I was hanging out in Minoc, practicing stealing bags of 9 bottles, when a friend of mine sends me an ICQ about some assholes in the Minoc mines. Naturally, I go and decide to check it out with my stealing partner, InSaNe ClOwN.

I see the person he was talking about, his name was Zachary. Another person I also saw when hitting my AllNames macro was a sworn enemy of mine, LightHammer.

Before I knew what happened, I had hit LightHammer with a magic arrow and 2 ebolts (that's about all you can do with 52 INT). He was grey, so I didn't go grey myself. My guildmate joined in (although I discourage unfair fights) and we had LightHammer to full red health multiple times, but then outside healers jumped in and helped him(that's how I justify the 2 on 1)

Zachary is attacking you!

Oh great.. now its 2vs2 and they still have some outside healers. I leave InSaNe ClOwN with LightHammer, and decide to go take Zachary, an archer, by myself.

I hit him once, twice--

-=LAG=-

I un-lag at 34/75 HP.

Crap... 34 HP, 9 mana.

In the time it takes me to get the 2 more mana needed for a heal, this guy could hit me with his bow 2 more times, killing me.

-=LAG=-

You are dead.

Damnit.. I go quickly get ressed, and grab one of my supply packs out of my bank (10 gheals, 10 gexplosions, 5 gcures, 5 grefreshes, 20 of each reag, 30 AR bone)

I heal once, and chug a gheal, and run back into the mines.

I see LightHammer running towards me, so I walk right in front of him. Not a second later after that, InSaNe ClOwN comes up from behind and kills him with his kryss.

He loots the corpse, gives me some of the armor, and he gives me the stuff he looted from my corpse when I died. Time to settle the score.

I walk into the mines looking to kick the holy shit out of this Zachary bitch.. I walk directly to the back of the mines, MagicArrow, CP, CP. I must have done some hardcore damage, because he ran into the town and I never saw him again.

About 2 minutes later, another sworn enemy of mine, You Better Run (he was an EiG member for about 3 days, then I killed him, kicked him out, and he decided to start his own guild of newbies, DxP). He was followed by one of his newbie guild members on a horse, Ramuah.

YBR says "Lets get Cycle" (its Cyle)

Ramuah attacks me with his katana, doing a whole 1-4 damage/hit. Once I get Ramuah down to about 1/2 health, YBR attacks me, while Ramuah runs off.(Another funny little side note.. I saw him about 10 minutes before yelling at the Minoc bank "Recruiting all evil people for a guild!". Strange thing.. now he's coming after me like a friggin NPK.)

I proceed to smack down YBR, and he runs to the bridge between the mines and the city of Minoc. I catch up to him and Ramuah, and they say

"Lets box him in"

Now, I have seen some pretty shitty people try and (N)PK but these people were *the* *worst* PvP'ers I had ever seen. Ramuah(on his horse) stands in front of me. YBR decides not to move or something, so I begin to circle around Ramuah, completely destroying him with my kryss. (he wasn't able to hit me since I was running around him like a madman. Even though he had a katana, you still can't beat a fencer with 100 DEX) YBR finally decides to join in the fun, and attacks me. Mind you, both of them are *still* trying to box me in. I get Ramuah down to 1/8th health, and IU guess neither of them could heal, so YBR yells

"RUN MAN! RUN!! HE'S GONNA KILL U!!"

LoL I thought as I chased after him. He must have been lagged worse than I was, because I was able to keep pace with him being on his horse.

He runs up to near where the tinker's shop is, and tries to recall. I hit my trusty

"XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX"

macro about 10 times, so he isn't able to click his rune. (Note, this also works for people trying to heal)

All I heard from him before he met the icy kryss of death was (and I quote)

"I cannot recall from that object"

You may call it cheap, but desperate times call for desperate measures. YBR finally catches up, and he sees Ramuah's dead body on the ground, and immediately bolts the other way. Getting everything that I wanted off of Ramuah's corpse, I follow in hot pursuit, attacking him.

I don't see why it took him so long to catch us, he seemed to have had a moderately good connection. I chase him all the way down to in front of the tanner's shop, where he stops, obviously out of stamina

"PLZ DONT KILL ME!"
"PLZ DONT KILL ME!"
"PLZ DONT KILL ME!"

"Moo" Was my only reply as I ran up to him, and poked 100's of holes into him with my kryss. I retrieved all his stuff, and walked towards the bank, where I happen to run into the third stooge of DxP, named Volrath.

"Bravo, your guild is so great" I say to him, sarcastically of course.

"Fuk u man, u sux! I could kill u" he replied...

"Ok, I'm ready to fight, name the place"

"I don't play here u moron. I play on altantc"(yes, that's how he spelled it)

Then he just started spamming:

"fuK u!"
"SUCK IT"

Was all he said for about 10 minutes.

Oh Well, I told him to tell his slut guildmaster to accept war with EiG.

Moral of the Story: There are many mysteries in this world, such as why do puppy dogs make us laugh, why stupid members of DxP think they are characters from WWF, and... why.... why do little blue midgets hit me with fish?!

See! Mysteries Abound!

Cyle of EiG
EiG -=- Dedicated to promoting evil, chaos, smart-assed remarks, heavy sarcasm, and witty comebacks to the Ultima Online Gaming world -- and Beyond!