The Generous House Owners
 
 
This story takes place in the forest West of Vesper.
 
 
I was heading home from Covetous, after fighting a massive, TWO HOUR long war with guild BD and CD. They outnumbered us 12 to 4 but after all that time, we emerged victorious as we picked off those who had gotten separated from their guildmates. (That war is another story in itself.)

It was a profitable war, so I intended to deposit all the loot which I had collected from it. As I was heading home, I passed a house which had a bright green backpack outside it, right in front of the stairs of the house.

I walk over to the backpack in curiosity, and the only thing inside was "a copper key". Not thinking anyone would be this stupid, I picked up the key anyway, and moved over to the door to try and open it. I had already started walking away from the house, thinking it was foolish to think someone would be this stupid, but when lag caught up and the door flung open, I was both surprised and very happy.

I walked on in and there was someone macroing inside, I forget his name, but it looked like a fairly new character. He was macroing inscription, using the inscription bug where you don't consume blank scrolls as you inscribe (naughty!). He was inscribing greater heal scrolls, so after stealing his copy of the house key, I started stealing the scrolls off him. I then stole the 2 blank scrolls he had on him, thus effectively fucking up his macro. After this, every now and then, the scribe would say "1", as he was using the inscription bug by moving piles of scrolls around.

There was a bunch of stuff inside. 395 bottles, about 4700 feathers, a few pieces of armour, a magic war fork and a magic hammer pick. Not terribly valuable stuff but the bottles will come in handy for my alchemist. I decided I would need help looting this house, so I got fragile and SkiThix to help me out.

A fellow named Capt Ron logged into the house at that time, and started attacking me. Due to the fact that I had just come from a very large battle, I had only 2 gheals on me, so I knew I was in trouble.

Luckily, fragile appeared at the door just as I decided it might be time for me to leave. I opened the door and told him to kill the archer, while I used one of the stolen greater heal scrolls on myself in desperation. My pathetic Magery managed a great big 15 hitpoints healed, so I decided to run. =)

I dropped off some loot at my house and picked up 10 more gheal potions. By the time I got back to the house, Capt Ron had logged out, after fragile came close to killing him. Another character, whose name I also forget, was now inside the house. He was naked so I assumed it to be a mule char.

"He has the bottles on him", said fragile. The naked man had picked up my bottles! Well we couldn't let him get away with that.

"you guys are assholes", said the naked guy.

"thanks. may I ask you something? why on earth did you leave your house key in a bag right outside your house?", I said.

"it was a fucking mistake, I was throwing the bag out, I didn't know there was a key in it.", he replied. This made me laugh, the bag was completely empty except for the key, how could he not know the key was in there? He had to lie about his own foolishness. Obviously he was trying to transfer the key between characters, but I had found the key first. =)

"now may I have the bottles?", I said to him as I moved closer to him.

"go and fuck yourself", he screamed, heheh.

"ok, one last time, may I have the bottles please?", I said while I armed my heavy crossbow. I wasn't about to kill a naked guy for the hell of it but he had his chances.

"go and fuckin kill me see if I care", was his response.

"k", I said as I attacked, and killed him in two shots.

My friend SkiThix always felt like killing people, although he is an Illustrious thingy-mabob. "gimme a bow, I'll kill him", he said, referring to the macroing scribe.

I handed him my heavy crossbow, and 20 bolts. He attacked the scribe and killed him in one hit.

Handing back the bolts and heavy crossbow, SkiThix said "peh, 20 bolts?! how dare you doubt me like that!". This guy's a crackup btw. =) We all laughed as we saw the scribes ghost appear, the only thing it said was "o", him and his macro blissfully unaware of the current fucked up state of affairs for his new character. At least he didn't insta-res. =)

We cleaned the house out of all valuable items in a few trips, and I changed the sign of the house to:

"We thank you for your generous donation to The Dark Ministry - Eclipse".

This story makes me wonder who in their right minds would be stupid enough to leave a house key, in a bag, right outside their own house. They might as well have handed me a rune and a key at the bank and said "here, we don't want all this shit we've worked so hard for, please take it". Or they could have asked a GM to erect a huge flashing sign in front of their house saying "LOOT ME LOOT ME".

Sigh, if only there were more people as dumb as this. =)