They were talking amongst themselves when I barged in and Lorax greeted me with "HAHA, YOU TEH BETCH I KILLED IN DECEIT LICHE ROOM". Which was true back in the days of the old reputation system.

  ( This man and his guild, 8 of them, gang banged me in the lich room between 2 poison elementals and a lich lord with ebolts. I survived about 10 seconds but Lorax started summoning stuff to lag me down and follow me. I eventually crashed and awoke to be looted and deceased).

I replied with, "Aye, tis true, the 8 of you and your lich friends must be very proud of such a feat, all of you defeating me"

I heard a young girl giggle.

  Lorax broke off that dead end conversation and started with, "Your guild fukin sux, we'll kill you again, but your blue," dIsPlaSeR started chorusing, "MORTICIAN KANINE IS A HOMO!" I replied with, "Well done, maybe you can learn to spell my name," They became enraged and started insulting me, at this time the third one recalled away.

  I challenged dIsPlAsEr to a duel and he said ok.  We went to a small cave outside Oasis (via my gate, neither of them were decent mages, scroll users I guess) and started to duel. We had agreed on melee combat, but after snooping his pack I saw 100 bolts and a magic heavy crossbow, I also saw in a subpack a rune to 'guild house' and a keyring.  I continued the fight with my warfork of power and his magic halberd, I was hitting harder and faster, then his buddy started healing him and started ebolting me.

  Due to my grandmaster of spell resistance, I shrugged off the ebolts and continued on dIsPlAsEr, he gulped down a heal potion and got ready to equip his bow (unequipping his halberd). I quickly snatched a large amount of his arrows, leaving him with 12, I then stole the rest. He equipped the bow and stood there.

  He cried out, "FUK YOU KUNT" and the familiar unnnnghhhhh noise came after it.  Lorax then yelled "FUK YOU, IF I HAD MY DREAD I WOULD KILL YEW".  So I attacked first, thus making myself gray, he equipped his heavy crossbow of power (pre-patch) and started to fire his bolts at an outrageously slow rate. During the fight I continued to keep him running about, but I was at 70%hp and he was at 40%hp, I put in three final thrusts and he fell to the ground.

  I picked the keys and runes of their corpses, as well as their magical weapons, plate and reagents and proceeded to slice their bodies up. But to my amazement Lorax decided to res on the spot, I never fight a man in a death robe so I healed him up to full HP and gave him his friend's plate of guarding and his friends halberd.

He said, "GIMME MY FUCKING BOW,"

I emoted *sigh* and proceeded to attack, I shouted out "Run while you still can child!" and he did, he ran towards the city of Oasis crying to the guards saying< I was attacking.  Being familiar with many of the guards they greeted me with "Hail Mortus Kaine!", I chased him to the shrine in the desert and there he perished, stuck between an rock and a hard place.

  I gloated over his corpse, removing his head, "You will kill me, correct?  Prithee, milord, in your present state ye shall not be killing anything,", getting no reply I walked away towards the Oasis tavern.

  After getting my weapons and armor repaired by some friends, I handed them some of my pursuers goods, including many reagents, bolts and more to my buddies.  This time I equipped his heavy crossbow of power with his bolts and smiled, running to the spot where I had killed his friend. I gave a grin to my friends on the way, dIsPlAsEr was back, to pick up his other goods, breaking my rule never to kill a man in a deathrobe, he was slain in one hit.  I then forked over some more regs to the local miners and remember I had a rune  and key to his house! Ah, how unfortunate for the poor child.

  I chucked on his mage's hat, chuckled then chanted, "Kal Ort Por", whisking myself away to The Isle of Fire, and his tower. I unlocked the door and walked in, his guildmates then greeted me with "Corp Por", I ran to the roof and into the forge on their roof, jumped into a place where a trapped monster was and hid. My friend Knr'Krud the orc or something to that effect was silent, excellent, they all searched the tower.  By this time (40 minutes of waiting there), Lorax had returned and was saying,

"He client crashed me then used the instant death energy vortex," to his guildmates.

Its quite sad when I kill one of such honour, they then accuse me of being a bug exploiter, very sad.

All the guild members gated out to Trinsic (Thats where my guildmate Glacius saw them at that time), thinking that I had recalled away (I think, why else would they leave), then a solo member of the guild walked into the forge, I was hiding in, called 'DJPuffy'.  Well, I quickly set my friend Knr'Krud free, who started attacking Puffy, Puffy yelled 'WHAT THE FUK?!' and then started to attack the orc.  My orc friend was losing this fight so I decided to heal him a few times. After letting Knr'Krud take his fair share of loot and we said tearful farewells, I gated him back to the orc fort.

  I then started looting their tower.

  After taking numerous rare items such as green plate, skull candles, paintings, goblets, plates, I deposited the loot in my house (200 stones of the stuff!) I then returned to find a valiant group of KoD 'guards', pks of course.  They didn't spot me straight away, I said greetings etc.. and then proceeded to enter the tower, they were quite puzzled by this and threatened to attack if I didn't leave. I smiled, realizing they didn't know exactly who they were looking for, and remarked, "Nay, this is my tower, who art ye?"

  They said, "WE ARE KOD, WE OWN THIS TOWER, GET THE FUK OUT OR DIE!"

  I replied, "Ye are the famed KoD? I shall enjoy being accommodated with all of ye, may I put my belongings in one of these chests?"

  They replied, "NO, GET THE FUK OUT, LAST WARNING,"   I then continued to provoke them and asked if they had a bedroll I could use to log out, they all attacked.  Being the genius I am, I found that I had no chance against 5 dread lords, all grandmaster archers with heavy crossbows.  I ran to the roof, without a single bolt being fired and I locked myself in the house on the roof.  It seemed they had no key and sat outside, thank god for communication crystals, I could hear what they were saying.

  "Shit, what can we do?"
  "We can ask a GM to ban him because he hacked into our house!"
  "Yeah, fuckin bug exploiters,"

  WHAT!?! I thought to myself, HACKING? These people are more ignorant than I thought.  Their low intelligence amazed me, maybe they would be as clumsy as they were  stupid.  Since I had duplicate keys at my house, and I knew where they were located, what  did I have to lose?

  I flung the door open and sprinted downstairs, chucking various light chests and furniture behind me.  I found a 400 stone pile of furs, which I jammed into an empty chest behind me.  They were stuck and didn't know what to do, they were madly trying to find a spot to shove their furniture and chests but couldn't. I fired a quick ebolt then threw in a few crossbow bolts, killing two of the five warriors.  One called upon a meteor shower and threw a few firewalls around me. I gulped down three greater heal potions, putting me back up to 100% health  and continued my war, sprinting around the tower, picking up numerous items of interest.

  I had casually taken it down to two of them against me, that's when they called in the rest of the guild.  20 members of KoD jumped through three moongates in a row, they all lined up (which was quite impressive they can line up, maybe they aren't less intelligent than a rock) then chanted "KOD!".

I smirked, "Come on then people, lets get this over and done with"

They laughed and attacked, at that moment, a group of five people ran in (using my spare keys at my home) bearing my guilds initials SiN.

I greeted my friends and we then attacked. It was futile, two of my guildmates fell, five of KoD fell. Reducing them to 17 (Including the two guards).  We decided to pick them off one by one and ran into the dungeon of Hythloth...  We reduced them to 9 people over the duration of an hour. Thus making the majority of us murderers.  We ran from the dungeon and stood outside their door, awaiting their return.  They arrived 10 minutes later and the rumble began, with 5 (my guild members  continued to fly in and re-equip when they died, their troops did not) vs 9.

  We bladespirit'd, ev'd, ebolt'd, and at one stage our mana was so low we resorted to lightning, even magic arrow.  We then equipped our fencing weapons (spears and warforks) then charged in.  Two more SiN fell, four more KoD fell.  3 of us VS 5 of them.  We eventually won, myself and my guild member Glacius standing fast, resurrecting our dead.

  We then walked into our new tower, and proceeded to loot the whole building.  We ended up leaving four chests (With furniture and crap in it like ale and wine) with SiN spelt in gold.

  The total loot was about 500k, with house deeds and more. Prayers were said for KoD, we then went to their empty tower one day and gated in orcs, with a note saying 'Love SiN'.

This story is dedicated to my fallen comrades in The Legion of Sin, The Technomancers, Hounds of Justice, The Insidious Brotherhood, The Fuckheads and all those whom give evil a good name.  I have a few more interesting tales on the way, but at the moment I am more concerned with working on my guild town.

Feedback should be sent to spides@kaoz.net, that's all folks :)