yourself can't comprehend the amount of anger this shard is about to have released on it.

3> I love the way that since I've played the bad guy (how can there be good guys without bad guys?), I deserve to have a career ending BUG used on me. The way that your logic works amazes me.

Grow up. Get an education. Stop having sex with your relatives. Rent a clue (since I'd wager you can't afford to buy one).

My most sincere sympathy to anyone who has to deal with this person's stupidity on a daily basis.

- Nighthawk


The Plan

I appreciate all of you writing me to let me know of the bug posted on Dr. Twisters site. Let me assure you that I found the bug when I was searching for the answer to the "how the fuck did I get looted" question. Since I know where to look, I found the answer within 2 minutes of searching.

Anyhow, my plan is simple. I'm going to take my main character red and I'm going to kill everyone on the shard who I don't know. Since I'll probably just attack anyone who's blue unless I instantly recognize their name. So, if I know you and kill you, just report me and icq me and you'll get ressed and your shit back. If you don't have my icq, then I don't know you, so just report me and then email OSI because they're the reason you're dead.

If you will want to go with me on my last run, let me say this - I hate huge groups of pks because you end up getting skipped all over the place. Plus since it's so hard to keep an eye on everyone's health, no one watches anyone's health so people die. That's no good. However, I do plan on trying to put my raging off until my dsl gets here (if Flashcom ever gets off their ass and gets it done), so that my likelihood of lasting a while and hunting with as many of those interested as possible.

Plus, I'd like to be the first guy to get 2k kills without dying. I figure that since I'm used to being chased around red by 10 people in Bucs/Deceit, I should be able to last quite a while as long as I'm stat-loss-cautious (instead of staying until the death no matter what like now). Anyhow, if you want to hunt with me, I'll be trying to keep the groups relatively small, but I'll be pking 100% soon.

I do plan on playing on the Cygnus UO Shard when I'm not pking on Baja and after my pk run is done. So, if you want to hook up "in game", that is going to be everyones best opportunity to link up with me, Ron and some other good players that are tired of the OSI bullshit. They have advancement gates to get ya started right (not 7x gm, but still a good start) - I'd highly suggest signing up for an acct and having some fun there.

- Nighthawk


When The WTFMen Attack, Part II

And no, it's not a new TV show on FOX. You see, awhile back Ron and I were discussing how horrible the new promo page was that Origin made for UO2. Not only was it completely vague and generic, that shockwave movie was the tackiest thing I had ever seen in my life. I mean, my God man... I have seen better looking monsters eat Tokyo. We decided then and there that this was a page crying out for parody. Thus, Ron and I are proud to present :

Ultima Online Too

Technical note to Origin Systems, Inc: When you decide to sue us, such as it appears to be your new goal for your fan sites, be aware that I was only the handpuppet of the evil Nighthawk. Be aware that Ron and I were only acting out his desires and hence, he should be the only ones named in the lawsuit. (Well, name Lum the Mad too just for the hell of it, then maybe Twisty can rub his nose in it too).


That's It For Me

Well, just when I have the best night in UO in recent history, I'm run out of the game. My tower was 100% looted last night. There is NO way this was done without a break-in bug. I had all of my interior doors locked, but still the items inside all of them are gone. There was 3 sulphurous ash left in front of each of the interior locked doors. I don't know if that's a sign or part of how they got past the locked doors. The only thing that's left in my tower is what was in secure containers. Thanks to OSI putting off their ticket system, that wasn't very much.

What my roommates and me lost is absolutely unbelievable. My rl gf had just spent 2 solid days doing 200 message in bottles, sorting stuff, etc - and that's just two days worth. I feel worse for her because she actually sorted this stuff and collected a great deal of the rares that are gone.

I've certainly looted my share of people, but it was because I took advantage of someone else's mistake. I've never used a bug to break into a house. That's one line I NEVER crossed. I know the mistakes and I did NOT make them, yet I still pay the price. I was the most overcautious person in the game because I knew that there were people out there to fuck ya, but it didn't stop anything. I have nothing left except what vanq weapons I had in secure chests, some gold, and two empty buildings (one because I kept it empty for the guild aside from decorations).

It's been a great two years - last night was just about as fun of a night as I've had since hanging out with Ron and the other old schoolers. I'm sure as hell sorry it had to end like this. Since I'm not a big computer gamer aside from this hellhole of a game, I probably won't be seen in anything online, so please don't ask. Unless they revert before these mass lootings, I'm gone for good - count on it.

The last time I quit, I took the time to say goodbye to some folx. Well, those of you that I spent time with (even a small amount), it meant something to me. Every one of you that took the time to find me or say "nice site" - I appreciated it more than I can truly express. You people are the reason I enjoyed the game and why I continued playing as long as I did. Thanks.

- Nighthawk


A What the Fuck Convention

Just wanted to pop in and add this tasty news bite. For those interested, I am arranging a little shindig up in Ohio on the weekend after Thanksgiving. That's the 27th and 28th of November I believe. Greybeard, Myself, and Nighthawk, as well as the infamous J. shall appear, in the flesh, to "get our drink on and our snack on."

The reason I bring this up is because I am interested in seeing how many would be game for attending, as this would certainly help one Ronald McDonald to plan ahead on reservations at some fatty bar/restaurant. Otherwise I'll have to treat those 3 on my own. Not that that would be a bad thing.

If you would be interested in hauling your ass to either Columbus or Cincinatti on that weekend,(I have yet to decide on which place would be better - if more people come, I am of the opinion that the Cinci would be the place to be), drop me a line.

Oh yeah, and Rich says all drinks and meals are on him. He wanted me to let that be known to you. You should send him Thank You Mail. - Ron

Gillette - The best a WTFMan can get

This exciting news just in from our own Code Boy/Underwear Model, Warik :

"What the fuck???? Gillette just sent me a Mach3 for my birthday."

They sent me a little box (about the size of a video tape) and on it it says "HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY FROM GILLETTE"

Inside is a letter that says:

'At Gillette, we think every man deserves the best. In recognition of your 18th birthday, we've sent you some of our best to enjoy as a complimentary gift.'

They sent me the razor, and a coupon for $1.00 off cartridges and a complimentary bottle of shave gel."

What a lucky prick. Even though I grow no facial hair, I always buy Gilette razors, in preparation for the day I might finally grow a bit of fuzz, and they never sent me a goddamn thing.

Desperate for updates are we? Hardly. As usual, Ron only bring you the top news stories. More on this story as it develops.

Maybe now the messageboard topic can shift from Racism to philosophical debates over the best razor blades. I can't wait. - Ron


Regarding Cygnus Downtime

According to Magnus, as of 8:34 a.m. EST, Thursday, October the 7th, one Grimace has misplaced his skull in his ass. Until his ass is found, his head cannot be recovered from it's current resting place.

Magnus sends his deepest apologies to those of you pissed off at the down-time. The server is on Grimace's own server, so until the sun shines upward, the server will remain down. I would give an estimate of maybe 6:00 p.m. PST.

On a positive note, to those of you players on Cygnus, the following fixes/changes have been made in a huge patch put in earlier :

-The login problem is fixed.
-Strength now raises on mining.
-Meditation will now rise at a faster rate.
-Skill rates have been completely revamped.
-A new dungeon is being implemented.

I feel like OSI.- Ron, Feeling like OSI.

The cure for our walking blues, from The Sultan of Strut

In response to my hallway predicaments, bernieg@thegrid.net gives the following expert advice to any pedestrians with similar Soul Train problems:

Passing other pedestrians on the street can be honed to quite an art. The goal is to get around the person in front of you. There are many good methods for achieving this.

One particularly favored method involves the least amount of contact between the two parties involved, and is known as the reach-around. This method basically involves sticking your arm out as a kind of wedge in front of you, and getting your arm in front of the other person. (Preferably the chest, but the neck and face are good targets too) While actual contact is seldom needed, should it actually occur, your greater speed and their response to having an arm thrust in front of them (slowing down) should be enough to reduce the impact to tolerable levels.

In the case of this latifa-soul-train, I would have used the drive-by method, which is basically a more rough version of the reach-around but faster. Like pulling off a band-aid. Take some advice from the gang-banger negro boyfriends of these bitches and use a drive-by mentality. The faster you pass and put another blockage of pedestrians between you and the immovable wall of flesh, the better.

Another noted method used by those of smaller stature is the quarterback shove, which involves basically ducking low and making yourself as small as possible, and then going forward as fast as possible. This means shoving people aside, but since your mass is pretty hunkered down you can dodge to a degree and won't have to shove so hard. The key to this method is remaining anonymous and maintaining your speed. If you get away fast enough, they can't do a thing.

The error you made with the soul-train was looking back, man. Leave them in your dust and they wont chase you. If the psychology of shoving people around is your stumbling block, try watching the Matrix. You know the scene with the woman in the red dress? Just remember how Morpheus glides so easily around people, and neo ends up getting shoved a lot. Think of the other people as sheep. You are above them. You are a bad ass clad in leather from another world, a world where these people's lives are meaningless and inconsequential. You are the walrus.

Now that's one smart motherfucking pedestrian. I have a dream. I dream of a world in which the sidewalks are filled with guys (or hot women) of this mentality. I am the walrus. My problem is cured I believe. I'll try out his patented techniques in the morning and get back to you.

For his efforts and Philosophy of the Walk, bernieg@thegrid.net will be awarded with genuine forwarded "Cum to my Pr0n Site" E-Mails that hit the E-Mail box of yours truly.

Congrats to our winner!

And on another note : Whichever of you sadistic punkass motherfuckers keeps applying me to these god-forsaken porno sites, I have cursed you in a sacred ritual over burning incense and the cadaver of a microwaved cockroach (the parts I could scrape wipe up compliments of Bounty, The Quicker Picker Upper). My voodoo can never be removed. Enjoy your short ass life.
- Ron


Speaking Of Annoying Walkers

I read a r33t update over at r33t.org that was talking about those annoying assholes that crowd the entire sidewalk on their slower than South-Georgian pace, and I had to comment because I can relate to the Comrades' frustrations. I find myself having the same frustrations at least 7 - 12 times in an average work-day.

My problem though, is that since elementary school, I have always had this fear of fellow pedestrians, and I cannot bring myself to release my anger at a crowd of dickfaces that hog a sidewalk (or any other common walking avenue). Maybe I'm not alone in my problem.

In elementary school through high school, I, possessing the brain and thought-processing speed of an over-clocked Pentium VIII 986 (I was a northerner, in southern lands), was always stuck behind what was often referred to as the the "Soul Train" of female African-Americans when trying to get to class. The soul train would consist of anywhere from 2 to 27 individuals, all black, all very very angry at society (go figure - being black in the south and all), as well as all possessing these enormous fucking book-bags and purses full of books their dumbasses couldn't and wouldn't ever be able to read. Now I want to make it clear right now I am in no way being racist, I am referring to a specific group of individuals, and it just so happens that they were black. Sue me.

Anyway, my problem always occurred when I would make the mistake of attempting to pass this group (whether on the left, or the right) so I could walk at a pace befitting a human being with legs, rather than a three-legged autistic tortoise.

Whether it was a group of 2, or 27, it didn't matter. With those gargantuan purses, 2 people was enough to crowd the hallway in such a way that you couldn't squeeze by them without accidentally touching their beloved shiny purses.

Enter problem - Jason decides to break left with super-human speed, and try to pass. Jason accidentally touches Shaliquateefah's book-bag during the course of his pass with his elbow. Jason is suddenly in a whole shit load of trouble, as a riot is about to take place, and he is the only caucasion passenger on the train.

The most common line I received in this situation, and I can remember it well to this day, as I was a repeat offender...was : "BO' GET OFF MY BOOK BAA'" which was followed by the gang of em' throwing their sacred book bags to the concrete floor with force (you know, the same book bags you couldn't accidentally rub with your jacket sleeve), and flexing their (unnaturally masculine) feminine biceps in complete anger while smoke billowed out of their ears and nostrils.

Now I know what you might be thinking......"So what, they're females, you have a unit, and thus can win the battle," but you are wrong. Have you ever seen an angry soul train? Much less an angry black girl who's book-bag you just touched while attempting to pass? I'll just go ahead and tell you man, Antwaniqua and Tameka will lay the smackdown on you quicker than Steven Seagal. And in my situations, I was always alone, with the exception of my innocent and free from harm friends behind me, who take this time to stop walking, and laugh at you, while feeling privileged that you were the one to attempt the pass first.

You can't fight back....no no. That makes you a racist, and racists in Douglas got shot in the face after school. Plus if you fight back you never get a punch off anyway. The only route one should take in this situation would be to put on your ass-kissing face, be humble, and praise them as you would Whitney Houston. I was there in Grenada when Robert decided he was fed up with the soul train. I haven't seen Robert since 4th grade.

The moral of the story is, due to my high school experiences, I have been incapable of bitching at anyone who walks like a retard in front of me. You know the type, the ones who swerve from left to right, to the left just as you are about to go right, and vice versa, just because their heads are fucked up. They walk like they drive. Know the type?

What can I do to fix myself? Any suggestions? - Ron, Frightened Pedestrian


Am I lazy... yes I am

Ok, so Metallica didnt quite write that song, but they could of. Anyways, I figured that since Ron did a ton of work putting together the new page while Nighthawk and I basically offered little more than un-constructive criticism and the occasional joke about Ron's mother, I figure the least I could do was update once in awhile. - Greybeard

Cygnus Shard is Open to Public

The Beta testing is over folks......and for the last time, I am not the one to E-Mail to get on the shard.
Take the link under features to Cygnus, and join the shard there. Happy hunting. - Ron


Before I Delete It

Shuffling through the ol' teeny tiny hard drive, deleting the countless things I have no use for whatsoever, and decided that I was never going to finish this baseball movie, but might as well throw up this short 1.8 second flick of work I did do towards it prior to ridding myself of it.

You will find it to be quite quite short. Maybe you'll giggle. I found that if you hit play over 52 times, it can make you laugh at least once, in addition to furthering your sports experience by an extra 60 seconds.

Anywho, this 1.8 seconds of Flash worthlessness took me (Insert laughter here) over 4 hours to make the day I made it. Such is the life of one with no life, and such is the work of one who refuses to use a server emulator to do his dirty work. Of course, they don't emulate these graphics I don't guess.

Attempt to Enjoy

Long live The Melvins. - Ron

Upcoming Patches

Here's what I think given the most recent updates to UO's In Testing and In Development pages. They've updated/changed a lot since my last post about this, so it's definitely worth another look.

Phase 1 - Great idea. Tickets and prizes encourage people to get rid of their hoarded shit while still getting something in return besides gold (which is easy to come by). It reduces item count, backup times and most hopefully - lag.

Phase 2 - This is basically preparation for Phase 3.

  • Removing weight limit on secure containers
  • Increasing the number of secure chests (how many? To be announced)
  • Ability to make people co-owners so they can do everything except re-deed
  • Ability to lock down stacked items

I'm all for it.

Phase 3 - Here's the controversy - items decaying in houses. If you put an item in a secure chest, it won't decay. With the removal of weight limits on secure containers and the increase in the number of secure items, I don't see anyone (except alchemists) having problems storing everything they could ever need. I can put 50k of each reg, 10 full suits of armor, and 40 of my favorite weapons in ONE secure box with no weight limit. Even then, I'd still have space for 17 more items - IN ONE BOX.

What people are still arguing is whether or not items in locked down (but not secure) containers should decay. The answer is - hell yes. I can lock down 300+ items in my tower, so 300+ full containers worth of items doesn't sound like item reduction to me.

Honestly, with the recently announced changes, I think OSI is on the right track. They looked like they were going to fuck up big time in Phase 3, but apparently they're not if they stick to the posted plan. If they make potions stackable and still retain their random characteristics, they may even keep potion hoarders (alchemists and hardcore pvpers) happy. Beyond potion storage, I don't think anyone really has room to complain. - Nighthawk

If I were to make commercials...

If you have never seen the commercials for Outpost.com, you're missing some great sick humor (just what I like). Gerbils being launched from a cannon at a wall and a high school marching band being attacked by a pack of wolves. How can this not be funny?

Below are two links which contain the gerbil commercial and the wolf commercials. They are well worth the time to watch. If the WTFMen were to make commercials to promote our site, I'm sure we'd make something along these lines.

Outpost.com Gerbil Cannon
Outpost.com Wolves

Enjoy. - Nighthawk

The Fragile - A Complete Display of Ownership

As I sit here accidentally knocking three of the 132 empty Marlboro Lights 100's packs off of the cramped-ass soda can/beer bottle mound that is my old kitchen table, (I am too cheap to buy a desk for my computer) and shuffling through my hard drive ridding myself of the countless *.jpgs hogging up my tiny ass 3 gig hard drive, (I am too cheap to get in with the now, and get more space) it has dawned on me that it would be tragic should there be a single living breathing human being who does not own the new Nine Inch Nails CD. (No man should ever be too cheap for music)

Now, I am in no way trying to be the little teenage rocker/wannabe hardass holding my fist and ass-ring in the air, praising Trent Reznor because it is a hip thing to do after school in the parking lot....nor am I trying to be Mr. Alternative. I am stating one simple fact : Go, right now, and buy that friggin album. I don't care if you're prone to looping Jewel singles in your CD player on auto-repeat for hours on end, or in the case of Warik and other metal head freaks - still praising albums like Killem' All and refusing to believe that Metallica did in fact turn old and corny - The Fragile will own you, no questions asked.

I'll even go so far as to compare the album to Pink Floyd's The Wall as far as being such an extremely complete album. No, I didn't say it topped The Wall, I said it was complete, similar to it - don't start beating me with your favorite axe just yet. This album, much like...well, every Pink Floyd album, is one that you just have to listen to every song in order, and you can't just pinpoint one single song that "makes" the album good. Every one of them is good, and they'll continue to grow on you like kudzu.

Never before have I listened to an album for 4 days straight (along with the new Filter - another great investment, though of course it doesn't compare to Short Bus) with the auto-repeat function lit. I am unsure if I'll ever get sick of the it. I may need counseling soon.

So if you are wondering where to flush your next available 20 bucks down,(it's 2 CD's, yet another thing about it - 2 CD's of greatness) get your ass to the local record store and take my advice. Get the new NIN album.

You'll be thankful. I brought you triangles for God's sake, you should know you can trust me.

Oh and, if you want to know where not to flush your money, don't bother buying the Godsmack album, because the only 2 good songs are the same ones you hear on the radio everyday. That album sucks worse than a sip of one of these 3 week-old Coke-can ashtrays I got going. (I am too lazy to empty ash trays). Go figure. -Ron


It works.

The update script is now working. Please turn and face Florida and proceed to bow to me. Thank you, and good night to you all. -Warik

In with the new, out with the old.
WTFMan Gets Geometric On Your Ass

As you can see, we have made quite a few changes here to the page. Most importantly this includes bigger and better triangles than one has ever seen gracing the site ever before. It's a moment of great triumph for us here at the WTFMan, and we're looking forward to bringing you even more new and improved witty commentary in the form of various other shapes and sizes - so don't go thinking we are limited to obtuse and isosceles traingles. We have much much more than that in store for you.

You might have noticed that The Biography Links and the Links page are not functioning. Bear with us as we put the final touches on the layout, and know that we'll have them up for you very shortly. (If reading Bios is your thing).

McDonaldland and UOEvil are no longer active/functioning sites. Their presence on the domain until said notice are simply for their archives. I am not sure on Greybeard, but I know that McDonaldland will reopen when I am active again in the online game environment (when someone releases a game which does not suck - Shadowbane). Until then, there is no use keeping the McDLand updated. We will be focusing our attention on the page you are reading right now.

Next up, we have a new Messageboard, so feel free to drop a line and/or suggestions so we can make your what the fuck experience the best ever.

As the new site has just begun, you will notice the Features section is a bit bare. But not to worry, things will speed up. With all 3 of us combining our efforts onto the page, there will be plenty of news and updates headed your way. I know Greybeard has a UO2 parody lined up for you as soon as he updates, and I have to say it is pretty goddamned funny. Look for it soon.

Nighthawk, our crowned HTML king, will be around soon to clean up my fucked up tables and clean up some of the other messes I left for him in the code when designing. Also in the future, King of all that is Scripting, Warik the Great, will be knocking down some nice Perl Code for us to ease our pain, allowing us to update the site quickly and efficiently to bring you updates on the fly. Many good things to come.

Once again, welcome to the WTF Renassiance movement, and we look forward to entertaining you in ways befitting the little bitches that some of you are. -Ron