One night while my friend Malthus and I were exploring the Yew crypts, we see a gate appear. Out walks one man named "One Eye Jack" a woman (which I don't remember the name).
Anyway we got into a conversation and learned that Jack was having a player run quest in the crypts the next night. Being that Napa is neglected and never has quests, we agreed to help.
We were to pose as pirates guarding a treasure. We all got some armor and cutlasses and such, and prepared to "defend our treasure" Arr matey!
The next night, Malthus and I rounded up some of our friends. We got our characters without a murder count (we didn't expect to live long) and went to the crypts where we met Jack with our equipment. The pirates included myself, (MorpheuS) James, Malthus, Humstle Borgot, and TarK.
We wielded mighty cutlasses and metal shields ready to fight to the death! We had gold and items scattered about the room, along with the treasure chests.
While we were waiting for the invaders to arrive we saw three people walking in the halls of the crypt. We didn't think they were part of the quest being there were only three of them.
We climbed up the ladder to speak with them. We found three men by the name of John Holmes, Laduumduump (or something to that affect), and I don't recall the other name.
"Arr matey, ye bloody fools stay away from our treasure!" I yelled.
"Arr we be protecting a treasure ye scurvy bastards." yelled Malthus.
"This be a player run quest." said James.
"Yes I was told that there were pirates down here." replied John Holmes.
"Yes, we are the pirates guarding the treasure, but ye must go find the others to participate." I told him.
Then suddenly he attacked Humstle, killing him in one hit of his halberd, since we were sparring earlier.
"YOU CAN'T JUST COME DOWN HERE KILLING US!" I yelled.
"Yea you have to participate in the quest, now res him and go find the others." said Malthus.
So John resurrected Humstle, but then started getting mad because we kept telling him he has to go find the others for the quest.
"It's funny how a bunch of weaklings can be so demanding." said John Holmes.
"OF COURSE WE'RE WEAKLINGS, WE'RE NEWBIES." yelled Humstle.
So then John started bragging about how he was a quad GM (yea right) and all the usual stuff wanna be badasses talk about.
We all got furious and attacked him.
"BOX HIM IN" yelled Malthus.
We surrounded him and took about 1/4 his hp off with our mighty pirate steel, just before he recalled.
Then his two friends apologized for him saying how he dragged them down there.
So we went back to "guarding the treasure", waiting for the scallywags to come try and take it.
Then all of a sudden up in the hall we see that pretty pink cloak, and immediately realize the porno star is back.
We walk up the ladder once again and he fire fields where the ladder ends.
We ran up the ladder once again preparing to beat the hell out of him.
"BOX HIM IN. SURROUND HIM" Malthus yelled once again.
John pulled out his halberd and started to smack Humstle with it.
We were all slashing him with our cutlasses.
Then I see the message, "You notice TarK trying to steal 14 mandrake roots from John Holmes!"
Then it hit me, I remember that the character I was using was a rouge. While we had him surrounded I snooped him and stole one of his runes.
TarK proceeded to steal all his pearl right after he fired off an energy bolt at Humstle.
Unable to recall or use magic he re-equipped his halberd. At this time John was at half life.
He started to hit Malthus with the halberd, and ended up killing him. John was almost 1/4 HP left. Seeing that I was flagged criminal from stealing
He cornered me against a wall and finished me off in three hits. We still had Tark and James left. James, being the only real good one, since he was
Humstle ended up with the kill, and some fame. James looted all the plate, regs, and the halberd. After resurrecting his fallen pirate friends, he
While at the bank, James saw Holmes, who proceeded to attack him. After one hit of his own halberd, John runs for cover.
While we were waiting, we seen another fellow approach the treasure area. Since he wasn't part of the quest, we chased him off. I was lagged and
All of a sudden I see them all running back.
"Johnny got his friends!" yelled Humstle
"5 of them coming!" yelled Malthus.
We got ready to battle again, knowing well that we will lose this time.
We charged up the ladder and we immediately attacked John. Among John's friends were, Juan the Great, DeamonD, Laduumduump, and a couple others.
(May I remind you, four out of five of us have extremely low swordsmanship, this guy must be pitiful to die by our blades TWICE!) Then all of a sudden
I guess I calculated my murder count wrong. Oh well I'll get my skills back, wasn't very good to begin with. I walk back and see John getting
John gets re-equipped and healed, and attacks James.
James, using a bow he looted from John earlier, and being a Grandmaster Archer, proceeded to beat the snot out of John.
James losing almost no HP, had John down to near death, when all of a sudden . . .
"HEAL" yells the cowardly John
All of a sudden, Juan heals John, and a 1 on 1 battle turns into James against his five friends.
THEY, eventually killed James, after he kicked their ass all over the place for a few minutes. Then TarK, gets resurrected and starts taunting John.
"Let's go trash the place and mess up their quest!" yells John.
They go down the ladder and start picking up all the gold, and any other items we had scattered about.
About this time I logged out and informed Jack of the tragedy of his quest. I think this story shows a true idiot in action. First of all, his name is "John Holmes". With that name he deserves to die anyway. Number two, he was killed TWICE, by newbies with cutlasses who has no swordsmanship. Number three, he destroyed our attempt of having a little fun on Napa Valley, since it is so neglected by the GM's anyway.