Don't stand too close to a naked man
 
 
This story takes place in the minoc mines and at the minoc bank.
 
 
I was in the mines and up to no good, as usual, stealing and battling and raising all hell. Me and the other evildoers were fighting with several graykillers, and then I saw Val Venus tiptoeing ever closer to a poor gray. I was even more disgusted than usual. The only thing more pathetic than a graykiller is a cowardly graykiller who won't even attack a poor bastard in a deathrobe until he's half dead. Well, I jacked his bolts and he takes off a-runnin'.

He comes strolling back in, and I decided to taunt the chickenshit bastard. "Hey, I'm perma-flagged, so come with it." To make a long, tedious story short, he spends 15 minutes wandering around Minoc begging everyone for bolts or arrows, with me in town screaming

"I AM NAKED AND HAVE AN UNPOISONED DAGGER, YOU HAVE PLATEMAIL AND A BARDICHE. ATTACK ME, COCKSUCKER!"

Naturally, he wouldn't attack until he could use his bow...

Finally, someone gives the guy 20 bolts, and he spends 5 minutes trying to get "enough" distance between the two of us to attack me. He attacks, and promptly starts running full speed in the opposite direction.

I holler at him "YOU HAVE A BOW AND A BARDICHE AND PLATE, WHILE I AM NAKED AND PRACTICALLY WEAPONLESS".

He must have hit a lag pocket, or maybe he was typing up a snappy comeback (like "fuck off", his favorite phrase). Whatever reason he stopped, I jacked his bolts.

He stands for a second, bewildered, then shouts "Guards!" (battle cry of the thiefkiller, next to Kal Ort Por) and can't seem to figure out why I'm still alive. I take the opportunity to hoist his bardiche. "GUARDS!!!" he shouts, as if the problem was that he forgot to say it in all caps or didn't use enough exclamation points the first time. I steal his mandrake. He runs for the tavern, but I am laughing so hard, I can hardly give chase.

Just another day in the life...

Lenny.