"Hail Stephen! What brings thee to my humble abode?" I greeted him with.

"I'm gonna l00t your house!" he said.

"Oh, have some bone armour and be on your way quickly then," I replied, thinking he was very new.

"Thanx!" he said childishly, "Give me the key to your house or I will be forced to steal it,"

I pondered the thought of him stealing my key, I equipped my heavy crossbow of force, and took the fighting stance. I grinned, "I would advise thee to leave very quickly, or I may have to dirty my doorstep with your common blood, if you wish to be a rogue, act like one!"

Being a grandmaster rogue myself, I knew the ropes of such an occupation, but I bring honour to my occupation.

He said "Fuck you," and made a snatch for my bolts, which he failed. I loaded a bolt into my crossbow, which set him running, my bolt hit him in the back of the head, shattering his skull, he fell to the ground with a familiar groan.

I surveyed his corpse, finding a magical chainmail tunic, some reagents, some other armour, a few magical weapons, a key and a rune which read "my house". I carved up his corpse and placed the head in my backpack, giving it a grin, even strange for me. Deseption stepped outside, questioning what had happened. I quickly explained the thief, and what I had found, I chucked the loot which I scavenged from his corpse and threw it in the "sorting" box.

Deseption and I toiled and had a few adventures for a day, then he was forced to retire due to unbelievable fatigue. I decided that this was the time that I would check out "my house".

I recalled off Stephen's rune, arriving outside a large blacksmith shop, I quickly hid on the doorstep and used my amazing powers of telekinesis to find out who was inside (OOC: AllNames :)), it seemed there was one person inside, practicing spirit speak, who seemed to be in a trance.

Stephen then arrived, dressed in full black plate, I tried the key in the door, it didn't open, seems that Steve forgot to take his real key with him.

He unlocked the door and walked inside, I made my move and sprinted inside, running towards the open area of the house and hiding amongst the many chests.

Stephen tried to unload a firewall upon the spot where I was hidden, but to my delight he failed five times, he then said,

"Come out you little thief, Ill rip your heart from your chest,"

My oh my, he called me a thief, I wonder what he is then?

I replied, remaining hidden, "I prefer the term rogue, child," he then attacked my words, I cursed my own carelessness, my god Lithos shall punish me for that.

I ran towards Stephen, my trusty warfork of power equipped and my heater shield of hardening.

I deflected some of his feeble arrows with my sword, getting in about three thrusts with my fork, taking him down to a very low health, I then cast lesser heal on him, confusing him then laid two more thrusts, making him fall to his knees, begging for mercy.

His stamina drained, he dropped his housekeys at my feet.

I pulled out my ceremonial dagger (dagger of vanquishing) and slit his throat, he fell to the ground face first.

I carved his body up, taking his head for the second time today and stripped away all his goods.

I proceeded to loot his house of all that was worthwhile, a few sets of magic leather, a few regs and a pile of magic shields.

This house was a complete bust, I told his ghost to meet me at the top of the second bank of Trinsic in one hour, to discuss the terms for him purchasing back his house, I recalled to my house, deposited his goods in my house, and did a little mining and sharing of the loot amongst friends and workers, I then put on his black plate, and wore his outfit.

I then rode my faithful steed 'Sparky' to the Second Bank of Trinsic, seeing Stephen on top clad in a light blue plate. I climbed up and talked to him.

He said, "You fucker, Ill kill you if I had my dread,"

I sighed and said, "Of course you would, now, I shall sell your house keys and runes back to you for a sum of 20k (I needed a new tent to store some expensive loot), you will hand me 10k at a time, then I will give you your keys.

He nodded in agreement, and opened a trade box of 10k, then another trade box of 10k.

He then acknowledged the trade (clicked his box) on BOTH. I then said, in jest, "What about the other 10k,".

He replied, "Oh, sorry, forgot to put it in,"

I laughed to myself as he opened another trade box with 10k, I gave him his keys and runes and deposited the 30k in my bank, briefly after I started rolling around on the ground with laughter.

"Thankyou for the 30k, here is your house back, I have taken everything of worth in there, good day," I then rode off to the west Trinsic mines to share my wealth with those who need it more than I, Stephen chasing me the whole way, demanding his money. I then paralyzed him and gave him the slip.

   Remember, don't be a fool, don't loot someone's house unless you are prepared to be looted. Stephen made the mistake of provoking me to that point and carrying a blatantly obvious rune to his house, if it was entitled "Britain" or "Vesper Ironworks" I would have discarded it.

I hope you enjoyed my story for today, there will be more available on The Joy of Villainy - http://villainy.logicquest.com under Stories - Mortus Kaine.

Thanks for reading, feedback to spides@kaoz.net is appreciated.

This story was based on the Sonoma shard.<