Don't Funk With Me
 
 
This story takes place in the caves of Minoc the day after I died.
 
 
First, a story about this story.  The day prior to this occurance, I died in a 3 on 1 confrontation between Gandalf the Gay (whoops, I mean Grey), Magnus, and some other guy whose name I can't remember.  After my death Gandalf and his friends mocked me and threw such insults as "loser", "wimp", "pussy", "you suck."  Yes guys, I suck.  I cannot survive an attack by a guy with a halberd, a guy with a heavy crossbow, and a mage flinging ebolts in my direction while the game is lagged - sorry!  After dying I was looted clean and I returned to town in shame since I had no spare armor and storekeepers wouldn't sell to me (then I put on a robe and went to be mean some more.)

The following day...

While walking peacefully through the streets of Minoc I received an ICQ message from my friend Sauron who was now a murderer condemned to the prison cell known as "The Minoc Cave" (since he couldn't leave it or else he'd be in guard zone.)

"HELP"  the message said.

"???"  I replied.

"BAD BOYS IN THE CAVE, HEEELP!"  he said.

I hurried over to the cave and found my two buddies Magnus and Gandalf the Grey.  I didn't see Sauron anywhere so I assumed he was hidden.

"Hi." they told me.

"suP."  I replied.

"Hey Warik, like my plate?"  asked Gandalf.

"Yea."  I replied.

"You should, it was yours.  haha."  he laughed.  Yes, it was mine.  He looted my full black plate off my corpse the day before when I was ganged up on.

"Really?  You must have gotten it yesterday when you 3 on 1'ed me.  I'm sure you're proud."  I said.

"haha, shut up."  he replied.

"No, you shut up.  You know perfectly well I could kick the crap out of you 1 on 1, and that's why you needed your friends to help you."  I told him.

"Haha yea right."  (more taunting and insulting proceeded.)

"Care to test your little claim?"  I challenged.

"No, your blue. (my blue? huh? maybe he meant "you're".)

"It's just karma, don't worry about it.  Fame is the only important thing."  Magnus told him.

"oh"  replied Gandalf.

*Gandalf the Grey is attacking you!*  (YES!)

"Bring it on, junior.  I'm wearing no armor, let's see how good you really are."  I laughed.

I advanced toward him and began my onslaught.  Within seconds he was at half his HP and Magnus healed him.

"Wow you're getting braver, now it's only 2 on 1."

His HP dropped down to 3/4 again and I was almost full.  Magnus healed him once again.

"FIGHT ME ONE ON ONE BITCH, COME ON.  DON'T YOU HAVE THE GUTS?"  I yelled.

Magnus healed him once again, he was now at full and I was at half.  I gulped down a greater heal and was back to almost full.  I dropped him down to half again.

"STOP"  Gandalf said.

I continued my attack.

"STOP, COME ON MAN, STOP."  he said.

"Return my armor and I will."  I told him, offering him a way to survive.

"STOP, STOP.  MAGNUS HELP.  HELP, KILL HIM DAMNIT COME ON!"  he cried.

"GIVE ME MY ARMOR AND YOU WILL LIVE."  I said for the last time.  He apparently declined my offer because he took off his bardiche, drank a potion, then took off running.

"Let the games begin."  I yelled as I proceeded to chase him out of the cave.

"HELP, PK, PK!"  he yelled as he ran throughout the cave.  Wow, courage at its highest.  First I get 3 on 1'ed, then his friend heals him during a "1 on 1" duel, now he's running screaming PK PK even though he attacked me first.

"I'm not a PK, he attacked me first."  I said whenever he yelled PK PK.

"Get him Warik!"  yelled a nearby miner.

"Box him in!"  yelled another.

"Box the coward!"  I yelled.

"HELP ME, PK!"  yelled Gandalf.  He just doesn't get the picture does he?

"Go Warik!"  yelled another miner.

Gandalf made his way across the bridge leading into town.

"Guards"  he yells.  How dumb can someone be?  He attacks first then he calls guards, yay I see we have some future astrophysicists here.

He continued his running past the bank and up north past the provisioner, I was hot on his trail and nothing would stop me save the server crashing (and unfortunetly for Gandalf, the server didn't crash.)

He was in all red, his stamina had dropped to zero and he was frozen in place.

"HELP"  he yelled for a final time.

"l8r d00d."  I laughed as I walked up to him and delivered the killing blow.

"HUUURHHGNNH"  he cried as he collapsed into a bloody heap upon the pavement.

I began looting my plate back until a miner named Trip who had been following the pursuit began looting MY black plate from the corpse of MY kill.

"Stop, that's my plate."  I said.

He didn't stop.  I felt I had no choice but to stop him.

"GUARDS! =)"  I yelled.

A guardsman appeared and made his halberd a permanent part of Trip's anatomy.  I laughed and finishing looting my plate, then took anything of value off the corpse of Trip.  Check out this victory screenshot.

 

Moral of this Story:  I'm gonna stop putting morals to the stories.  After about writing 20 stories I'm sure everyone can see that the moral is always somewhere along the lines of:  "Don't fight those more powerful than you." etc.. etc..  Any new stories written by me will be for humor and not for a lesson.  Enjoy!